important town with excellent beaches and a major yacht-building industry. Lido di Camaiore and Forte dei Marmi have even more perfect beaches. Pietrasanta has its grand piazza and an international community of sculptors taking advantage of the proximity of the marble quarries of Carrara , where the immortal Michelangelo himself chose his stone. But we, tucked away as we are among the splendours of the Apuan Alps, need to work a little harder to entice visitors. All these things we can acknowledge without for a moment undervaluing our beloved town.’
‘But.’
‘But I have no doubt as to the possibilities opened up by your recent experiences. They could be, shall we say, a way of turning misfortune into fortune? Porto un’ esempio . A little while ago you were perhaps toying with the possibility of buying or even building another house. You might, for example, discover a plot of land that is ideal for your purposes but that turns out to be classified as non-residential or has some other regulatory impediment. So let’s just say I feel sure you would find your path made remarkably smoother provided that … But I hardly need labour the point to a man of your exceptional intelligence.’
True, my intelligence is rather exceptional, although I think by now anybody who didn’t live in a hollow tree and grunt would have got the idea. It’s not polonium I need fear as the wages of indiscretion so much as penury and homelessness.
‘ Rompo anch’io il discorso ,’ I say, it now being my turn to change the subject. ‘It occurs to me that a little earlier when we were discussing your religious beliefs I may have given offence by implying that my own position is one of intransigent scepticism . No, no’ – I hold up a hand although Benedetti hasn’t moved a muscle – ‘it has been preying on my conscience this last half hour. You must remember that my memory, which you yourself were once generous enough to call “a gem”, was badly affected by my experiences, as my doctors will testify. Yet do you know, in the last few minutes the block caused by the trauma has miraculously begun to lift? I think this superlative coffee may have helped. At last I’m beginning to remember what I told that helicopter pilot about the apparition of the Princess that we all so clearly saw.’
Now the weasel is nodding. ‘I knew you would,’ he says, exposing his canines in a rapacious smile. Then in a surprising gesture he reaches a manicured paw across the table to me. Recklessly – and is there any other way for a Samper to do something momentous? – I take it. As we leave the bar we step into brilliant sunshine. While we have been murkily plotting inside, the mist has vanished. The familiar towers and fountainsand archways glitter in Mediterranean light. Greedily I drink it in. Suffolk is a merciful million miles away. My adoptive home town is laid out before me with the air one of those trays full of objects one has to memorise quickly before a cloth is dropped back over it. My co-conspirator gives a little bow and twinkles away towards his office, sunlight gleaming off his mirror-finish shoes and striking pomaded highlights from his Stygian wig. Whoever would have thought a fastidious artist like Gerald Samper would find himself further thrust into the company of his erstwhile estate agent, a scheming tradesman of high polish and low cunning? My life is at present dogged by menials and functionaries (with a shudder I recall the recent quizzing of police persons) and this must definitely stop. Somehow, I must regain my creative solitude where only the muses are fit company. And I now realise that means right here . It is another of those decisions that take themselves.
*
After this encouraging start to the day, the rest of the morning unfolds in layers of bureaucratic monotony. I need hardly say that Benedetti proves to have been perfectly informed about my affairs. There are bills waiting for me at the post office,
‘But.’
‘But I have no doubt as to the possibilities opened up by your recent experiences. They could be, shall we say, a way of turning misfortune into fortune? Porto un’ esempio . A little while ago you were perhaps toying with the possibility of buying or even building another house. You might, for example, discover a plot of land that is ideal for your purposes but that turns out to be classified as non-residential or has some other regulatory impediment. So let’s just say I feel sure you would find your path made remarkably smoother provided that … But I hardly need labour the point to a man of your exceptional intelligence.’
True, my intelligence is rather exceptional, although I think by now anybody who didn’t live in a hollow tree and grunt would have got the idea. It’s not polonium I need fear as the wages of indiscretion so much as penury and homelessness.
‘ Rompo anch’io il discorso ,’ I say, it now being my turn to change the subject. ‘It occurs to me that a little earlier when we were discussing your religious beliefs I may have given offence by implying that my own position is one of intransigent scepticism . No, no’ – I hold up a hand although Benedetti hasn’t moved a muscle – ‘it has been preying on my conscience this last half hour. You must remember that my memory, which you yourself were once generous enough to call “a gem”, was badly affected by my experiences, as my doctors will testify. Yet do you know, in the last few minutes the block caused by the trauma has miraculously begun to lift? I think this superlative coffee may have helped. At last I’m beginning to remember what I told that helicopter pilot about the apparition of the Princess that we all so clearly saw.’
Now the weasel is nodding. ‘I knew you would,’ he says, exposing his canines in a rapacious smile. Then in a surprising gesture he reaches a manicured paw across the table to me. Recklessly – and is there any other way for a Samper to do something momentous? – I take it. As we leave the bar we step into brilliant sunshine. While we have been murkily plotting inside, the mist has vanished. The familiar towers and fountainsand archways glitter in Mediterranean light. Greedily I drink it in. Suffolk is a merciful million miles away. My adoptive home town is laid out before me with the air one of those trays full of objects one has to memorise quickly before a cloth is dropped back over it. My co-conspirator gives a little bow and twinkles away towards his office, sunlight gleaming off his mirror-finish shoes and striking pomaded highlights from his Stygian wig. Whoever would have thought a fastidious artist like Gerald Samper would find himself further thrust into the company of his erstwhile estate agent, a scheming tradesman of high polish and low cunning? My life is at present dogged by menials and functionaries (with a shudder I recall the recent quizzing of police persons) and this must definitely stop. Somehow, I must regain my creative solitude where only the muses are fit company. And I now realise that means right here . It is another of those decisions that take themselves.
*
After this encouraging start to the day, the rest of the morning unfolds in layers of bureaucratic monotony. I need hardly say that Benedetti proves to have been perfectly informed about my affairs. There are bills waiting for me at the post office,
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