Journal,
Today was officially the worst day of my life. Worst!
I learned a big lesson today. I learned that a lot can happen in thirty lousy seconds. A half a minute. Apparently that’s about how long it takes for some jerk to destroy a girl’s self esteem. I mean, it took a crapload of courage for me to finally talk to him at all. And what did he do? He made me feel like a freakin’ joke.
I’ve had a crush on Jonathan Greene for this whole stupid school year! It’s practically the end of sixth grade and it seems like I’m the only girl without a date to the spring dance. It’s my first dance and I should be excited but I’m not. There is just so much pressure surrounding this whole dance. I’m not sure how to act or what to say or what dress to pick or even how to pick a dress. I’m not thrilled about going but not going just isn’t an option. If Sarah Copeland finds out that I don’t have a date, she’ll tell Katy that it’s because none of the boys wanted to ask me. Katy will tell Shauna because Shauna is new and listens to everything Katy says like she’s her mom or something. Then Shauna will blab it to the rest of Harrison Middle School just to strike up conversation with anyone who will listen. Skipping out of the whole thing would suck but not going would definitely suck more.
I waited until Jonathan was done with his lunch tray before I walked over. Thinking about it makes me cringe all over again.
“Ahem. Jonathan?” Why the heck was I doing this to myself? I thought my heart would explode any second.
Jonathan was standing by the trashcan looking so cute in his Timberland boots and Tommy Hilfiger jeans, his blue and white plaid shirt hanging open to show his white undershirt. He turned to face me completely and I could feel the eyes of the entire sixth grade on me. Oh God! What am I doing here?
“Lindsay? What’s up?” he said all coolly, which was no surprise. He glanced around us and I did the same only to confirm what I already knew.
Everyone was staring.
Shoot! Say something, Linds!
“Ah, well, it’s just that you know… the d-dance is coming… and I was just um, you know, wondering if you maybe needed a d-date?” I stuttered out as I shifted from one stupid foot to the other.
“Oh.” He looked over at the lunch table that all of his rotten friends sat at and I could see a couple of the boys snicker and shake their heads. This had bad, bad, bad written all over it. “Nah, no thank you.” He smiled his easy smile and walked out of the lunchroom just in time for the bell to ring. My classmates laughed and murmured their comments as they filed out of the cafeteria, tossing their plastic trays in the big trash cans as they went. I was frozen in place. The laughs and finger-pointing comments swirled around me like that scene in Snow White where the trees seem to be attacking her in the dark forest and she has to run and fight and struggle to get away. The difference between me and Snow White is she’s a PRINCESS who did what she had to do to get away from the bad guys. I just stood in place like the idiot I am.
My gut turned queasily and I wanted to fake being sick so the nurse would just send me home. “Nah, no thank you?” What was that? I offered to go with him to the dance. It wasn’t like I offered him the garbage off of my tray!
I should’ve listened to Dad. He told me at the beginning of this school year that all boys are punks and to stay the heck away from them. He’s right. Guys are nothing but trouble. If I lose my mind and try talking to a boy again, remind me to save myself the trouble and go ahead and check into the nuthouse before the middle school career-ending embarrassment happens again, okay?
Thanks,
Lindsay
There’s this state of being called “happiness” and as far as I can tell, it’s an illusion. Somewhere deep inside, I guess I associate happiness with magic. There’s sleight of the hand and optical illusion, but when it
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