to explaining in the third person, as though her childhood had happened to someone else. Somehow it was easier that way.
"Don't get me wrong," she said. "I'm not complaining. My adolescence was wonderful. I have beautiful memories of my childhood. Dad and mom were older when they had me. My mother told me a thousand times how long they'd waited for a child, and how happy they were when I was born. They wanted to give me everything they possibly could. The best of everything." She paused a long moment before divulging her disparagement. "But because my parents were so thorough in their providing for me, so extreme in their protecting of me, I never learned how to make choices. I never learned how to do things for myself. I was never given the chance."
She unlaced her fingers from his and flattened her palms on her thighs. "Mom and Dad provided me with every perfect thing. A perfect home, a perfect childhood, perfect schooling, perfect clothes..." Her eyes begged for his understanding of her next statement. "The perfect husband."
He was silent as he took in the implications of all that she said. Shaking his head, he asked, "Do I have this right? Running away from our wedding...running away from me was your way of rebelling against your parents.''
"Well," she said, "I guess you could say I was rebelling against you too."
Daniel looked taken aback. "Rebelling against me for what? Loving you?"
"Of course not," she said. "Don't you see? It had nothing to do with how we felt about each other."
"I'm sorry," he said, pulling away from her. "But you've lost me."
"Ever since the first day we met, you took up where my parents left off." Savanna clasped her hands together. She was frightened that she would never make him understand. "You took up their cause. You told me what we were going to do and when we were going to do it. You wanted to know where I was and who I was with. Even when you were away at college, you called to make sure I was studying or if I needed help on an essay or working on this project or that one. You were as protective as my parents ever were."
"Because I loved you, for God's sake." He looked incredulous. "How was I supposed to treat you?"
"But, Daniel," she said, "I felt as though I was drowning in security, drowning in... love."
"Sounds like a fine way to go if you ask me," he said.
She reached up and massaged her temples and muttered, "I'm making an awful mess of this."
Lifting her gaze to his once more, she tried again to explain clearly. "It does terrible things to a person's self-esteem to think that everything must be decided for them. I started to think I didn't have the wits God gave a rock. I never had a chance to depend on myself. I never knew if I could.''
She watched his gaze rove from her hair to her nose, mouth and chin, and then rise again to her eyes. When he spoke, his tone was as still and smooth as a glassy lake. "I did that to you?" he asked.
"It wasn't only you," she gently reminded him. And having heard an edge of guilt in his question, she said, "Besides, everything turned out fine. I turned out fine. Because I..." Her voice faltered.
"Because you ran away from me," he finished for her. "You ran away from what I was doing to you."
"Now, Daniel." Savanna lightened her tone in order to lift the dark mood that had descended on them. "You only treated me the way you thought I wanted to be treated. I didn't come home to explain all this so that you'd feel guilty. I only wanted to make you understand."
"Oh, I understand all right," he said softly. "You saved yourself. Do you realize that?"
Savanna's smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Your decision to leave town was a good one." He cocked his head and his eyes lit with a teasing glint. "I always wondered, though, why you waited to make that decision ten minutes before the wedding ceremony."
Slowly her cheeks flamed, and she grinned to hide her embarrassment. "My timing was awful, wasn't it? I've always felt badly about that."
"Don't get me wrong," she said. "I'm not complaining. My adolescence was wonderful. I have beautiful memories of my childhood. Dad and mom were older when they had me. My mother told me a thousand times how long they'd waited for a child, and how happy they were when I was born. They wanted to give me everything they possibly could. The best of everything." She paused a long moment before divulging her disparagement. "But because my parents were so thorough in their providing for me, so extreme in their protecting of me, I never learned how to make choices. I never learned how to do things for myself. I was never given the chance."
She unlaced her fingers from his and flattened her palms on her thighs. "Mom and Dad provided me with every perfect thing. A perfect home, a perfect childhood, perfect schooling, perfect clothes..." Her eyes begged for his understanding of her next statement. "The perfect husband."
He was silent as he took in the implications of all that she said. Shaking his head, he asked, "Do I have this right? Running away from our wedding...running away from me was your way of rebelling against your parents.''
"Well," she said, "I guess you could say I was rebelling against you too."
Daniel looked taken aback. "Rebelling against me for what? Loving you?"
"Of course not," she said. "Don't you see? It had nothing to do with how we felt about each other."
"I'm sorry," he said, pulling away from her. "But you've lost me."
"Ever since the first day we met, you took up where my parents left off." Savanna clasped her hands together. She was frightened that she would never make him understand. "You took up their cause. You told me what we were going to do and when we were going to do it. You wanted to know where I was and who I was with. Even when you were away at college, you called to make sure I was studying or if I needed help on an essay or working on this project or that one. You were as protective as my parents ever were."
"Because I loved you, for God's sake." He looked incredulous. "How was I supposed to treat you?"
"But, Daniel," she said, "I felt as though I was drowning in security, drowning in... love."
"Sounds like a fine way to go if you ask me," he said.
She reached up and massaged her temples and muttered, "I'm making an awful mess of this."
Lifting her gaze to his once more, she tried again to explain clearly. "It does terrible things to a person's self-esteem to think that everything must be decided for them. I started to think I didn't have the wits God gave a rock. I never had a chance to depend on myself. I never knew if I could.''
She watched his gaze rove from her hair to her nose, mouth and chin, and then rise again to her eyes. When he spoke, his tone was as still and smooth as a glassy lake. "I did that to you?" he asked.
"It wasn't only you," she gently reminded him. And having heard an edge of guilt in his question, she said, "Besides, everything turned out fine. I turned out fine. Because I..." Her voice faltered.
"Because you ran away from me," he finished for her. "You ran away from what I was doing to you."
"Now, Daniel." Savanna lightened her tone in order to lift the dark mood that had descended on them. "You only treated me the way you thought I wanted to be treated. I didn't come home to explain all this so that you'd feel guilty. I only wanted to make you understand."
"Oh, I understand all right," he said softly. "You saved yourself. Do you realize that?"
Savanna's smile didn't quite reach her eyes.
"Your decision to leave town was a good one." He cocked his head and his eyes lit with a teasing glint. "I always wondered, though, why you waited to make that decision ten minutes before the wedding ceremony."
Slowly her cheeks flamed, and she grinned to hide her embarrassment. "My timing was awful, wasn't it? I've always felt badly about that."
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