sing.
It was my job to tuck her in at night, to make sure she took her bath and kissed her mommy enough. It was me who loved her little personality, who cherished her sweet kisses, who kissed her goodbye every day before school. It was me who played Santa and took a million pictures. I had built us the perfect house and given her the best room she could have ever asked for. It was me who she came to when she had a bad dream, and my side of the bed when she wanted to cuddle with us at night.
None of that had anything on what she had taught me. Izzy had taught me what the real meaning of love was. She had given me this life I was living. She’d led me straight to Miranda. She made our family complete.
I looked down at her hand holding mine. Her little perfect hand that I remember being so small it could only hold one of my fingers.
Izzy never let go of her hold on me, perhaps knowing that I just needed to hold her, or maybe she was afraid of seeing me so emotional. I just couldn’t help it. I’d never felt so sad about anything.
Conner came walking out and I didn’t even care about him seeing me upset. He gave me a nod and approached us anyway. “ Hey Bella, Grandma says that she has somethin’ for you and Noah to do. Can you come with me for a sec?”
Thankfully , she didn’t turn back to look at me. I watched her walking away and felt like the life was escaping from my body. I put my hands over my eyes and just sat there as the night sky turned to black.
A little while later, I heard someone approaching me, but never looked up. Someone sat down beside me and reached their arms inside of mine. Van’s s oft voice spoke close to my ear . “I thought I’d find you out here. I leaned my head down on top of hers and just sat there saying nothing. I wasn’t crying as bad as before, but I still could n’t see clear on account of my eyes being filled with wetness.
“Colt will do whatever it takes Ty. We won’t let her take that title from you. This whole family knows who that child’s real father is.”
That’s when I just lost it again. Van pulled me close and wrapped her arms around m e. She rubbed my back and let me cry. “I love her so much, Van. Maybe it’s wrong for me, maybe it’s selfish. I just don’t want to share her. She’s my baby, not anyone else’s . She’s my little girl.”
“Shhh, I know she is. You have to calm down, Ty. If Bella or Miranda sees you like this they are going to get upset. You have to be strong for them until we can figure out what to do.”
I kept my head against her shoulder. “I’m so scared, Van. I’ve never hurt like this. Please tell me how to be strong for them, when all I can think about is losing my family.”
She pulled away and looked me in the eye. “Ty, no matter what comes out of this, you will be her Daddy. Even at the worst, and she finds out about Tucker, you are still her father. She will always be Isabella Mitchell. Miranda had every right as her mother to change her name. We will get this figured out, I promise.”
I knew she meant well and maybe she even believed it herself, but it didn’t take away from my fear of losing my daughter ’ s trust. I’d prayed this day would never happen.
“Tha nks for coming out here with me, ” I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “ and being my best friend, even when I’ m a shithead.”
She wiped away my tears. “Ty, we’ve been through so much, but through it all, I can’t imagine you not being a part of my life; my family. You and Miranda mean so much to me and I love you. I love you both. That’s never going to change. You have one of the biggest hearts and you’re a great husband and father. I’m so proud of you for who you have become. Without you I wouldn’t have been able to get over the whole vagina thing at the hospital. ”
“I knew how much you wanted to be a mother and that you knew damn well that shit wasn’t going to look like that forever.”
“Yeah, but what you said, it
It was my job to tuck her in at night, to make sure she took her bath and kissed her mommy enough. It was me who loved her little personality, who cherished her sweet kisses, who kissed her goodbye every day before school. It was me who played Santa and took a million pictures. I had built us the perfect house and given her the best room she could have ever asked for. It was me who she came to when she had a bad dream, and my side of the bed when she wanted to cuddle with us at night.
None of that had anything on what she had taught me. Izzy had taught me what the real meaning of love was. She had given me this life I was living. She’d led me straight to Miranda. She made our family complete.
I looked down at her hand holding mine. Her little perfect hand that I remember being so small it could only hold one of my fingers.
Izzy never let go of her hold on me, perhaps knowing that I just needed to hold her, or maybe she was afraid of seeing me so emotional. I just couldn’t help it. I’d never felt so sad about anything.
Conner came walking out and I didn’t even care about him seeing me upset. He gave me a nod and approached us anyway. “ Hey Bella, Grandma says that she has somethin’ for you and Noah to do. Can you come with me for a sec?”
Thankfully , she didn’t turn back to look at me. I watched her walking away and felt like the life was escaping from my body. I put my hands over my eyes and just sat there as the night sky turned to black.
A little while later, I heard someone approaching me, but never looked up. Someone sat down beside me and reached their arms inside of mine. Van’s s oft voice spoke close to my ear . “I thought I’d find you out here. I leaned my head down on top of hers and just sat there saying nothing. I wasn’t crying as bad as before, but I still could n’t see clear on account of my eyes being filled with wetness.
“Colt will do whatever it takes Ty. We won’t let her take that title from you. This whole family knows who that child’s real father is.”
That’s when I just lost it again. Van pulled me close and wrapped her arms around m e. She rubbed my back and let me cry. “I love her so much, Van. Maybe it’s wrong for me, maybe it’s selfish. I just don’t want to share her. She’s my baby, not anyone else’s . She’s my little girl.”
“Shhh, I know she is. You have to calm down, Ty. If Bella or Miranda sees you like this they are going to get upset. You have to be strong for them until we can figure out what to do.”
I kept my head against her shoulder. “I’m so scared, Van. I’ve never hurt like this. Please tell me how to be strong for them, when all I can think about is losing my family.”
She pulled away and looked me in the eye. “Ty, no matter what comes out of this, you will be her Daddy. Even at the worst, and she finds out about Tucker, you are still her father. She will always be Isabella Mitchell. Miranda had every right as her mother to change her name. We will get this figured out, I promise.”
I knew she meant well and maybe she even believed it herself, but it didn’t take away from my fear of losing my daughter ’ s trust. I’d prayed this day would never happen.
“Tha nks for coming out here with me, ” I grabbed her hand and kissed it. “ and being my best friend, even when I’ m a shithead.”
She wiped away my tears. “Ty, we’ve been through so much, but through it all, I can’t imagine you not being a part of my life; my family. You and Miranda mean so much to me and I love you. I love you both. That’s never going to change. You have one of the biggest hearts and you’re a great husband and father. I’m so proud of you for who you have become. Without you I wouldn’t have been able to get over the whole vagina thing at the hospital. ”
“I knew how much you wanted to be a mother and that you knew damn well that shit wasn’t going to look like that forever.”
“Yeah, but what you said, it
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