too."
"—three times. It ain't my own favorite, tell the truth, but it plain old don't
mean
much anymore. If you
call
someone a moth... a MF, that's one thing, but mostly people just use it
as an all-purpose modifier, 'MF this, MF that, MF the other thing.' "
"You don't have to sell me on it, Dak. I agree. But it looks like if
we're going to spend any time around Jubal, we're going to have to
really
watch our mouths."
"Crazy, man. Plum crazy."
"What's crazy?"
I was startled, and looked up to see Travis, Kelly, and Alicia
coming up the path from the lake. The girls had windblown hair, though
I don't recall a lot of wind while we were studying. They must have
been really moving along in whatever kind of boat Travis had, the one
we'd heard roaring away a few hours ago. Their faces were shiny and
flushed from sun, wind, and UV blocker.
Fishing? I doubted it. I was so jealous I could have spit.
Dak told Travis what he'd said, and Travis nodded as he set his rod and reel and tackle box on the big patio table.
"That was it, boys. Jubal won't hold with 'blasphemin', cursin',
swearin', nor the utterin' of obscenities.' Learned that in the cradle,
he did. Some of them he can just frown and pretty much ignore, but
anything worse than 'damn' will send him into a silent depression that
can last three or four days, sometimes."
"Jeez—" I started to say.
"Watch it," Travis warned. I slapped a hand over my mouth.
"You mean..." Dak had to pause as he contemplated the enormity of
it. "You mean 'damn' ain't the bottom of the scale? It ain't the
mildest... cussword there is?"
"Best not to take a chance, Dak," Travis said, taking a big rattan
creel from Kelly, who had slung it over her shoulder. "Myself, I avoid
heck and darn and gosh. Jubal feels... more accurately, Jubal's
father
felt those were just euphemisms for hell and damn and God. Not that a
word like 'euphemism' ever had a chance to settle in Avery Broussard's
head, ignorant, pious, brutal, hypocritical swamp rat that he is."
"So what
can
we say?" I wanted to know. "I guess we'd just better flush all those expletives we use in a normal day."
"Not a bad idea. But what I try to do is substitute some harmless
word instead. And you know, everybody knows, there are times nothing
but an expletive will do. Like, you hit your thumb with a hammer." He
put his thumb on the table and mimed hitting it with a hammer.
"
'JEEZ!
...us loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so...' " Everybody laughed. Travis was not the world's best singer.
We made lists of words we could safely turn to when we wanted to say
something we normally would express with a curse or an oath. Words like
swell, and whillikers, and gloriosky, and rats, and glory be!
But that was later, because first Travis opened the creel and
spilled six big catfish out onto the table, still gasping for air. Dak
was trying not to gape, trying to be cool.
"No bass?" he asked.
"We tossed the bass back," Alicia said. "Decided to let 'em grow a little more."
"So... how do you cook those ugly things?"
"Thought we'd deep-fry 'em in cornmeal, sweetie," Alicia said, and
Dak looked as if he might faint. I probably did, too, because I
realized at that moment I was starving.
Alicia and Travis cleaned the fish... and did most everything else,
none of the rest of us being very good cooks. When it was all done
Travis set out six places. We heaped our plates with golden crisp
catfish filets, mashed potatoes, okra, and hush puppies. I saw Kelly
about to dig in so I patted her hand and shook my head when she looked
up. I had a hunch. Travis saw me, and tapped his glass of white wine.
"This isn't for me, folks, but the fact is, Jubal won't eat any food
that someone other than himself hasn't said a prayer over. I'll do that
now, unless one of you has words you'd like to say."
I bowed my head, and was surprised to hear Alicia's quiet voice. It
was so quiet, in fact, that I couldn't hear the words, but she sounded
sincere. I did hear
"—three times. It ain't my own favorite, tell the truth, but it plain old don't
mean
much anymore. If you
call
someone a moth... a MF, that's one thing, but mostly people just use it
as an all-purpose modifier, 'MF this, MF that, MF the other thing.' "
"You don't have to sell me on it, Dak. I agree. But it looks like if
we're going to spend any time around Jubal, we're going to have to
really
watch our mouths."
"Crazy, man. Plum crazy."
"What's crazy?"
I was startled, and looked up to see Travis, Kelly, and Alicia
coming up the path from the lake. The girls had windblown hair, though
I don't recall a lot of wind while we were studying. They must have
been really moving along in whatever kind of boat Travis had, the one
we'd heard roaring away a few hours ago. Their faces were shiny and
flushed from sun, wind, and UV blocker.
Fishing? I doubted it. I was so jealous I could have spit.
Dak told Travis what he'd said, and Travis nodded as he set his rod and reel and tackle box on the big patio table.
"That was it, boys. Jubal won't hold with 'blasphemin', cursin',
swearin', nor the utterin' of obscenities.' Learned that in the cradle,
he did. Some of them he can just frown and pretty much ignore, but
anything worse than 'damn' will send him into a silent depression that
can last three or four days, sometimes."
"Jeez—" I started to say.
"Watch it," Travis warned. I slapped a hand over my mouth.
"You mean..." Dak had to pause as he contemplated the enormity of
it. "You mean 'damn' ain't the bottom of the scale? It ain't the
mildest... cussword there is?"
"Best not to take a chance, Dak," Travis said, taking a big rattan
creel from Kelly, who had slung it over her shoulder. "Myself, I avoid
heck and darn and gosh. Jubal feels... more accurately, Jubal's
father
felt those were just euphemisms for hell and damn and God. Not that a
word like 'euphemism' ever had a chance to settle in Avery Broussard's
head, ignorant, pious, brutal, hypocritical swamp rat that he is."
"So what
can
we say?" I wanted to know. "I guess we'd just better flush all those expletives we use in a normal day."
"Not a bad idea. But what I try to do is substitute some harmless
word instead. And you know, everybody knows, there are times nothing
but an expletive will do. Like, you hit your thumb with a hammer." He
put his thumb on the table and mimed hitting it with a hammer.
"
'JEEZ!
...us loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so...' " Everybody laughed. Travis was not the world's best singer.
We made lists of words we could safely turn to when we wanted to say
something we normally would express with a curse or an oath. Words like
swell, and whillikers, and gloriosky, and rats, and glory be!
But that was later, because first Travis opened the creel and
spilled six big catfish out onto the table, still gasping for air. Dak
was trying not to gape, trying to be cool.
"No bass?" he asked.
"We tossed the bass back," Alicia said. "Decided to let 'em grow a little more."
"So... how do you cook those ugly things?"
"Thought we'd deep-fry 'em in cornmeal, sweetie," Alicia said, and
Dak looked as if he might faint. I probably did, too, because I
realized at that moment I was starving.
Alicia and Travis cleaned the fish... and did most everything else,
none of the rest of us being very good cooks. When it was all done
Travis set out six places. We heaped our plates with golden crisp
catfish filets, mashed potatoes, okra, and hush puppies. I saw Kelly
about to dig in so I patted her hand and shook my head when she looked
up. I had a hunch. Travis saw me, and tapped his glass of white wine.
"This isn't for me, folks, but the fact is, Jubal won't eat any food
that someone other than himself hasn't said a prayer over. I'll do that
now, unless one of you has words you'd like to say."
I bowed my head, and was surprised to hear Alicia's quiet voice. It
was so quiet, in fact, that I couldn't hear the words, but she sounded
sincere. I did hear
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