he didn’t ask for custody or visitation. It’s like he wanted to forget they even existed.” I shook my head, hurting for my two little boys, yet thankful that they were free from the poison of Jack’s actions.
“That’s good to know. Have you thought about what you’d want to do for a job?” Levi asked gently as he continued to trace my fingers.
“I checked the newspaper the other day, wanting to get my ducks in a row. I even polished my resume, so we’ll see.” I nodded.
“Abby, thanks for sharing all of this. It wasn’t easy, I’m sure.” Levi spoke after a moment of silence. The crystal blue of his eyes glowed with sincerity.
“Thank you, too. I’m not the only one who shared tonight.” I shrugged a shoulder and tilted my head.
“True, but yours was a fresher pain, Abby. How are you dealing with that?” Levi released my hand and leaned back. The absence of Levi’s warmth made my skin prickle, and I wrapped my arms around myself.
“I’ve forgiven Jack. It was hard. Part of me still wants to see him crash and burn for what he did to the boys and me. I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a certain satisfaction in knowing he’s unhappy. Yet at the same time, my heart hurts for him because he’s lost, so utterly and completely lost. God has brought me through this fire, and I’m stronger because of it. Where Jack beat me down, God lifted me up and restored me. I’m healing and healed from it because of God’s mercy, His grace actively working in my life. I have hope.”
Levi nodded. “I understand. You don’t really get forgiveness till you have to extend it yourself.”
“That’s an interesting way of putting it, but yeah, you’re right.”
“It’s easy for us to ask God to forgive us, but it’s much harder to forgive someone who’s not even repentant. Yet when we forgive, we are the ones free from its burden, not the other person. We think that holding unforgiveness over their head punishes them. It doesn’t. If they didn’t care about the sin, they sure don’t care about you not forgiving them for it.”
“Yeah, true.” I added with a rueful grin.
“Yet God commands us to forgive, so that we can be free from the burden. It’s part of his love.”
“Well said.” I spoke softly, letting the truth of his words warm me like a fresh blanket from the dryer.
“I’ve had years to work through it, Abby. So that brings me to my next question.” Levi looked down and paused. His demeanor changed, and I grew concerned.
“I asked you how you were in healing from Jack’s betrayal and the damage that it caused because I know how long it can take to get past the anger and hurt, Abby. I don’t want to rush into a relationship, not if you’re not ready. I’ve had time, you haven’t.”
“True. You’re absolutely right, Levi.” I nodded sagely.
The spark in his eye dimmed and was lost completely. He smiled but it was only polite and he nodded before opening up his mouth to say something, but I interrupted. “That doesn’t mean that you’re not meant to be involved in my life, Levi. As much as I’ve prayed over you, me, us even. God has only pushed me toward you, not away. It’s not conventional, I know. I’m sure people will talk when they find out that I’m interested in a man already. But I’m not on anyone’s timetable but God’s. I wasn’t looking, Levi, yet God brought you to me; I’m not going to question him. To answer your question a little clearer, I’m ready, if you are.” I held my breath and watched as Levi’s eyes began to sparkle once again.
“You’re sure?” Levi asked, but his face was breaking into a grin.
“I should probably be asking you the same question.” I smiled back.
“So, um.” Levi hesitated then stood. “Abby? Would you do me the honor of letting me court you, officially?
“Yes.” I nodded with a giant grin at his romantic gesture.
Levi exhaled a sigh of what sounded like relief, and I giggled as he slumped in his
“That’s good to know. Have you thought about what you’d want to do for a job?” Levi asked gently as he continued to trace my fingers.
“I checked the newspaper the other day, wanting to get my ducks in a row. I even polished my resume, so we’ll see.” I nodded.
“Abby, thanks for sharing all of this. It wasn’t easy, I’m sure.” Levi spoke after a moment of silence. The crystal blue of his eyes glowed with sincerity.
“Thank you, too. I’m not the only one who shared tonight.” I shrugged a shoulder and tilted my head.
“True, but yours was a fresher pain, Abby. How are you dealing with that?” Levi released my hand and leaned back. The absence of Levi’s warmth made my skin prickle, and I wrapped my arms around myself.
“I’ve forgiven Jack. It was hard. Part of me still wants to see him crash and burn for what he did to the boys and me. I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a certain satisfaction in knowing he’s unhappy. Yet at the same time, my heart hurts for him because he’s lost, so utterly and completely lost. God has brought me through this fire, and I’m stronger because of it. Where Jack beat me down, God lifted me up and restored me. I’m healing and healed from it because of God’s mercy, His grace actively working in my life. I have hope.”
Levi nodded. “I understand. You don’t really get forgiveness till you have to extend it yourself.”
“That’s an interesting way of putting it, but yeah, you’re right.”
“It’s easy for us to ask God to forgive us, but it’s much harder to forgive someone who’s not even repentant. Yet when we forgive, we are the ones free from its burden, not the other person. We think that holding unforgiveness over their head punishes them. It doesn’t. If they didn’t care about the sin, they sure don’t care about you not forgiving them for it.”
“Yeah, true.” I added with a rueful grin.
“Yet God commands us to forgive, so that we can be free from the burden. It’s part of his love.”
“Well said.” I spoke softly, letting the truth of his words warm me like a fresh blanket from the dryer.
“I’ve had years to work through it, Abby. So that brings me to my next question.” Levi looked down and paused. His demeanor changed, and I grew concerned.
“I asked you how you were in healing from Jack’s betrayal and the damage that it caused because I know how long it can take to get past the anger and hurt, Abby. I don’t want to rush into a relationship, not if you’re not ready. I’ve had time, you haven’t.”
“True. You’re absolutely right, Levi.” I nodded sagely.
The spark in his eye dimmed and was lost completely. He smiled but it was only polite and he nodded before opening up his mouth to say something, but I interrupted. “That doesn’t mean that you’re not meant to be involved in my life, Levi. As much as I’ve prayed over you, me, us even. God has only pushed me toward you, not away. It’s not conventional, I know. I’m sure people will talk when they find out that I’m interested in a man already. But I’m not on anyone’s timetable but God’s. I wasn’t looking, Levi, yet God brought you to me; I’m not going to question him. To answer your question a little clearer, I’m ready, if you are.” I held my breath and watched as Levi’s eyes began to sparkle once again.
“You’re sure?” Levi asked, but his face was breaking into a grin.
“I should probably be asking you the same question.” I smiled back.
“So, um.” Levi hesitated then stood. “Abby? Would you do me the honor of letting me court you, officially?
“Yes.” I nodded with a giant grin at his romantic gesture.
Levi exhaled a sigh of what sounded like relief, and I giggled as he slumped in his
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