whole event should have been much more terrifying: breaking into a cemetery near midnight, on an evening when the moon was a great bloodshot eye in the sky. But suddenly it did not matter that she was trying to gain access to a graveyard in the darkest part of the night, that she was going to see her daughter’s grave for the first time in seven years. All she knew at that moment was that someone would be with her when she took this monumental step.
Heat swam from the ground, old souls snaking between Addie’s legs. “When I was in college,” Jack said, “I used to study in the cemetery.”
She did not know what she was more surprised by: the nature of the revelation or the fact that Jack had made it at all. “Didn’t you have a library?”
“Yeah. But in the graveyard it was quieter. I’d bring my books, and sometimes a picnic lunch, and-”
“A lunch? That’s sick. That’s-”
“Is this it?” Jack asked, and Addie realized that they stood in front of Chloe’s grave.
The last time she had seen it, it was bare earth, covered with roses and funeral baskets from well-wishers who could not offer explanations and so instead gave flowers. There was a headstone, now, too; white marble: CHLOE PEABODY, 1979-1989. Addie turned her face up to Jack’s. “What do you think happens . . . you know . . . after you die?”
Jack stuffed his hands in the pockets of his coat and shrugged, silent.
“I used to hope that if we had to give up our old life, we’d get a new one.”
A huff of breath fell in the air between them, Jack’s answer.
“Then . . . after . . . I didn’t hope that at all. I didn’t want Chloe to be anybody else’s little girl.” Addie gently stepped off a rectangle around the grave. “But she has to be somewhere, doesn’t she?”
Jack cleared his throat. “The Inuit say that the stars are holes in heaven. And every time we see the people we loved shining through, we know they’re happy.”
She watched Jack pull two unlikely blossoms from his pocket to lay on the grave. The bright heads of the chives that Delilah grew on the windowsill were a brilliant splash of purple against the headstone.
This time of night, the sky was flung wide open, stars spread like a story across the horizon. “Those Inuit,” Addie said, tears running down her cheeks. “I hope they’re right.”
Addie’s hands shook as she walked Jack to the apartment he shared with her father. Did he feel it, too, every time their shoulders bumped up against each other? When he came into a room Addie was already in, did he notice the air squeezing more tightly around them? This was new to her, this sense that her bones were sized all wrong in the confines of her body. This feeling that you could be in the company of a man and not want to turn tail and run.
They reached the top of the stairs. “Well,” Jack said, “see you in the morning.” His hand moved to the doorknob.
“Wait,” Addie blurted out, and covered his fingers with her own. As she expected, he stilled. “Thanks. For coming tonight.”
Jack nodded, then turned to the door again.
“Can I ask you something?”
“If it’s about fixing the insulation on the receiving door, I meant to-”
“Not that,” Addie said. “I wanted to know if you’d kiss me.”
She saw the surprise in his eyes. Apprehension rose from her skin like perfume.
“No,” Jack gently answered.
Addie could not breathe, she’d made such a fool of herself. Cheeks burning, she took a step backward, and came up against an unforgiving wall.
“I won’t kiss you,” Jack added, “but you can kiss me.”
“I-I can?” She had the odd sense that Jack was as uncertain about this as she was.
“Do you want to?”
“No,” Addie said, as she came up on her toes so that her lips could touch his.
It was all Jack could do to not embrace her. To let her trace the seam of his mouth, to open and feel her tongue press against his. He did not touch her, not when her hands lighted on his chest, not when her
Heat swam from the ground, old souls snaking between Addie’s legs. “When I was in college,” Jack said, “I used to study in the cemetery.”
She did not know what she was more surprised by: the nature of the revelation or the fact that Jack had made it at all. “Didn’t you have a library?”
“Yeah. But in the graveyard it was quieter. I’d bring my books, and sometimes a picnic lunch, and-”
“A lunch? That’s sick. That’s-”
“Is this it?” Jack asked, and Addie realized that they stood in front of Chloe’s grave.
The last time she had seen it, it was bare earth, covered with roses and funeral baskets from well-wishers who could not offer explanations and so instead gave flowers. There was a headstone, now, too; white marble: CHLOE PEABODY, 1979-1989. Addie turned her face up to Jack’s. “What do you think happens . . . you know . . . after you die?”
Jack stuffed his hands in the pockets of his coat and shrugged, silent.
“I used to hope that if we had to give up our old life, we’d get a new one.”
A huff of breath fell in the air between them, Jack’s answer.
“Then . . . after . . . I didn’t hope that at all. I didn’t want Chloe to be anybody else’s little girl.” Addie gently stepped off a rectangle around the grave. “But she has to be somewhere, doesn’t she?”
Jack cleared his throat. “The Inuit say that the stars are holes in heaven. And every time we see the people we loved shining through, we know they’re happy.”
She watched Jack pull two unlikely blossoms from his pocket to lay on the grave. The bright heads of the chives that Delilah grew on the windowsill were a brilliant splash of purple against the headstone.
This time of night, the sky was flung wide open, stars spread like a story across the horizon. “Those Inuit,” Addie said, tears running down her cheeks. “I hope they’re right.”
Addie’s hands shook as she walked Jack to the apartment he shared with her father. Did he feel it, too, every time their shoulders bumped up against each other? When he came into a room Addie was already in, did he notice the air squeezing more tightly around them? This was new to her, this sense that her bones were sized all wrong in the confines of her body. This feeling that you could be in the company of a man and not want to turn tail and run.
They reached the top of the stairs. “Well,” Jack said, “see you in the morning.” His hand moved to the doorknob.
“Wait,” Addie blurted out, and covered his fingers with her own. As she expected, he stilled. “Thanks. For coming tonight.”
Jack nodded, then turned to the door again.
“Can I ask you something?”
“If it’s about fixing the insulation on the receiving door, I meant to-”
“Not that,” Addie said. “I wanted to know if you’d kiss me.”
She saw the surprise in his eyes. Apprehension rose from her skin like perfume.
“No,” Jack gently answered.
Addie could not breathe, she’d made such a fool of herself. Cheeks burning, she took a step backward, and came up against an unforgiving wall.
“I won’t kiss you,” Jack added, “but you can kiss me.”
“I-I can?” She had the odd sense that Jack was as uncertain about this as she was.
“Do you want to?”
“No,” Addie said, as she came up on her toes so that her lips could touch his.
It was all Jack could do to not embrace her. To let her trace the seam of his mouth, to open and feel her tongue press against his. He did not touch her, not when her hands lighted on his chest, not when her
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