my head starts to spin. I fling myself onto my back against the ground. I
feel the stick of the pine needles underneath me as I remind myself to breathe
slowly, in and out. Turning my head to the side, I stare at the flowers. I
pluck one from the bouquet and snap the flower from the stem. I slowly bring it
to my nose and allow the fragrance to tease my senses. It is a brief reminder
that I’m still here. I’m still alive.
Peeling away petal after
petal, I let them drift down all around me. “I’m here JT. Still waiting for you
to come back for me like you promised, but you can’t come back, can you? Ever.”
Praying, wishing, and hoping he can hear me, I speak out loud. “What now? What
do I do now? I can’t go back to school. I’ll never walk through those doors
again. So many memories.” I pull off another crimson petal, and a blast of air
of wind carries it away.
“I miss you. I miss you so
damn much. I know I can’t bring you back, and I have to let you go. Not
forever, but for now. I have to figure out where to go from here. I don’t want
to hate you for leaving me and for what happened to Cal, but I might start
doing just that if I don’t let you go. I already hate myself enough for him.
I’m so lost,” I whisper.
I’m not sure how long I’m
there, but eventually, the sunset surrounds me. I turn my head and glance at
the small pond. As my eyes skim over the water, I notice someone leaning
against a tree on the other side. His silhouette is familiar. I shade my eyes
to see his face, and my heart drops. What the.....I suddenly sit up.
“Hey Jay.”
I scream, startled by the
voice behind me. Jumping up, I see Kane standing there.
“Are you okay?” he asks,
stepping towards me and placing his arms on either side of mine.
Looking back to the other
side of the water, I see nothing. No one. Did I imagine seeing him? My heart
races with fear.
“Jay, what are you staring
at? Look at me. Damn, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
The concern in his voice
finally snaps me out of my thoughts, and I glance into his worried eyes.
“God, you’re shaking like a
leaf.” Pulling me into his arms, he secures me in his grasp and allows me to
bury my face in his chest. He strokes his hand over my hair and whispers in my
ear, “I’m sorry I scared you. I thought you would have seen me walking up.
Shhh...it’s okay baby. I’ve got you.”
“Kane,” I whisper, “I think
I am seeing things.”
“What did you see?”
Shaking my head against his
chest, I say, “I don’t want to talk about it. I had to have imagined him.” It
feels so good to be this close to him, to inhale him, and to feel his body
pressing solidly against mine. A feeling of peace spreads over me, but it is
short-lived because he pulls back.
“You saw who?”
I shake my head again. I
just want to be back in his arms once more, but the look on his face stops me.
The tone of his voice is
commanding as he asks again, “I’m going to ask you one more time, and you are
going to answer me. We are obviously not going back to that shit again. No
secrets. No wondering what you’re thinking. Talk to me, Jay.”
“I just thought I
saw...someone across the pond, but it must have been my imagination.” I don’t
want to tell him who I thought I saw. It doesn’t make any sense. It couldn’t
have been him.
Finally, with a look of
resignation on this face, he asks, “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I just didn’t see you.
I guess you could say I was talking to ghost.” I glance towards JT’s grave, and
Kane’s eyes follow mine.
“Even though I hated that
you picked him, I never would have wished this. Believe it or not, I would go
through the pain of losing you ten times over for that boy to still be alive.
For you Jay, so that you wouldn’t have to live with this for the rest of your
life.” His emerald eyes peer into mine, and his words wake me from my thoughts
of JT.
“What are you doing here, Kane?”
“Your mother called
feel the stick of the pine needles underneath me as I remind myself to breathe
slowly, in and out. Turning my head to the side, I stare at the flowers. I
pluck one from the bouquet and snap the flower from the stem. I slowly bring it
to my nose and allow the fragrance to tease my senses. It is a brief reminder
that I’m still here. I’m still alive.
Peeling away petal after
petal, I let them drift down all around me. “I’m here JT. Still waiting for you
to come back for me like you promised, but you can’t come back, can you? Ever.”
Praying, wishing, and hoping he can hear me, I speak out loud. “What now? What
do I do now? I can’t go back to school. I’ll never walk through those doors
again. So many memories.” I pull off another crimson petal, and a blast of air
of wind carries it away.
“I miss you. I miss you so
damn much. I know I can’t bring you back, and I have to let you go. Not
forever, but for now. I have to figure out where to go from here. I don’t want
to hate you for leaving me and for what happened to Cal, but I might start
doing just that if I don’t let you go. I already hate myself enough for him.
I’m so lost,” I whisper.
I’m not sure how long I’m
there, but eventually, the sunset surrounds me. I turn my head and glance at
the small pond. As my eyes skim over the water, I notice someone leaning
against a tree on the other side. His silhouette is familiar. I shade my eyes
to see his face, and my heart drops. What the.....I suddenly sit up.
“Hey Jay.”
I scream, startled by the
voice behind me. Jumping up, I see Kane standing there.
“Are you okay?” he asks,
stepping towards me and placing his arms on either side of mine.
Looking back to the other
side of the water, I see nothing. No one. Did I imagine seeing him? My heart
races with fear.
“Jay, what are you staring
at? Look at me. Damn, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
The concern in his voice
finally snaps me out of my thoughts, and I glance into his worried eyes.
“God, you’re shaking like a
leaf.” Pulling me into his arms, he secures me in his grasp and allows me to
bury my face in his chest. He strokes his hand over my hair and whispers in my
ear, “I’m sorry I scared you. I thought you would have seen me walking up.
Shhh...it’s okay baby. I’ve got you.”
“Kane,” I whisper, “I think
I am seeing things.”
“What did you see?”
Shaking my head against his
chest, I say, “I don’t want to talk about it. I had to have imagined him.” It
feels so good to be this close to him, to inhale him, and to feel his body
pressing solidly against mine. A feeling of peace spreads over me, but it is
short-lived because he pulls back.
“You saw who?”
I shake my head again. I
just want to be back in his arms once more, but the look on his face stops me.
The tone of his voice is
commanding as he asks again, “I’m going to ask you one more time, and you are
going to answer me. We are obviously not going back to that shit again. No
secrets. No wondering what you’re thinking. Talk to me, Jay.”
“I just thought I
saw...someone across the pond, but it must have been my imagination.” I don’t
want to tell him who I thought I saw. It doesn’t make any sense. It couldn’t
have been him.
Finally, with a look of
resignation on this face, he asks, “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I just didn’t see you.
I guess you could say I was talking to ghost.” I glance towards JT’s grave, and
Kane’s eyes follow mine.
“Even though I hated that
you picked him, I never would have wished this. Believe it or not, I would go
through the pain of losing you ten times over for that boy to still be alive.
For you Jay, so that you wouldn’t have to live with this for the rest of your
life.” His emerald eyes peer into mine, and his words wake me from my thoughts
of JT.
“What are you doing here, Kane?”
“Your mother called
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