quite well.
‘So,’ Paula said after a while. ‘Can I have my drink?’
I realised I was still clasping her bottle of Becks in my hand.
‘Shit, sorry.’ I slid the beer quickly across the table, spilling a fair proportion of it over the side onto her lap in my haste. ‘Oh shit! Sorry.’ I thrust my hand out and caught the wobbling bottle before it disappeared after its contents. ‘Sorry.’
And there was that special smile on Paula’s face I’d missed so much. The one she’d always reserved for me. The one that told me exactly what she was thinking.
‘The word wanker has just popped right to the front of your mind, hasn’t it?’ I said.
‘In big red capital letters.’
‘Flashing on and off?’
‘Oh yes.’
‘Sorry.’
‘I’m disappointed in you, Jim. No puppy-dog look?’
I laughed. ‘I figured I’d outgrown it.’
‘Since Friday? Shame, that was always a favourite.’
‘Seriously though, sorry about the, you know, damp ... crotch.’ I could probably have worded that better.
‘And that’ll be the end of that conversation, thank you. Still, at least you didn’t punch me.’
‘See? I’ve matured.’
‘Ah, there’s the puppy-dog.’
Five minutes later Paula had dried off in the ladies and I had very carefully placed a fresh bottle of beer in front of her.
‘Sorry about rushing away on Friday,’ she said after taking a swig. ‘I’d promised Sammy we’d go out.’
‘No, no problem.’ She’d come to apologise? Interesting. ‘I had my thing going on. Don’t worry about it.’ I was going for casual. ‘It all got a bit blurry towards the end anyway.’
‘The best nights usually do.’
‘They do when Terry’s picking the drinks.’
The pause that came next wasn’t awkward, but it was definitely there.
‘Listen, I hope you don’t mind me getting in touch tonight,’ Paula said eventually.
Pfff ! ‘No, it’s cool.’
‘Thanks. I needed a bit of space away from my mum and dad.’
‘Believe me I understand all about that, and I only moved back today.’
As I dragged my eyes eight-inches upwards to meet hers, I reflected that Paula must be feeling pretty lonely. She’d been away from Glasgow for over a decade and, Sammy and her family aside, I was probably her only point of contact in what must now be an unfamiliar, possibly even scary, city. I tried not to feel in any way glad about this.
‘I mean they’re great and I love being able to spend time with them,’ Paula said.
‘Yeah, but parents are parents, aren’t they?’ I wanted her to know how much I understood.
‘You don’t understand, Jim. They really are great. I’ve spent five years screwing up my life and getting into shit-loads of debt and they’re being so brilliant about it. They haven’t once said I’ve made any mistakes or messed anything up. All they keep saying is I was really brave to try and it’ll all work itself out and I’ll see it’s been worth it in the long run. That’s a lot to live up to, you know?’
‘Eh, yeah, of course,’ I said. ‘That’s harsh. They need to give you a break.’
‘There’s only so much positive reinforcement you can handle before you start to feel unworthy. I feel like I’ve let everyone down and they haven’t even noticed.’
I was starting to lose the thread of her argument and decided to steer back to more familiar waters. ‘Add all that to having to come back here after so long. You must be feeling pretty isolated, especially with Ingo still being in Germany .’ Damn, why did I bring him up?
‘Not really, no,’ Paula said. ‘We’re on the phone all the time.’
‘Yeah, but after so long being away you’re bound to be a bit—’
‘And, you know, I saw Chrissie and Jane and all that crowd at the party Damian had for me last night. Jill and Steph couldn’t make it so I met them for lunch today.’ These were all people we had both known when we were together.
‘You’re still in touch with all those guys?’
‘Oh
‘So,’ Paula said after a while. ‘Can I have my drink?’
I realised I was still clasping her bottle of Becks in my hand.
‘Shit, sorry.’ I slid the beer quickly across the table, spilling a fair proportion of it over the side onto her lap in my haste. ‘Oh shit! Sorry.’ I thrust my hand out and caught the wobbling bottle before it disappeared after its contents. ‘Sorry.’
And there was that special smile on Paula’s face I’d missed so much. The one she’d always reserved for me. The one that told me exactly what she was thinking.
‘The word wanker has just popped right to the front of your mind, hasn’t it?’ I said.
‘In big red capital letters.’
‘Flashing on and off?’
‘Oh yes.’
‘Sorry.’
‘I’m disappointed in you, Jim. No puppy-dog look?’
I laughed. ‘I figured I’d outgrown it.’
‘Since Friday? Shame, that was always a favourite.’
‘Seriously though, sorry about the, you know, damp ... crotch.’ I could probably have worded that better.
‘And that’ll be the end of that conversation, thank you. Still, at least you didn’t punch me.’
‘See? I’ve matured.’
‘Ah, there’s the puppy-dog.’
Five minutes later Paula had dried off in the ladies and I had very carefully placed a fresh bottle of beer in front of her.
‘Sorry about rushing away on Friday,’ she said after taking a swig. ‘I’d promised Sammy we’d go out.’
‘No, no problem.’ She’d come to apologise? Interesting. ‘I had my thing going on. Don’t worry about it.’ I was going for casual. ‘It all got a bit blurry towards the end anyway.’
‘The best nights usually do.’
‘They do when Terry’s picking the drinks.’
The pause that came next wasn’t awkward, but it was definitely there.
‘Listen, I hope you don’t mind me getting in touch tonight,’ Paula said eventually.
Pfff ! ‘No, it’s cool.’
‘Thanks. I needed a bit of space away from my mum and dad.’
‘Believe me I understand all about that, and I only moved back today.’
As I dragged my eyes eight-inches upwards to meet hers, I reflected that Paula must be feeling pretty lonely. She’d been away from Glasgow for over a decade and, Sammy and her family aside, I was probably her only point of contact in what must now be an unfamiliar, possibly even scary, city. I tried not to feel in any way glad about this.
‘I mean they’re great and I love being able to spend time with them,’ Paula said.
‘Yeah, but parents are parents, aren’t they?’ I wanted her to know how much I understood.
‘You don’t understand, Jim. They really are great. I’ve spent five years screwing up my life and getting into shit-loads of debt and they’re being so brilliant about it. They haven’t once said I’ve made any mistakes or messed anything up. All they keep saying is I was really brave to try and it’ll all work itself out and I’ll see it’s been worth it in the long run. That’s a lot to live up to, you know?’
‘Eh, yeah, of course,’ I said. ‘That’s harsh. They need to give you a break.’
‘There’s only so much positive reinforcement you can handle before you start to feel unworthy. I feel like I’ve let everyone down and they haven’t even noticed.’
I was starting to lose the thread of her argument and decided to steer back to more familiar waters. ‘Add all that to having to come back here after so long. You must be feeling pretty isolated, especially with Ingo still being in Germany .’ Damn, why did I bring him up?
‘Not really, no,’ Paula said. ‘We’re on the phone all the time.’
‘Yeah, but after so long being away you’re bound to be a bit—’
‘And, you know, I saw Chrissie and Jane and all that crowd at the party Damian had for me last night. Jill and Steph couldn’t make it so I met them for lunch today.’ These were all people we had both known when we were together.
‘You’re still in touch with all those guys?’
‘Oh
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