Real Vampires Hate Skinny Jeans by Gerry Bartlett

’speriments somewheres else.” The man patted his pockets. “If someone hadn’t stole my knife, I’d show ya what happens when ya mess with Jimmy Flint.” He coughed and sputtered, obviously about to spit right at me.
    “Freeze!” I yelled out loud this time, staring at him hard. His mouth froze before he could cut loose.
“Freeze, freeze, freeze,”
I thought furiously as I stepped closer and moved my hand in front of his eyes. He never blinked.
    “I did it!” I couldn’t believe it. Had I really had this power all these years? Even Jerry couldn’t freeze people. And this guy was solid. I poked him gingerly. Yep, as solid as I’d been the times people, most of them higher on the paranormal pecking order than I’d ever hoped to be, had turned me into a statue. This was freaking amazing.
    “Yep. You’ve got the power. Now step out of range. He’s going to spit when you thaw him, no doubt about it. Let me go ahead and take him out and hell can have him. According to my demonic rolodex, Jimmy Flint was one bad dude before he pickled his think tank.” Alesa rubbed her hands together, obviously more than happy to put this man down like a rabid dog or something. “Sending him below to his just reward could win me some points with Luc.”
    The idea made me sick to my stomach. Or was that the stink in the air? Bad dude or not, I wasn’t allowing murder and Alesa knew it. She made a face and stepped back, muttering about “gooey goodness” again.
    “I think living on a bench in his condition is a pretty good punishment for the here and now. And you know I’m not going to let you take out anyone. Not if you want my help with that pregnancy.” I had to say it, just to make things crystal clear.
    “Yeah, yeah. Why do I even bother?” Alesa leaned against a tree. “You want to know how to thaw him out, agree to take me dancing with you tonight. No last-minute excuses.”
    Blackmail. Of course it was in the demon repertoire. AndI
had
been trying to figure out how to stall her until another night. “You said all I have to do is lose focus.” I turned my back on the guy. “That should do it.”
    “Not when he’s in full statue mode, vamp girl.” Alesa smiled. “Look at him. Before, he wasn’t concrete yet. Now it takes a special technique to thaw him. You want it? Let’s make a deal.” She put her hands on her hips and hummed a popular dance tune.
    I checked back to be sure. Too bad but she was right. My “’speriment” was still solid. “Fine. I’ll take you to the club. I’m sure you can find some poor sap to dance with you.” Yes, I had an attitude, but being saddled with a demon again, new power or not, was working on my last nerve. “You look like a pregnant dominatrix. I bet that works as some perv’s fantasy.”
    “Why, Glory, you do say the sweetest things.” Alesa actually did look pleased and even added chains to her boots and a spike through one eyebrow.
    I turned to the project at hand. I had a statue, his nasty three layers of coats blowing in the chilly breeze. How was this possible? I couldn’t resist. I raised the man’s arm, testing to see if it fell. It didn’t.
    “Any idea what I could be? Why I can do this?” I didn’t look at Alesa, still fascinated by what I’d done. Raise his foot, it stayed. In control, he would have fallen over.
    “Damned if I know. Come on, quit playing with him. Just stare into his eyes and think ‘Thaw.’” Alesa stomped over and poked my back. “Hurry. I should’ve used more of your hairspray. This night air’s doing a number on my hair, making it go flat. In Texas, I think I should have big hair. Am I right?”
    I couldn’t argue with that. Loved big hair myself. Playing with him. That finally got through to me and I thawed him before we got out of there quickly. I did make sure Alesa dropped the five dollars she owed him in his lap.
    “Waste of money. You erased his memory,” Alesa whined as we headed to the shop.
    “Are you