"This weekend, we'll get drunk and find you a man to fuck. Someone who
isn't marriage material. A guy looking for a good time. With you waxed, I'm
sure we can bait someone decent."
"I
don't know."
Bethany grabs my hand dramatically. "You were dumped by the most boring person on the
face of the planet because he found you too fucking dull. You're in desperate
need of letting loose and being bad. Now shut the fuck up and let me teach you
how to have fun."
Despite
her less than inspiring pep talk, my idiot sister is right. I've spent my life
being practical except for a few wild months in high school. I married a nice
guy, got a good education, worked hard at my stable job, and saved money for a
house in a safe neighborhood. Despite my solid planning, I end up divorced
months before my thirtieth birthday.
It
is time to try something else.
Chapter Two
Winston
Just
Call Me Woody
Bad
women are my poison. Been that way all my life. They cheat on me. Steal my
shit. Disrespect my family. The last one even hit me over the head with my
laptop. She is the last straw, so I'm swearing off bad women.
I
need a good woman. Hell, I don't even have high standards. I just want someone
I can turn my back on without worrying about my safety.
After
I dump the last chick, my brother Kemp offers to set me up with a nice girl he
knows from the gym. His wife Mira then begs me to go out with a girl she knows
from work. Everyone seems to know a girl I should date. No way am I stooping to
a setup. I'll find a woman on my own.
My
blood brothers and those in my club already snatched up the only good girls I
know. Some guys in the club are married to women who'll tear off their nuts
over hurt feelings. Those men thrive on the drama. I figured I was the same
way. I was wrong.
The
last one was Nomie. She was an adorable attention whore and dumber than a
doorknob. She often couldn't figure out the easiest shit, like how to work the
laptop she brained me with. Her stupidity made me feel like a king though.
I
was her hero for remembering her passwords. I was her knight in shining armor
for finding her keys on the table where they always were. I was a sensitive
poet for nodding obediently while she whined about her latest drama.
Nomie
was easy except when she wasn't then she wasn't worth the effort. Eventually, I
needed her to remember passwords and locations of keys. After a long day at the
construction site, I wasn't in the mood to listen to her made up problems. I
needed her to be a grownup. Unfortunately, I mentioned this desire to her and
she reacted in her normal drama whore way.
No
more stupid chicks, drama queens, or bad girls who wanted to feel me up while
my mom gave Thanksgiving speeches. I'm done with the bullshit even if I have no
idea where to find a good girl.
While
I'm not a religious man, God proves His existence the night Meredith Gordon
walks back into my life.
Our
eyes meet and she smiles in the sloppy way women smile when they're drunk off
their asses. I know she's been partying hard before arriving at the bar. I also
realize she doesn't remember me.
I
remember her though.
During
her junior year in high school, Meredith was going through the lamest version
of a wild period I'd ever witnessed. I was the cherry on top of her rebellion.
She flirted with me then ran away when I flirted back. The chick was funny. I
still remember what she said before I took her virginity in the woods near our
houses.
"Don't
give me herpes or my dad will sue you."
A
week later, my mom pulled up roots and moved us to another town. I sometimes
wondered what happened to Meredith after her wild streak ended and she returned
to her natural good girl ways.
"I'm
looking for a rebound!" she announces to the bar. "Nice guys need not
apply."
I
recognize her friends. One is her slutty little sister. The other is her nerdy
bilingual friend who screamed at people in Spanish when they crowded her in the
lunchroom. Hell if I'm not having a high school reunion
isn't marriage material. A guy looking for a good time. With you waxed, I'm
sure we can bait someone decent."
"I
don't know."
Bethany grabs my hand dramatically. "You were dumped by the most boring person on the
face of the planet because he found you too fucking dull. You're in desperate
need of letting loose and being bad. Now shut the fuck up and let me teach you
how to have fun."
Despite
her less than inspiring pep talk, my idiot sister is right. I've spent my life
being practical except for a few wild months in high school. I married a nice
guy, got a good education, worked hard at my stable job, and saved money for a
house in a safe neighborhood. Despite my solid planning, I end up divorced
months before my thirtieth birthday.
It
is time to try something else.
Chapter Two
Winston
Just
Call Me Woody
Bad
women are my poison. Been that way all my life. They cheat on me. Steal my
shit. Disrespect my family. The last one even hit me over the head with my
laptop. She is the last straw, so I'm swearing off bad women.
I
need a good woman. Hell, I don't even have high standards. I just want someone
I can turn my back on without worrying about my safety.
After
I dump the last chick, my brother Kemp offers to set me up with a nice girl he
knows from the gym. His wife Mira then begs me to go out with a girl she knows
from work. Everyone seems to know a girl I should date. No way am I stooping to
a setup. I'll find a woman on my own.
My
blood brothers and those in my club already snatched up the only good girls I
know. Some guys in the club are married to women who'll tear off their nuts
over hurt feelings. Those men thrive on the drama. I figured I was the same
way. I was wrong.
The
last one was Nomie. She was an adorable attention whore and dumber than a
doorknob. She often couldn't figure out the easiest shit, like how to work the
laptop she brained me with. Her stupidity made me feel like a king though.
I
was her hero for remembering her passwords. I was her knight in shining armor
for finding her keys on the table where they always were. I was a sensitive
poet for nodding obediently while she whined about her latest drama.
Nomie
was easy except when she wasn't then she wasn't worth the effort. Eventually, I
needed her to remember passwords and locations of keys. After a long day at the
construction site, I wasn't in the mood to listen to her made up problems. I
needed her to be a grownup. Unfortunately, I mentioned this desire to her and
she reacted in her normal drama whore way.
No
more stupid chicks, drama queens, or bad girls who wanted to feel me up while
my mom gave Thanksgiving speeches. I'm done with the bullshit even if I have no
idea where to find a good girl.
While
I'm not a religious man, God proves His existence the night Meredith Gordon
walks back into my life.
Our
eyes meet and she smiles in the sloppy way women smile when they're drunk off
their asses. I know she's been partying hard before arriving at the bar. I also
realize she doesn't remember me.
I
remember her though.
During
her junior year in high school, Meredith was going through the lamest version
of a wild period I'd ever witnessed. I was the cherry on top of her rebellion.
She flirted with me then ran away when I flirted back. The chick was funny. I
still remember what she said before I took her virginity in the woods near our
houses.
"Don't
give me herpes or my dad will sue you."
A
week later, my mom pulled up roots and moved us to another town. I sometimes
wondered what happened to Meredith after her wild streak ended and she returned
to her natural good girl ways.
"I'm
looking for a rebound!" she announces to the bar. "Nice guys need not
apply."
I
recognize her friends. One is her slutty little sister. The other is her nerdy
bilingual friend who screamed at people in Spanish when they crowded her in the
lunchroom. Hell if I'm not having a high school reunion
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