fiercest smile. I refuse to let him make me hide, even if my clothes are fitting looser against my frame because I can’t eat, can’t sleep, and feel smaller than I am. The fading bruises on my wrists are a constant reminder that he was more than just a nightmare, and I’ve decorated them with bracelets and bangles and cute fingerless gloves. Every day, I’ve treated life like a runway, strutting with a confidence I hope to someday feel again.
On Friday, I’m standing with Rowan in the only private room of the band’s tour bus staring down at the clothes she’s dressed me in. The oversized purple tank top, I can deal with. The cut-off jean shorts, those are okay too. But the black-and-white Chuck Taylors on my feet? “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Rowan giggles. We’re parked at the music festival, preparing for our first day of shows and general mayhem, and she’s enjoying this way too much. Normally, I’m the one dressing her, not the other way around.
She’s made me into her personal scene-kid Barbie.
This has got to be what hell feels like.
“Do I need to put my hair up into a messy bun, too?” I scoff, wiggling my toes in the world’s flattest shoes. They might be cute if they had a wedge heel or something, but the guys insisted that if I didn’t wear flats, my feet would fall off—which led to a long, disturbing conversation about amputation that I’ll probably have nightmares about for weeks to come.
“Actually, you probably should,” Rowan says, offering me a hair tie. “It’s hot as hell out there.”
I point a manicured fingernail at her like I’m warding off the hounds of hell. Even though we’re in the middle of some ungodly hot, middle-of-March heat-wave in crocodile-country Georgia, I have no intention of rocking Rowan’s college-bum hairstyle. “No freaking way. If I’m going to wear these grungy shoes, I’m at least keeping my hair down.”
A few hours later, my chocolate locks are melted against the back of my neck and my feet are dragging as I walk with my best friend and four sizzling-hot rock stars along a row of tents. When the guys emphasized that the festival was ‘down South’ and that it was going to be ‘warm’, I had no idea it would feel like sunbathing on the equator. Distant music drifts to my sweat-sprinkled ears from the area where the stages are, but right now we’re searching for food. “Can I borrow your hair tie?” I beg Rowan. “Just for like . . . an hour.”
She shakes her head. “I told you to wear one. You should’ve brought one along.”
I throw both arms in the air. “And put it where? I’m wearing like fifty billion wristbands!” I’ve purchased one at almost every band merchandise tent we’ve stopped at because they cover my faded bruises, help me fit in, and are way cuter than I’d ever willingly admit.
Without warning, Joel steps in front of me and scoops me over his good shoulder. His other is still healing, but the stitches in his knuckles were removed yesterday, so he’s looking like less of a mess. “There,” he says while I hang upside down like a soggy noodle, “now your hair is off your neck and your feet don’t hurt. Stop whining.”
Adam, Shawn, and Mike all laugh, but I’m too busy enjoying the reprieve from walking to mind. “Thank God.”
Joel chuckles and carries me all the way to the barbecue pit, where he sets me back on my feet and we all get in line. I insist I don’t want anything, but Joel orders a sandwich for me anyway, and the band covers the tab before we commandeer a long picnic table.
Today, I taped neon-green flyers everywhere . Between the handouts and the ads I posted online, I’m hoping we’ll have a good turnout for auditions next weekend. I’m taking this project and my debt to the band as seriously as I’ve ever taken anything—I’m going to sit in on auditions and make sure to see this through. The sooner Cody is replaced, the sooner I can feel like he’s not missing ,
On Friday, I’m standing with Rowan in the only private room of the band’s tour bus staring down at the clothes she’s dressed me in. The oversized purple tank top, I can deal with. The cut-off jean shorts, those are okay too. But the black-and-white Chuck Taylors on my feet? “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Rowan giggles. We’re parked at the music festival, preparing for our first day of shows and general mayhem, and she’s enjoying this way too much. Normally, I’m the one dressing her, not the other way around.
She’s made me into her personal scene-kid Barbie.
This has got to be what hell feels like.
“Do I need to put my hair up into a messy bun, too?” I scoff, wiggling my toes in the world’s flattest shoes. They might be cute if they had a wedge heel or something, but the guys insisted that if I didn’t wear flats, my feet would fall off—which led to a long, disturbing conversation about amputation that I’ll probably have nightmares about for weeks to come.
“Actually, you probably should,” Rowan says, offering me a hair tie. “It’s hot as hell out there.”
I point a manicured fingernail at her like I’m warding off the hounds of hell. Even though we’re in the middle of some ungodly hot, middle-of-March heat-wave in crocodile-country Georgia, I have no intention of rocking Rowan’s college-bum hairstyle. “No freaking way. If I’m going to wear these grungy shoes, I’m at least keeping my hair down.”
A few hours later, my chocolate locks are melted against the back of my neck and my feet are dragging as I walk with my best friend and four sizzling-hot rock stars along a row of tents. When the guys emphasized that the festival was ‘down South’ and that it was going to be ‘warm’, I had no idea it would feel like sunbathing on the equator. Distant music drifts to my sweat-sprinkled ears from the area where the stages are, but right now we’re searching for food. “Can I borrow your hair tie?” I beg Rowan. “Just for like . . . an hour.”
She shakes her head. “I told you to wear one. You should’ve brought one along.”
I throw both arms in the air. “And put it where? I’m wearing like fifty billion wristbands!” I’ve purchased one at almost every band merchandise tent we’ve stopped at because they cover my faded bruises, help me fit in, and are way cuter than I’d ever willingly admit.
Without warning, Joel steps in front of me and scoops me over his good shoulder. His other is still healing, but the stitches in his knuckles were removed yesterday, so he’s looking like less of a mess. “There,” he says while I hang upside down like a soggy noodle, “now your hair is off your neck and your feet don’t hurt. Stop whining.”
Adam, Shawn, and Mike all laugh, but I’m too busy enjoying the reprieve from walking to mind. “Thank God.”
Joel chuckles and carries me all the way to the barbecue pit, where he sets me back on my feet and we all get in line. I insist I don’t want anything, but Joel orders a sandwich for me anyway, and the band covers the tab before we commandeer a long picnic table.
Today, I taped neon-green flyers everywhere . Between the handouts and the ads I posted online, I’m hoping we’ll have a good turnout for auditions next weekend. I’m taking this project and my debt to the band as seriously as I’ve ever taken anything—I’m going to sit in on auditions and make sure to see this through. The sooner Cody is replaced, the sooner I can feel like he’s not missing ,
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