clicked his jaw. The sound was so loud and so annoying it seemed to reverberate through the room. “I would have come to you on Wednesday night, but Noah handed me a bottle of Scotch. I was in no shape to drive. I spent the night at the office.”
“And yesterday?”
“I came by after school. You’d already left for the Hunter.”
True. She’d left school early. The principal had insisted.
“Jesus, please believe me when I say I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to admit my concerns to you weeks ago. I’m sorry you found out the way you did, and I’m sorry I’ve messed up what should have been the happiest weekend of our lives.”
Tori was sorry too. She wished she’d never met Declan, and failing that, she wished she’d never agreed to marry him.
“I don’t expect you’ll forgive me. What I did was reprehensible.” He sighed heavily. “If it helps, I have to live with my bad judgment for the rest of my life.”
“Ah, yeah, that helps. A ton.” She held her arms out at her sides. “See, I’m all cured now. All better. Suddenly my life and my future being ripped apart doesn’t seem at all upsetting.”
It was just a damn pity she hadn’t met Andrew before Declan. She strongly suspected that if she had, Declan would never have held any appeal to her. Andrew would have monopolized her every thought.
Her heart did a funny little dance in her chest.
Andrew, sweet, kind, beautiful Andrew, with the sexiest ass in the Hunter Valley.
He and Declan were worlds apart. Not only in personality, but in looks too. Andrew was taller than Declan, leaner. His hair brown, wavy and shorter than Declan’s tawny blond mane. Andrew’s lips were full and soft. They’d made it difficult for her to pull away once she’d started kissing him.
She’d never mistake Andrew’s mouth for Declan’s thinner, wider one, but then she didn’t want to mistake them. She longed to kiss Andrew, while the thought of kissing Declan now made her want to throw up. So did the idea of ever making love to him again. In the past, Declan had never had trouble bringing Tori’s body to life. He was both skilled and passionate in bed. But she’d never responded to him as feverishly and rabidly as she had to Andrew last night.
Even now, with her ex-fiancé sitting meters away from her, she ached for Andrew, not Declan.
Logically, Tori knew this was a defense mechanism, her body’s way of throwing up barriers against the man she’d intended to love for the rest of her life. If she told herself there was someone she wanted more than Declan, Declan wouldn’t have the power to hurt her any more than he already had.
“I need you to understand something, Victoria.” Her ex-fiancé pushed off his seat and walked over to stand before her. “This isn’t about you. It didn’t happen because I looked at you and found something lacking. I think…” He nodded. “You’re perfect. Not just physically, but perfect inside too. You’ll make a wonderful wife, and an even better mother. And I wish…so much that I was the one who could complete your perfect family. I tried to make it happen.” He dropped his head, as though he couldn’t bear to let her look into his eyes when he spoke.
“In the end, I’m not that man. I can never be him. I don’t think like you or share your ideals. I don’t want what you want. My—” He cleared his voice. “My deepest desires would shock you. They’d tear you apart and make you hate me. If we went ahead with this marriage, I’d end up destroying us both. And you don’t deserve that…”
Tori gaped at him. He’d whispered the last sentence. And left it unfinished. She couldn’t help but think if he had said anything more it would have been, You don’t deserve that…but I do.
It struck her then that perhaps she didn’t know Declan as well as she thought she did. She had no idea what these deepest desires of his were and no idea how
“And yesterday?”
“I came by after school. You’d already left for the Hunter.”
True. She’d left school early. The principal had insisted.
“Jesus, please believe me when I say I’m sorry,” he rasped. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to admit my concerns to you weeks ago. I’m sorry you found out the way you did, and I’m sorry I’ve messed up what should have been the happiest weekend of our lives.”
Tori was sorry too. She wished she’d never met Declan, and failing that, she wished she’d never agreed to marry him.
“I don’t expect you’ll forgive me. What I did was reprehensible.” He sighed heavily. “If it helps, I have to live with my bad judgment for the rest of my life.”
“Ah, yeah, that helps. A ton.” She held her arms out at her sides. “See, I’m all cured now. All better. Suddenly my life and my future being ripped apart doesn’t seem at all upsetting.”
It was just a damn pity she hadn’t met Andrew before Declan. She strongly suspected that if she had, Declan would never have held any appeal to her. Andrew would have monopolized her every thought.
Her heart did a funny little dance in her chest.
Andrew, sweet, kind, beautiful Andrew, with the sexiest ass in the Hunter Valley.
He and Declan were worlds apart. Not only in personality, but in looks too. Andrew was taller than Declan, leaner. His hair brown, wavy and shorter than Declan’s tawny blond mane. Andrew’s lips were full and soft. They’d made it difficult for her to pull away once she’d started kissing him.
She’d never mistake Andrew’s mouth for Declan’s thinner, wider one, but then she didn’t want to mistake them. She longed to kiss Andrew, while the thought of kissing Declan now made her want to throw up. So did the idea of ever making love to him again. In the past, Declan had never had trouble bringing Tori’s body to life. He was both skilled and passionate in bed. But she’d never responded to him as feverishly and rabidly as she had to Andrew last night.
Even now, with her ex-fiancé sitting meters away from her, she ached for Andrew, not Declan.
Logically, Tori knew this was a defense mechanism, her body’s way of throwing up barriers against the man she’d intended to love for the rest of her life. If she told herself there was someone she wanted more than Declan, Declan wouldn’t have the power to hurt her any more than he already had.
“I need you to understand something, Victoria.” Her ex-fiancé pushed off his seat and walked over to stand before her. “This isn’t about you. It didn’t happen because I looked at you and found something lacking. I think…” He nodded. “You’re perfect. Not just physically, but perfect inside too. You’ll make a wonderful wife, and an even better mother. And I wish…so much that I was the one who could complete your perfect family. I tried to make it happen.” He dropped his head, as though he couldn’t bear to let her look into his eyes when he spoke.
“In the end, I’m not that man. I can never be him. I don’t think like you or share your ideals. I don’t want what you want. My—” He cleared his voice. “My deepest desires would shock you. They’d tear you apart and make you hate me. If we went ahead with this marriage, I’d end up destroying us both. And you don’t deserve that…”
Tori gaped at him. He’d whispered the last sentence. And left it unfinished. She couldn’t help but think if he had said anything more it would have been, You don’t deserve that…but I do.
It struck her then that perhaps she didn’t know Declan as well as she thought she did. She had no idea what these deepest desires of his were and no idea how
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