Redneck Tale - Naughty Shorts by Hennessee Andrews Page A

also mentioned something about
moonshine and kegs. I must admit I’m intrigued, because this will
be a first for me.
    Growing up in NYC, I can’t say that
I’ve ever eaten a pig that had been cooked in the ground. And
moonshine, well, I’ve watched a few documentaries, but have never
tasted it. Oh, and the bride’s dress is camo. I can honestly say
that’s something I must see before I die. In order to get past my
hang-up of being a bridesmaid again, I’m calling this trip a
learning expedition. I will be traveling to parts unknown with
customs I’m sure I won’t understand. Wish me luck.

Chapter 1

    I arrived in—whoa, where was I? I
grabbed my cell phone I’d been using for GPS that gave me turn by
turn directions to my aunt’s place. I had to blink and double check
the address. Winding dirt roads crisscrossed me through the
wilderness and over low water bridges. A couple of times I had to
stop and make sure I was heading in the right direction. I ended up
at an old farm house with a long, covered front porch surrounded by
trees. A couple of rusted vehicles sat off to the right, tall weeds
reaching up to the door handles.
    Holy shit! Deep howls and barks wailed
out as a swarm of dogs surrounded my rental car. Damn, there must
have been ten, twelve. Long ears and drawn faces stared at me,
offering sporadic wolfs. Yikes, I was not getting out of the car.
No way. Surely I was at the wrong place. Before I could dial my
aunt’s number, a man walked out of a dilapidated garage and started
shouting at the dogs. He was holding something in his blackened and
greasy hands. I eased the window down as he started to approach,
but just a crack.
    “ Git!” he shouted at the
dogs as they jumped and ran around his legs. “I said
git!”
    Through the grease and grim covering
his face, hands, and arms, I recognized my uncle Jimmy. I guessed I
was at the right place after all.
    “ Is that you, Vicki?” Uncle
Jimmy asked and grinned with a wide smile, showing off his missing
front tooth. “Well, I’ll be. Get out and come on in. Your aunt is
inside making a pitcher of sweet tea.”
    Hesitantly I opened the door. “Will
those dogs bite?” I asked. That was the last thing I
needed.
    “ Nah, they just get excited
when company shows up.”
    “ Oh, okay.” I stepped out
and glanced around again. I hadn’t been here since I was a kid, but
then, I don’t recall it looking so, so rundown?
    “ Vicki!” A shrill woman’s
voice called. “Oh, Lordy, Vicki!”
    The woman sprinted down the stairs,
big blond hair bouncing up and down. She rushed to me and pulled me
into a hug.
    “ Hi, Aunt Sadie.” It had
taken me a second or two to recognize her, but I could have sworn
she'd had brunette hair before.
    “ Oh, let me look at ya!”
she said and held me at arm’s length. Bright blue eyes with too
much eye shadow and mascara stared at me. Her lips were glossed
over with hot pink lipstick and she popped her chewing gum every
few seconds. “Girl, you have grown up into a beautiful woman. Look
at her, Jimmy. Hasn’t she become a gorgeous girl?”
    Jimmy grinned real wide. “Sure
did.”
    Well, this was
uncomfortable.
    “ Come on, let’s go have a
glass of tea and catch up. Jimmy, please get Vicki’s
luggage.”
    “ Oh, no, that’s okay. I
just have a little bag and I’ll come back out for it. It looks like
you’re pretty busy, Uncle Jimmy,” I said, because I didn’t want his
greasy hands grabbing my new and expensive luggage.
    Jimmy shrugged. “I suppose I
am.”
    “ Come on.” Aunt Sadie
tugged my arm. “You need to try on your dress.”
    “ Oh, of course.” Another
bridesmaid dress. I couldn’t wait. I surveyed the place further as
I walked and ended up tripping over a floppy-eared dog that ran
right in front of me.
    “ Bubba, get out of here!”
Aunt Sadie shouted. “Damn coon dogs,” she mumbled and we walked up
the rickety steps. “Anyway, you look like the same size as Becky.
That crazy girl.” She