But I don’t feed her.” Taylor stifled a sob. “One day, I go out and she’s dead, withered away from hunger right in front of me. I didn’t care for her. I killed her.”
Sobs choked the end of the sentence. Taylor dropped her chin to her chest. She felt Rowan’s warm, rough hands grasp her own and squeeze gently. She said nothing for a few minutes.
“Dreams are important windows into the soul. Do not discount this dream.” Rowan looked serious when Taylor finally lifted her head to meet her eyes. “You do not trust. That is what this dream reveals. You have been given a life to nurture but you do not trust yourself to do it.”
Taylor nearly gasped out loud at the truth of the statement. Rowan didn’t wait for her to respond. “You must learn to trust yourself. Go deep into your true self and you will find that self is worthy of trust, worthy of esteem. See, Rain shows up at the same time day after day. She believes you will arrive, she believes you are trustworthy. She will help lead you to your true self.”
Rowan massaged Taylor’s forearm as she spoke, sure of her advice. It was a shallow comfort. Taylor wished she could be sure of such a thing, that she was trustworthy. Going deeply into herself, as she had done in the last year, had not produced peace. She felt at times only inches away from a stint at the Funny Farm, that’s what excessive self-analysis had gotten her. Rowan did not know what she had done. The woman nurture d flowers , nurture d dir t . She would probably never kill a living thing.
“Thanks, Rowan. I should probably go to bed now.” Taylor took her arm away.
“Anytime you can share your dreams with me, I will interpret them for you.” Rowan smiled. “Don’t forget to drink the tea; build up your immune system. And don’t neglect your true self.”
“Will do.” Taylor tried to smile as she shut the door.
One more beer, that’s what her true self needed right now. To drown out the last bits of the dream she had not shared with Rowan, the part where she was back on that metal table shivering uncontrollably as blood drooled between her thighs. The nurse had patted her arm, “It will be over soon, just relax.” How could she relax with the whir of the vacuum? In her dream her mind screamed to get off the table, to run away before that machine sucked out every piece of her soul. The doctor had not looked at her. He finished his business in silence, only sharing one word with a watching colleague as he disposed of something wet into a waste bin. The word stabbed her through the fog of horror and medication. “Female.”
And Taylor knew he was not referring to her.
Chapter 14
T
aylor left Rain tied to Liz’s trailer and walked to the covered gazebo to sign in. Horses and people of every color, size, and shape milled around waiting for the start of the poker ride. Taylor silently took a copy of the waiver and glanced at the terms before signing her name.
Rider is aware that horses, by their very nature, are unpredictable and horseback riding is an inherently dangerous activity. By signing, Rider accepts all risk and will not hold The Back Country Horsemen of Washington liable in the case of injury or death.
Blah, blah, blah.
She signed her name. Few things in life were not “inherently dangerous” and when compared to, say, falling in love, horseback riding was a cakewalk.
“How many hands would you like to buy today?” A chubby, sixty-something woman wearing a plaid vest took Taylor’s waiver form and gestured toward a bag of poker chips.
“Uh, just one.” Taylor dug in her pockets for a five. “I’m really here for the ride.”
“And we hope it’s a dry one.” The woman smiled and looked toward the heavens. “ Ridin’ on faith today.”
Taylor stuck her poker hand in her back pocket and made her way to the trailer. She breathed in the moist, fall air. It felt good to be outside being active and getting
Sobs choked the end of the sentence. Taylor dropped her chin to her chest. She felt Rowan’s warm, rough hands grasp her own and squeeze gently. She said nothing for a few minutes.
“Dreams are important windows into the soul. Do not discount this dream.” Rowan looked serious when Taylor finally lifted her head to meet her eyes. “You do not trust. That is what this dream reveals. You have been given a life to nurture but you do not trust yourself to do it.”
Taylor nearly gasped out loud at the truth of the statement. Rowan didn’t wait for her to respond. “You must learn to trust yourself. Go deep into your true self and you will find that self is worthy of trust, worthy of esteem. See, Rain shows up at the same time day after day. She believes you will arrive, she believes you are trustworthy. She will help lead you to your true self.”
Rowan massaged Taylor’s forearm as she spoke, sure of her advice. It was a shallow comfort. Taylor wished she could be sure of such a thing, that she was trustworthy. Going deeply into herself, as she had done in the last year, had not produced peace. She felt at times only inches away from a stint at the Funny Farm, that’s what excessive self-analysis had gotten her. Rowan did not know what she had done. The woman nurture d flowers , nurture d dir t . She would probably never kill a living thing.
“Thanks, Rowan. I should probably go to bed now.” Taylor took her arm away.
“Anytime you can share your dreams with me, I will interpret them for you.” Rowan smiled. “Don’t forget to drink the tea; build up your immune system. And don’t neglect your true self.”
“Will do.” Taylor tried to smile as she shut the door.
One more beer, that’s what her true self needed right now. To drown out the last bits of the dream she had not shared with Rowan, the part where she was back on that metal table shivering uncontrollably as blood drooled between her thighs. The nurse had patted her arm, “It will be over soon, just relax.” How could she relax with the whir of the vacuum? In her dream her mind screamed to get off the table, to run away before that machine sucked out every piece of her soul. The doctor had not looked at her. He finished his business in silence, only sharing one word with a watching colleague as he disposed of something wet into a waste bin. The word stabbed her through the fog of horror and medication. “Female.”
And Taylor knew he was not referring to her.
Chapter 14
T
aylor left Rain tied to Liz’s trailer and walked to the covered gazebo to sign in. Horses and people of every color, size, and shape milled around waiting for the start of the poker ride. Taylor silently took a copy of the waiver and glanced at the terms before signing her name.
Rider is aware that horses, by their very nature, are unpredictable and horseback riding is an inherently dangerous activity. By signing, Rider accepts all risk and will not hold The Back Country Horsemen of Washington liable in the case of injury or death.
Blah, blah, blah.
She signed her name. Few things in life were not “inherently dangerous” and when compared to, say, falling in love, horseback riding was a cakewalk.
“How many hands would you like to buy today?” A chubby, sixty-something woman wearing a plaid vest took Taylor’s waiver form and gestured toward a bag of poker chips.
“Uh, just one.” Taylor dug in her pockets for a five. “I’m really here for the ride.”
“And we hope it’s a dry one.” The woman smiled and looked toward the heavens. “ Ridin’ on faith today.”
Taylor stuck her poker hand in her back pocket and made her way to the trailer. She breathed in the moist, fall air. It felt good to be outside being active and getting
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