forced me to hold more ice on my face), I couldn’t shut off my brain.
Drew and I were moving forward, taking small steps toward creating the life we wanted to have together but never thought we would. It wasn’t going to be an easy life; we already knew this. That didn’t mean I couldn’t make it as good as I could. I wanted Drew to have everything. I was determined to give it to him.
What did that mean?
Change.
Facing fears.
Coming out.
Yeah. It was big. Bigger than me and Drew, bigger than our relationship. I didn’t know if it would even be possible, but I was going to try.
I couldn’t change the world or everyone’s opinions.
But maybe I could change enough to make a difference in the life we would have together. I just wanted the bubble we lived in to be a little bit bigger, a little more comfortable.
Idealistic? Unrealistic? Brave?
No.
Selfish.
I wanted that for Drew, because giving him that would make me happy.
But how did one start a sort of revolution?
A couple ideas were floating around my head. There were a few platforms I could utilize and another pending revolution I could maybe tap into. It was worth a try. At the end of the day, I would at least know I gave it a shot.
Drew was quiet during the drive back to Omega. I didn’t make much effort to talk. I knew he was still pissed off I was coming back here, and he was worried something like this might happen again.
It wouldn’t.
I was on guard now.
My stomach twisted a little as we neared the house. I wasn’t scared to come back, but I didn’t want to be here. In truth, I felt betrayed. I’d given a lot of myself and a hell of a lot of time to this place. I felt it was all thrown back in my face.
Rationally, I knew it was only four guys and shouldn’t reflect on everyone under the roof. But it did. If four of them felt this way about a gay member—a gay president—how many more of them would be disgusted?
It doesn’t matter, I told myself. I wasn’t walking in there and announcing tonight this happened because of a lifestyle choice.
I know that was ironic.
I was so determined to make the world Drew and I lived in a place where it was okay for us to love each other. Tonight wasn’t the night to go there. I hadn’t talked to Drew about it yet. I wasn’t going to “come out” until he was okay with it. I could come out as gay and leave him out of it, but let’s be real. Everyone would know who I was involved with.
They already speculated.
Judging from Drew’s initial reaction to our family seeing us first touching (as more than friends), bringing it up right now was off the table. He needed some more time, and he was going to get it.
Do I need more time? I asked myself as we pulled up to the house.
A ton of lights were on inside, illuminating the grass and landscaping around the house. I even saw a sliver of light peeking through the heavy drapes in the dining room where we held our meetings.
Maybe I did need more. But honestly? More time wouldn’t change anything.
I couldn’t say I would ever be “ready” to face people’s judgment. There are some things a person can never be ready for, but it shouldn’t stop you from doing it. Waiting wouldn’t change anything for me. I’d still feel the same way later.
I’d been digesting how I felt for a long time. I’d been trying to make sense of falling for my best friend almost since the day we met.
It came down to one thing.
Value.
I valued my relationship with Drew far more than I valued anything else. That deserved to be recognized. Even if it was the recognition I didn’t want.
“Are you sure about this?” Drew asked, letting the engine idle as he stared out the windshield at the house.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll come in with you,” he said for the hundredth time.
“No,” I replied for the hundredth time. “Having you there will just make more tongues wag, and it’s a house meeting. You aren’t an Omega.”
“Right.”
I grabbed his jaw and pulled
Drew and I were moving forward, taking small steps toward creating the life we wanted to have together but never thought we would. It wasn’t going to be an easy life; we already knew this. That didn’t mean I couldn’t make it as good as I could. I wanted Drew to have everything. I was determined to give it to him.
What did that mean?
Change.
Facing fears.
Coming out.
Yeah. It was big. Bigger than me and Drew, bigger than our relationship. I didn’t know if it would even be possible, but I was going to try.
I couldn’t change the world or everyone’s opinions.
But maybe I could change enough to make a difference in the life we would have together. I just wanted the bubble we lived in to be a little bit bigger, a little more comfortable.
Idealistic? Unrealistic? Brave?
No.
Selfish.
I wanted that for Drew, because giving him that would make me happy.
But how did one start a sort of revolution?
A couple ideas were floating around my head. There were a few platforms I could utilize and another pending revolution I could maybe tap into. It was worth a try. At the end of the day, I would at least know I gave it a shot.
Drew was quiet during the drive back to Omega. I didn’t make much effort to talk. I knew he was still pissed off I was coming back here, and he was worried something like this might happen again.
It wouldn’t.
I was on guard now.
My stomach twisted a little as we neared the house. I wasn’t scared to come back, but I didn’t want to be here. In truth, I felt betrayed. I’d given a lot of myself and a hell of a lot of time to this place. I felt it was all thrown back in my face.
Rationally, I knew it was only four guys and shouldn’t reflect on everyone under the roof. But it did. If four of them felt this way about a gay member—a gay president—how many more of them would be disgusted?
It doesn’t matter, I told myself. I wasn’t walking in there and announcing tonight this happened because of a lifestyle choice.
I know that was ironic.
I was so determined to make the world Drew and I lived in a place where it was okay for us to love each other. Tonight wasn’t the night to go there. I hadn’t talked to Drew about it yet. I wasn’t going to “come out” until he was okay with it. I could come out as gay and leave him out of it, but let’s be real. Everyone would know who I was involved with.
They already speculated.
Judging from Drew’s initial reaction to our family seeing us first touching (as more than friends), bringing it up right now was off the table. He needed some more time, and he was going to get it.
Do I need more time? I asked myself as we pulled up to the house.
A ton of lights were on inside, illuminating the grass and landscaping around the house. I even saw a sliver of light peeking through the heavy drapes in the dining room where we held our meetings.
Maybe I did need more. But honestly? More time wouldn’t change anything.
I couldn’t say I would ever be “ready” to face people’s judgment. There are some things a person can never be ready for, but it shouldn’t stop you from doing it. Waiting wouldn’t change anything for me. I’d still feel the same way later.
I’d been digesting how I felt for a long time. I’d been trying to make sense of falling for my best friend almost since the day we met.
It came down to one thing.
Value.
I valued my relationship with Drew far more than I valued anything else. That deserved to be recognized. Even if it was the recognition I didn’t want.
“Are you sure about this?” Drew asked, letting the engine idle as he stared out the windshield at the house.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll come in with you,” he said for the hundredth time.
“No,” I replied for the hundredth time. “Having you there will just make more tongues wag, and it’s a house meeting. You aren’t an Omega.”
“Right.”
I grabbed his jaw and pulled
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