walking
encyclopedia now. I found a lump. So when I went to my twelve-week prenatal
visit, I had the doctor check it out.” Nina paused. “Ah, her face, Sonnet. I
think I knew the second she palpated it. I had an ultrasound and my lump had a
name—a three-centimeter lobulated mass. So I had to have a core biopsy, which I
would not wish on my worst enemy. You’re clamped
into a mammogram machine, lying down in an awkward position on a bench. You get
a local anesthetic with a hideous needle. That was the worst part of it. After
the numbing, they stick you with an even more hideous biopsy needle. I’ll never
forget the sound it made—a loud click.”
Sonnet cringed. “Mom, that’s awful. Why the hell didn’t you
call me?”
“It all happened really fast. Greg was my rock. He still
is.”
“I know, but I’m your daughter. Okay, so the biopsy…”
“Then there was a sentinel node biopsy, CT scans, MRI. Consider
yourself informed. And stop worrying. I’m going to get through this.”
“Not without me, you aren’t.”
Nina bent and picked up the dropped spoon, rinsing it at the
sink. “Sonnet, you have amazing things happening in your life. I don’t want you
to miss a moment of it.”
“How about this?” Anger surged through her, cutting cleanly
through her terror. “How about you let me be your daughter and tell me what’s
going on with you?”
“Because I know you. I know you’re going to freak out—”
“You think?” She felt the acid burn of tears in her eyes. “You
really think I’d freak out about my mom having cancer? Gosh, whatever gave you
that idea?”
“I don’t want you to put your life on hold and try to
good-daughter me to death.”
“In case you’re wondering, the decision is already made.”
Sonnet felt a horrible tearing sensation in her gut, knowing her plans for the
future were about to crumble. The fellowship was a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity. No one was given a second chance. It simply didn’t work that way.
“There’s not going to be any fellowship, no moving overseas. I’m staying with
you until you get through this. I’m not leaving your side, Mom.”
“And I love you for that, but it’s not what I need from you. I
need you to go for your dreams, not stand around wringing your hands with worry
about me.”
“Do you think for one second my dreams matter more than your
life, Mom?”
“Ah, baby.” Nina wiped her hands on a tea towel. “No, I don’t
think that. But I also don’t think it’s going to help either of us for you to
change your plans because of this.”
“It’s my life. My decision.”
“You gave everything you have to getting this fellowship,” Nina
pointed out. “I’m not letting you give it up for me.”
“Fine. Then I’ll give it up for me .
I’m not going to do the world one bit of good if I’m sitting in some foreign
country worried sick about my mom.”
“You won’t be worried. I have a fantastic team of doctors, and
there’s a treatment plan.…”
Sonnet swallowed. Treatment plan. “Will the chemo…” Sonnet
couldn’t figure out how to say it. “Will it affect the baby?” Are you going to lose the baby?
“ No .” Nina’s reaction was swift and
vehement. “That’s the first question I asked. This baby is mine and Greg’s. It’s
your sibling. I can’t think of anything but protecting and loving him. The
cancer can be treated without harming the baby. There’s a type of chemo that
will be filtered by the placental wall. I just can’t have radiation until after
he is born.”
“But would radiation be more effective against the cancer?”
“It’s not an option,” Nina said firmly.
For a split second, Sonnet resented the baby, the little
stranger that was keeping her mother from getting the most aggressive treatment
available. Easy, she told herself. Calm down. Parents risked their lives for
their kids all the time; it was part of being a parent. “So what’s the
plan?”
Nina’s gaze
encyclopedia now. I found a lump. So when I went to my twelve-week prenatal
visit, I had the doctor check it out.” Nina paused. “Ah, her face, Sonnet. I
think I knew the second she palpated it. I had an ultrasound and my lump had a
name—a three-centimeter lobulated mass. So I had to have a core biopsy, which I
would not wish on my worst enemy. You’re clamped
into a mammogram machine, lying down in an awkward position on a bench. You get
a local anesthetic with a hideous needle. That was the worst part of it. After
the numbing, they stick you with an even more hideous biopsy needle. I’ll never
forget the sound it made—a loud click.”
Sonnet cringed. “Mom, that’s awful. Why the hell didn’t you
call me?”
“It all happened really fast. Greg was my rock. He still
is.”
“I know, but I’m your daughter. Okay, so the biopsy…”
“Then there was a sentinel node biopsy, CT scans, MRI. Consider
yourself informed. And stop worrying. I’m going to get through this.”
“Not without me, you aren’t.”
Nina bent and picked up the dropped spoon, rinsing it at the
sink. “Sonnet, you have amazing things happening in your life. I don’t want you
to miss a moment of it.”
“How about this?” Anger surged through her, cutting cleanly
through her terror. “How about you let me be your daughter and tell me what’s
going on with you?”
“Because I know you. I know you’re going to freak out—”
“You think?” She felt the acid burn of tears in her eyes. “You
really think I’d freak out about my mom having cancer? Gosh, whatever gave you
that idea?”
“I don’t want you to put your life on hold and try to
good-daughter me to death.”
“In case you’re wondering, the decision is already made.”
Sonnet felt a horrible tearing sensation in her gut, knowing her plans for the
future were about to crumble. The fellowship was a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity. No one was given a second chance. It simply didn’t work that way.
“There’s not going to be any fellowship, no moving overseas. I’m staying with
you until you get through this. I’m not leaving your side, Mom.”
“And I love you for that, but it’s not what I need from you. I
need you to go for your dreams, not stand around wringing your hands with worry
about me.”
“Do you think for one second my dreams matter more than your
life, Mom?”
“Ah, baby.” Nina wiped her hands on a tea towel. “No, I don’t
think that. But I also don’t think it’s going to help either of us for you to
change your plans because of this.”
“It’s my life. My decision.”
“You gave everything you have to getting this fellowship,” Nina
pointed out. “I’m not letting you give it up for me.”
“Fine. Then I’ll give it up for me .
I’m not going to do the world one bit of good if I’m sitting in some foreign
country worried sick about my mom.”
“You won’t be worried. I have a fantastic team of doctors, and
there’s a treatment plan.…”
Sonnet swallowed. Treatment plan. “Will the chemo…” Sonnet
couldn’t figure out how to say it. “Will it affect the baby?” Are you going to lose the baby?
“ No .” Nina’s reaction was swift and
vehement. “That’s the first question I asked. This baby is mine and Greg’s. It’s
your sibling. I can’t think of anything but protecting and loving him. The
cancer can be treated without harming the baby. There’s a type of chemo that
will be filtered by the placental wall. I just can’t have radiation until after
he is born.”
“But would radiation be more effective against the cancer?”
“It’s not an option,” Nina said firmly.
For a split second, Sonnet resented the baby, the little
stranger that was keeping her mother from getting the most aggressive treatment
available. Easy, she told herself. Calm down. Parents risked their lives for
their kids all the time; it was part of being a parent. “So what’s the
plan?”
Nina’s gaze
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