her pride.
“Some difference is good,” Declan agreed. “But we are worlds apart. Black and white. I’m too fucked up in my own head to know how to deal with real issues. You’re so together, Tor. Fully okay with who you are. I’ve tried to reconcile those differences in my head and find a way to make us work, but I can’t. Ideally, you’re the perfect woman for me. In theory it should have worked for us. But in reality the doubts won’t go away.”
He smacked his forehead, hard.
Tori winced, knowing it must have hurt. Then she prayed the sting lasted a very long time.
“Damn it! I should have said something before now.”
She bit back the sarcastic comment that sprang to her lips, choosing to keep it simple instead. “So why didn’t you?”
“Because I thought it was a phase.” His voice was filled with desperation. “I figured I’d get over it.”
Get over what exactly? Her? Their relationship? Or his dwindling feelings for her?
“I put it down to premarital jitters, believing I’d wake up one morning and the uncertainty about us would be gone.” He rubbed a hand over the spot on his forehead he’d just whacked, looking helpless. “It never happened.”
Every word he uttered was a shard of pain through her heart, but she remained stoic, refusing to allow him a glimpse into how much pain he’d caused her. She kept her arms firmly glued to her chest so he couldn’t see them tremble.
“How could I tell you I was failing you on such a fundamental level? We were making plans for forever, yet my gut kept telling me it wasn’t going to work.” His eyes pleaded for understanding. “Fuck knows, I wanted to marry you. I fought the cold feet. Every day, I convinced myself that by the time the big day rolled around I’d be fine.”
Nausea assaulted her belly. “For weeks you sat with this uncertainty, worried we wouldn’t survive, and you never said a word to me? You discussed the problem with your business partner instead?”
That hurt almost as much as the end of their relationship. She and Declan had been so close. Both emotionally and physically intimate. She’d confided her deepest thoughts and feelings to him. And there’d been a time he’d done the same with her. Not recently, obviously. But there had been a time. Yet when it came to the crunch, to the essence of his doubts and concerns, he couldn’t bring them up with her. “Am I that difficult to speak to? Was it easier for you to talk it out with a friend than the woman you’d planned to marry?”
“I never intended to discuss it with Noah. Our relationship was none of his business.” Click went his jaw. “But he picked up on my tension and confronted me on Wednesday, telling me I’ve been acting like a prick. I warned him to back off, but he kept pushing.” He paused, his lips stretched thin across his face. “When he brought up your name, I saw black. I slammed my fist into his jaw without thinking.” He muttered to himself.
Tori wasn’t sure, but she thought he called himself a prick and a fuckwit.
“After that, Noah gave me a choice: talk to him honestly or step into a ring with him for ten minutes.”
Noah boxed in his spare time. Not professionally, but he’d trained with some of Australia’s finest. Ten minutes in a ring with him could leave even the fittest athlete half conscious and bleeding.
“I spoke to him.” He squeezed his eyes shut briefly, as though squeezing pain away. “That’s when I knew for sure I couldn’t marry you.” His words were filled with regret, the emotion reflected in his very sad, defeated gaze. “I couldn’t do it to you or to me.”
Tori did not share his regret. Maybe tomorrow it would set in, but right now she was too crushed by his words and too pissed off with his decisions. “And you couldn’t have told me this yesterday? After coming to your startling conclusion?” He had to wait until everyone had schlepped to the Hunter Valley and begun the festivities?
He
“Some difference is good,” Declan agreed. “But we are worlds apart. Black and white. I’m too fucked up in my own head to know how to deal with real issues. You’re so together, Tor. Fully okay with who you are. I’ve tried to reconcile those differences in my head and find a way to make us work, but I can’t. Ideally, you’re the perfect woman for me. In theory it should have worked for us. But in reality the doubts won’t go away.”
He smacked his forehead, hard.
Tori winced, knowing it must have hurt. Then she prayed the sting lasted a very long time.
“Damn it! I should have said something before now.”
She bit back the sarcastic comment that sprang to her lips, choosing to keep it simple instead. “So why didn’t you?”
“Because I thought it was a phase.” His voice was filled with desperation. “I figured I’d get over it.”
Get over what exactly? Her? Their relationship? Or his dwindling feelings for her?
“I put it down to premarital jitters, believing I’d wake up one morning and the uncertainty about us would be gone.” He rubbed a hand over the spot on his forehead he’d just whacked, looking helpless. “It never happened.”
Every word he uttered was a shard of pain through her heart, but she remained stoic, refusing to allow him a glimpse into how much pain he’d caused her. She kept her arms firmly glued to her chest so he couldn’t see them tremble.
“How could I tell you I was failing you on such a fundamental level? We were making plans for forever, yet my gut kept telling me it wasn’t going to work.” His eyes pleaded for understanding. “Fuck knows, I wanted to marry you. I fought the cold feet. Every day, I convinced myself that by the time the big day rolled around I’d be fine.”
Nausea assaulted her belly. “For weeks you sat with this uncertainty, worried we wouldn’t survive, and you never said a word to me? You discussed the problem with your business partner instead?”
That hurt almost as much as the end of their relationship. She and Declan had been so close. Both emotionally and physically intimate. She’d confided her deepest thoughts and feelings to him. And there’d been a time he’d done the same with her. Not recently, obviously. But there had been a time. Yet when it came to the crunch, to the essence of his doubts and concerns, he couldn’t bring them up with her. “Am I that difficult to speak to? Was it easier for you to talk it out with a friend than the woman you’d planned to marry?”
“I never intended to discuss it with Noah. Our relationship was none of his business.” Click went his jaw. “But he picked up on my tension and confronted me on Wednesday, telling me I’ve been acting like a prick. I warned him to back off, but he kept pushing.” He paused, his lips stretched thin across his face. “When he brought up your name, I saw black. I slammed my fist into his jaw without thinking.” He muttered to himself.
Tori wasn’t sure, but she thought he called himself a prick and a fuckwit.
“After that, Noah gave me a choice: talk to him honestly or step into a ring with him for ten minutes.”
Noah boxed in his spare time. Not professionally, but he’d trained with some of Australia’s finest. Ten minutes in a ring with him could leave even the fittest athlete half conscious and bleeding.
“I spoke to him.” He squeezed his eyes shut briefly, as though squeezing pain away. “That’s when I knew for sure I couldn’t marry you.” His words were filled with regret, the emotion reflected in his very sad, defeated gaze. “I couldn’t do it to you or to me.”
Tori did not share his regret. Maybe tomorrow it would set in, but right now she was too crushed by his words and too pissed off with his decisions. “And you couldn’t have told me this yesterday? After coming to your startling conclusion?” He had to wait until everyone had schlepped to the Hunter Valley and begun the festivities?
He
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