Regret Me Not by Danielle Sibarium Page A

feel bad, and I don't want to guilt him into doing something stupid.
    "I promise, Kenzie . . ."
    I place my pointer and middle finger over his lips. "I'm sorry, Brayden. I don't mean to bring you down. I'll be fine. I promise."
    He squeezes me tight. "Here's the thing, Kenzie. Today we passed a milestone. It brings us one day closer to the next one. And after that it won't be long until I put a ring on your finger and promise to devote the rest of my life to you. And I will marry you. I will make you happy. You just need to believe. Believe in us. Believe in me."
    For the moment, I close my eyes and allow his words to sink into my head, and into my heart. Right along with his promises I even allow in the tiniest piece of hope.

 
    Chapter 9
    Our First Goodbye
     
    Even with the air conditioner on, the mid July heat is sticky and stifling. I can't wait for the heat wave to end so I can feel human again. At least I don't have to do anything outdoors. I can stay in the comfort of air-conditioning for most of my day. I hope it breaks before Brayden leaves for school. I'd hate for him to have to practice in full gear in oppressive weather like this. Knowing he'll be gone soon wrings my heart. It’s a fact I don't want to face, but deep down I know I can't hide from it any longer.
    We're sitting in Brayden's car, the air thick with tension. We both know it's time to say goodnight. For the moment, only I know it's goodbye as well. I stare at him, trying to get my fill, hoping to memorize every nuance of his face: his long lashes, delicious lips, and his smile that lights the night sky.
    "I know there's something wrong, I can see it in your eyes so why don't you fess up and tell me what's going on."
    I hesitate and consider aborting my plan for the moment. I fast forward our relationship to some point in the future. A time when he's playing professionally and we're married. I think of how happy I'll be, wrapped up in our own world. And then I add a couple of kids to the image. I'll be stuck at home while he's traveling from city to city. Instead of me in his bed, I'll be replaced by drunk and stoned groupies throwing themselves at him. Girls and women who can follow him and will be happy to live out his every fantasy and then some. Young pretty girls with no responsibilities, free to party all night long. It's not a far jump until I look for something to numb the pain. Until I go down the same path as my sister.
    "It's you, Brayden. I mean not you, but the circumstances. You're leaving for school."
    "I won't be far." He rests his hand at the bottom of my neck and strokes my skin with his thumb. I push from my mind the warmth spreading through me, the tiny bumps that cover my skin at his touch. "I'll come home as often as I can. And you can come stay over, any time you want."
    I shake my head, take his hand off my neck and hold it instead. I think better that way. "It won’t work. My parents won’t let me stay over. If I was away at school they wouldn't have a say, but now that I'm stuck here . . ."
    "We'll talk all the time. Nothing has to change."
    "Everything has to change."
    "But we don't have to change with it."
    "We don't have a choice. You finally get to be one of the guys instead of the one policing them. Just go and have fun without anyone holding you back."
    "You won't hold me back."
    "Then maybe you'll hold me back. Maybe I want to take advantage of what-ever college experience I can grasp."
    "That's bullshit and you know it."
    I know I have to dig down deep inside and force him to let go.
    "I'm serious. I don't want to start college tied down."
    He pulls his hand from mine. "Why are you doing this?"
    "I told you . . ."
    "And I know you're lying out of your ass. You want to be free to what? To hook up with random guys? To go party? Maybe I'd buy it if you were going away somewhere where no one knew you? Even then it would be a hard sell."
    "It's what everyone expects, why not give them what they want? Why hold on to each