Regret Me Not by Danielle Sibarium Page B

other when we're going to be torn apart in the end? We'll both be better off."
    He shakes his head, "Neither of us will be better off. I'll miss you like crazy, and I have to believe I mean more to you than this, that the reason you're doing this is because I mean so much to you and you're afraid."
    "You know I love you."
    "Then don't be so sure we'll crash and burn, give us a chance."
    I can't look at him anymore. I can't listen. Each word he speaks is a spike in my heart. I reach for the door handle, he reaches out and grabs my other arm.
    "You're not Jess," I hear desperation in his voice. It's a sound I never want to hear from him. It's hard to breathe, like a gorilla is using my chest as a trampoline. "And I'm not Mike. You're so much stronger than she is. You won’t make the same mistakes she made."
    I open the door and shoot to my feet. I know I could do it now with conviction. "And notice the one thing you didn't say, 'I won't cheat on you.' Goodbye, Brayden."
    "Kenzie!" I hear him call after me, "Come back!"
    I don't. I continue straight into my house and close the door behind me as fast as I can. I lean my back against the door, paralyzed, listening for his car to leave. I'm so torn, I know I did the right thing for both of us, but I want to run back out to him and tell him I didn't mean it. I struggle to stay where I am, glued in place. Minutes pass before I hear the engine of Brayden's car start up. As he drives off, I allow the reality of what I just did to sink in. I just kicked Brayden Turner, my once incredible boyfriend, out of my life.
    *
    If only I had the strength to stick to my convictions, maybe we'd all be better off. But I'm weak. Weak, down deep in my heart and soul where I wish I could find a bit of strength stored away.  Days pass, and while I don't reach out to Brayden, I don't cut all ties the way I know I should. 
    After a few days he cools off. That's when the texts start up.
    Hey.
    I miss you.
    I can't help myself.
    I miss you, too.
    In a surprise visit, he stops by my house the night before he leaves for school. My parents invite him in, even though they have no idea if I want to see him or not. They know we broke up and that we haven't seen each other in more than a week but they don't know why. I don't make a move to come out to see him, not even when they call for me. They don't pick up on the subtlety of that hint and send him away. No. Instead they send him up to my room. I panic when I hear the footsteps coming near. I have no time to react before he'll catch a glimpse of the evidence scattered about, proving how deep in my heart Brayden lives.
    "You sleep with my football?" I turn, and there he is standing just inside the doorjamb, my heart thrums.
    I stare a moment too long, wanting to throw my arms around him, and fighting the urge with every ounce of will power I have. After a moment, I follow his gaze and see the top of the football poking out from under my covers; the game ball from his last high school game ever. Instead of keeping it, he gave it to me, claiming I kept him inspired the entire season. I never before let on how much I treasure it.
    "I don't sleep with a football," I scoffed. "Eww. That's gross."
    I can tell from his smile he doesn't believe me. "You know, just say the word and you can replace the football with the real thing."
    I look at the floor, because it's easier than looking in his eyes and finding hurt and disappointment that replaced the love I'm used to finding there.
    "Shouldn't you be home packing?"
    "Done. I leave in the morning."
    I nod. "I know."
    He runs his hand through his hair and looks away, pulling at my heartstrings with his shy abashed look. The look I thought was an act until I got to know him.
    "I have a favor to ask."
    "I'm listening."
    "You know, in college, homecoming is a pretty big deal."
    "And?"
    "Well I was thinking, maybe, if I don't really hit it off with any of the dozens of girls you want me to hook up with," my heart screams at