not avoidable. The Poles at Katyn were prisoners of war, murdered by our own Allies. They’d been helpless, and their deaths were as unnecessary as they were cruel. It was murder, and I had come to hate murder all the more because of the war. There was enough killing to go around. The thousands shot in the head by the Russians and thrown into pits should not have died that way. It was wrong, so wrong that it made my gut ache. So wrong that I could understand the need for revenge, the absolute necessity of it.
I set down the receiver and stared at the telephone. Kaz was my friend, but it was time to start acting like a cop. At least a cop who knew how to dispose of incriminating evidence. Heprobably had the .32 with him, but I had to look. I went through his desk, rifled his bureau drawers, then moved on to his clothes, patting down jacket pockets. Nothing. I pulled down boxes from the closet shelf, and one fell open. Letters spilled out. They were from Daphne. The postmarks went back to early 1940, when they’d first met, here in the dining room of the Dorchester, as bombs fell on Hyde Park. There were notes as well as letters, probably from when she’d moved in with him. Her handwriting flowed over the paper, a river of words that Kaz would never hear again, even if he read them a thousand times.
I felt like a lowlife. I put everything back, and wished I was still in Naples, hiking up a volcano with Diana. I couldn’t betray Kaz, but I wasn’t sure I could protect him either. It was the same with Diana. I’d learned I couldn’t talk her out of volunteering with the SOE, that she needed to do her bit, as she liked to say. She needed to risk her life, to prove to herself she deserved it. I couldn’t stop her, and I couldn’t protect her from the risk of death either. I cared for both Kaz and Diana, more than anyone this side of Southie, and fear curled up inside me as I thought of the worst of what might be in store for them.
I pulled the heavy curtains shut, pausing to watch the last of the afternoon light bathe the park in a soft glow. Vehicles crawled along Park Lane, tiny beams of light seeping onto the roadway through blackout slits. London had never felt so lonely. Everyone was going somewhere. Home, to dinner, back to the barracks, maybe down to the shelters. Those things that passed for a normal life these days. Friends and family, small talk, even if it was on a subway platform. Me, I was in a high-class hotel, rummaging through my best friend’s possessions, spilling letters from his dead lover onto the floor. Welcome to my war. I poured a drink from the bar Kaz kept stocked with Irish whiskey, just for me. Here’s to you, pal.
It went down smoothly, but I still felt a twinge of that morning’s hangover. I shouldn’t have drunk so much vodka the night before, and I shouldn’t have any more tonight, I told myself asI poured one more. But then I thought, hell, if I’m looking to steal Kaz’s pistol, I might as well drink all his whiskey, too.
Daphne’s letters made me realize how long it had been since I’d written one myself. I pulled some stationery from the writing desk—heavy, creamy paper with The Dorchester in elegant script across the top. I could sneak it into the airmail bag at headquarters, instead of using the Victory Mail forms. Mom would get a kick out of the hotel stationery. I switched on the desk lamp and set down my drink, the heavy crystal settling on the polished cherrywood with a satisfying clunk. It was a high-class sound, the kind of sound that said a lot of money had gone into the furniture, glassware, and booze. A rich man’s sound, the echo of privilege and place. But right then I’d have preferred the sound of a beer glass going down on a coaster at Kirby’s Tavern in South Boston. Soft and quiet. Comfortable.
I started off the letter with the obvious news that I was back in London. I asked about my kid brother, Danny, who had just started college under the Army
I set down the receiver and stared at the telephone. Kaz was my friend, but it was time to start acting like a cop. At least a cop who knew how to dispose of incriminating evidence. Heprobably had the .32 with him, but I had to look. I went through his desk, rifled his bureau drawers, then moved on to his clothes, patting down jacket pockets. Nothing. I pulled down boxes from the closet shelf, and one fell open. Letters spilled out. They were from Daphne. The postmarks went back to early 1940, when they’d first met, here in the dining room of the Dorchester, as bombs fell on Hyde Park. There were notes as well as letters, probably from when she’d moved in with him. Her handwriting flowed over the paper, a river of words that Kaz would never hear again, even if he read them a thousand times.
I felt like a lowlife. I put everything back, and wished I was still in Naples, hiking up a volcano with Diana. I couldn’t betray Kaz, but I wasn’t sure I could protect him either. It was the same with Diana. I’d learned I couldn’t talk her out of volunteering with the SOE, that she needed to do her bit, as she liked to say. She needed to risk her life, to prove to herself she deserved it. I couldn’t stop her, and I couldn’t protect her from the risk of death either. I cared for both Kaz and Diana, more than anyone this side of Southie, and fear curled up inside me as I thought of the worst of what might be in store for them.
I pulled the heavy curtains shut, pausing to watch the last of the afternoon light bathe the park in a soft glow. Vehicles crawled along Park Lane, tiny beams of light seeping onto the roadway through blackout slits. London had never felt so lonely. Everyone was going somewhere. Home, to dinner, back to the barracks, maybe down to the shelters. Those things that passed for a normal life these days. Friends and family, small talk, even if it was on a subway platform. Me, I was in a high-class hotel, rummaging through my best friend’s possessions, spilling letters from his dead lover onto the floor. Welcome to my war. I poured a drink from the bar Kaz kept stocked with Irish whiskey, just for me. Here’s to you, pal.
It went down smoothly, but I still felt a twinge of that morning’s hangover. I shouldn’t have drunk so much vodka the night before, and I shouldn’t have any more tonight, I told myself asI poured one more. But then I thought, hell, if I’m looking to steal Kaz’s pistol, I might as well drink all his whiskey, too.
Daphne’s letters made me realize how long it had been since I’d written one myself. I pulled some stationery from the writing desk—heavy, creamy paper with The Dorchester in elegant script across the top. I could sneak it into the airmail bag at headquarters, instead of using the Victory Mail forms. Mom would get a kick out of the hotel stationery. I switched on the desk lamp and set down my drink, the heavy crystal settling on the polished cherrywood with a satisfying clunk. It was a high-class sound, the kind of sound that said a lot of money had gone into the furniture, glassware, and booze. A rich man’s sound, the echo of privilege and place. But right then I’d have preferred the sound of a beer glass going down on a coaster at Kirby’s Tavern in South Boston. Soft and quiet. Comfortable.
I started off the letter with the obvious news that I was back in London. I asked about my kid brother, Danny, who had just started college under the Army
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