Hillyer said he would, and turned on music. He asked me what I thought of the wine.
“Chateauneuf du Pape,” I said.
“Very
good
.”
“Nineteen-fifty-eight.”
“Oh, you naughty boy, you looked.” He touched the back of my hand. “Misha dear, let me tell you something. In stories there’s a magic potion that puts you to sleep. When you wake up you fall in love with the first person you see. That is the most brilliant metaphor of love there is. Love isarbitrary, inexplicable, and cruel. It is also impermanent. Nothing so unreasonable could possibly last long.”
“It’s not unreasonable that I’m in love with Zina. She is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Exactly my point. She is the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen because you fell in love with her.”
“She was beautiful before.”
“And, pray, when did you fall in love?”
“As soon as I saw her.”
“Voilà! Misha, there’s nothing wrong with hurting for a little while. Everyone has their heart broken. For some people it’s a way of life. Love feels like a ray that goes from you to someone else. Sometimes it’s returned, and sometimes not. But love is not a ray. It’s a burst of light that goes out in all directions. It seems to shine on one object because the lover sees only one object. But if the lover looks around he’ll see that many objects catch his light.” He touched my hand again.
I had to get out of there.
Before he served the coffee I said I didn’t feel well and I had to get back to my dog. He said I should lie down until I felt better. I got out finally by promising to come back soon.
Then on the way home I figured the whole thing out. It was completely my idea that Zina was in love with someone.Henry went along with it and faked the call to Zina so he could come on to me. He hadn’t spoken to her at all, and now he wouldn’t tell me who it was because there was no one. She wasn’t in love with anyone.
14
What Zina Said
THE IDEA DIDN’T last.
From the apartment I called the Point to say I was staying in town overnight. I got into bed to think. The morning Father had been short with me he said that when I was coming to town I must always tell him. Did he mean
warn
him? He hadn’t been concerned the night he took a woman into the guestroom, but he sure would care if I knew about Zina. This was real evidence.
Finally I realized I wasn’t going to figure it out. But maybe I could figure out an attitude that would help me feel better. For instance, what attitude should I have if it really was Father? Or if Zina just had a crush on him that hedidn’t know about. Things like this went around in my head until I remembered Mrs. Mertz’s advice: Ask her, she’ll tell you.
So at 1 A.M . I got dressed and went down to the marina. The Angela was motionless in the still water. “Dover Beach” came back to me as I ran up the sails.
The sea is calm tonight.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits…
The bay was calm, the tide was out, the sails hung slack. I drifted into the bay. Without a wind I’d eventually be carried out to sea, where a sudden change of weather could be dangerous for a one-man crew. I didn’t care. I was going to find out, one way or another. Then a breeze came up. There was no moonlight or starlight. I tacked across the bay using the one light on the Point, probably from Mr. Strangfeld’s shack. Walking over the sand, I felt a little better. Nothing was certain yet.
Both houses were dark. I took off my shoes and left them on the porch. Blackheart heard me. I let him out and told him to be quiet. On the way to the guesthouse everything had a silvery tinge, but not enough to see shapes by. Across the bay a faint line of light stretched over the mainland. Otherwise I might have had my eyes shut. I made out Sonya asleep on the deck. Blackheart settled down in front of her, nose to nose.
I held the catch on the screen door and let myself in. There were two bedrooms. I
“Chateauneuf du Pape,” I said.
“Very
good
.”
“Nineteen-fifty-eight.”
“Oh, you naughty boy, you looked.” He touched the back of my hand. “Misha dear, let me tell you something. In stories there’s a magic potion that puts you to sleep. When you wake up you fall in love with the first person you see. That is the most brilliant metaphor of love there is. Love isarbitrary, inexplicable, and cruel. It is also impermanent. Nothing so unreasonable could possibly last long.”
“It’s not unreasonable that I’m in love with Zina. She is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Exactly my point. She is the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen because you fell in love with her.”
“She was beautiful before.”
“And, pray, when did you fall in love?”
“As soon as I saw her.”
“Voilà! Misha, there’s nothing wrong with hurting for a little while. Everyone has their heart broken. For some people it’s a way of life. Love feels like a ray that goes from you to someone else. Sometimes it’s returned, and sometimes not. But love is not a ray. It’s a burst of light that goes out in all directions. It seems to shine on one object because the lover sees only one object. But if the lover looks around he’ll see that many objects catch his light.” He touched my hand again.
I had to get out of there.
Before he served the coffee I said I didn’t feel well and I had to get back to my dog. He said I should lie down until I felt better. I got out finally by promising to come back soon.
Then on the way home I figured the whole thing out. It was completely my idea that Zina was in love with someone.Henry went along with it and faked the call to Zina so he could come on to me. He hadn’t spoken to her at all, and now he wouldn’t tell me who it was because there was no one. She wasn’t in love with anyone.
14
What Zina Said
THE IDEA DIDN’T last.
From the apartment I called the Point to say I was staying in town overnight. I got into bed to think. The morning Father had been short with me he said that when I was coming to town I must always tell him. Did he mean
warn
him? He hadn’t been concerned the night he took a woman into the guestroom, but he sure would care if I knew about Zina. This was real evidence.
Finally I realized I wasn’t going to figure it out. But maybe I could figure out an attitude that would help me feel better. For instance, what attitude should I have if it really was Father? Or if Zina just had a crush on him that hedidn’t know about. Things like this went around in my head until I remembered Mrs. Mertz’s advice: Ask her, she’ll tell you.
So at 1 A.M . I got dressed and went down to the marina. The Angela was motionless in the still water. “Dover Beach” came back to me as I ran up the sails.
The sea is calm tonight.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits…
The bay was calm, the tide was out, the sails hung slack. I drifted into the bay. Without a wind I’d eventually be carried out to sea, where a sudden change of weather could be dangerous for a one-man crew. I didn’t care. I was going to find out, one way or another. Then a breeze came up. There was no moonlight or starlight. I tacked across the bay using the one light on the Point, probably from Mr. Strangfeld’s shack. Walking over the sand, I felt a little better. Nothing was certain yet.
Both houses were dark. I took off my shoes and left them on the porch. Blackheart heard me. I let him out and told him to be quiet. On the way to the guesthouse everything had a silvery tinge, but not enough to see shapes by. Across the bay a faint line of light stretched over the mainland. Otherwise I might have had my eyes shut. I made out Sonya asleep on the deck. Blackheart settled down in front of her, nose to nose.
I held the catch on the screen door and let myself in. There were two bedrooms. I
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