good night, Adam. You’ve had a long day, and so have I. No more talk. Sleep well.”
Now what was he to make of that? Did she mean no more talk just at present, or no more ever? In the gathering dark he stood uncertainly for a time, then sat outdoors in the full darkness, watching fireflies dart across the lawn. Without doubt, if that is what she really wanted, she would find someone to marry, and he would be rid of her for good. But the image of her, that heat and that pneumatic flesh, giving to another man what she had given him last night, roused within Adam a furious jealousy and a recall of desire that were almost unbearable.
All the next day that image kept recurring. At lunch, alone with Jenks, he broached in gingerly fashion the subject of marital infidelity. It was a delicate subject; you never knew whether another man would frown in distaste, as if you were prying into his head, or would perhaps laugh at what he might take as your naïveté. Having no reason to do so, he had never discussed it before.
Jenk’s evasion was adroit. “Depends on a couple of thousand factors, wouldn’t you say?”
Adam moved to another topic. “Nothing about Ramsey lately? Is anybody going to Europe in place of him?”
If anything important were going on, Jenks would know it. Curious and gregarious, he had found his place with the popular “in” group.
“Ramsey, for all we know, may lose his job,” Jenks said, relishing his ability to inform. “Or else, he may bemoved in glory to the main office. It can go either way if we link up with CBW. But nobody knows anything for sure about that, and may not know for months.”
“So we’re all really hanging by a thread.”
“Pretty much. If the merger goes through, some of us will go higher, some will go lower, and some will go out. That’s the way it is for us wage slaves.”
Jenks shrugged. He could afford to be casual. If anyone were to stay on, he would. Intellectually, he’s notches below me, and he knows it, Adam thought, yet I’m ten times more likely to be “out.”
This awful possibility was chilling. What if he were dismissed and unable to find another job? Thousands of competent men were being displaced as corporations restructured themselves. And they couldn’t possibly get along on Margaret’s salary.
That evening, as he turned the key in the front door, he was both terrified and angry. What was it about men like Jenks or Fred Davis or Margaret’s dull cousin Gilbert that enabled them to be, at least relatively, secure in their places? Davis, to be sure, had inherited a choice piece of land in the heart of Elmsford, but Gilbert had had nothing except a hale-fellow-well-met personality. As to his probable IQ, the less said, the better.
The dogs, who had been alone all day, rushed to greet Adam, but having no heart for them, he let them out without a word or touch. With the shades drawn against the heat the house was dim and dreary. Every move he made, when he pulled a drawer open to get a fork, when he closed the door of the freezer and set a plate down on the table, resounded through the emptiness. He ate quickly without appetite, washed the dish,and after that did not know what to do with himself. The long night loomed.
He thought then of the previous night. She had not telephoned him today. Perhaps she had meant it literally when she said, “No more talk.” But after all, had he not wanted her to mean it? Yes, certainly he had. And why? Because the weight of guilt on his shoulders was just too heavy, so heavy that it had been visible even to her. Had she not told him so?
But how weak he must look to her, like a man afraid to take the pleasure he wanted, a man tied down, regulated, and controlled as if he were a child! What he had done last night—had it harmed anyone? According to the articles that filled the newspapers, more than half the married men in the country took their secret joys on the side. Half of them also got divorced.
But that
Now what was he to make of that? Did she mean no more talk just at present, or no more ever? In the gathering dark he stood uncertainly for a time, then sat outdoors in the full darkness, watching fireflies dart across the lawn. Without doubt, if that is what she really wanted, she would find someone to marry, and he would be rid of her for good. But the image of her, that heat and that pneumatic flesh, giving to another man what she had given him last night, roused within Adam a furious jealousy and a recall of desire that were almost unbearable.
All the next day that image kept recurring. At lunch, alone with Jenks, he broached in gingerly fashion the subject of marital infidelity. It was a delicate subject; you never knew whether another man would frown in distaste, as if you were prying into his head, or would perhaps laugh at what he might take as your naïveté. Having no reason to do so, he had never discussed it before.
Jenk’s evasion was adroit. “Depends on a couple of thousand factors, wouldn’t you say?”
Adam moved to another topic. “Nothing about Ramsey lately? Is anybody going to Europe in place of him?”
If anything important were going on, Jenks would know it. Curious and gregarious, he had found his place with the popular “in” group.
“Ramsey, for all we know, may lose his job,” Jenks said, relishing his ability to inform. “Or else, he may bemoved in glory to the main office. It can go either way if we link up with CBW. But nobody knows anything for sure about that, and may not know for months.”
“So we’re all really hanging by a thread.”
“Pretty much. If the merger goes through, some of us will go higher, some will go lower, and some will go out. That’s the way it is for us wage slaves.”
Jenks shrugged. He could afford to be casual. If anyone were to stay on, he would. Intellectually, he’s notches below me, and he knows it, Adam thought, yet I’m ten times more likely to be “out.”
This awful possibility was chilling. What if he were dismissed and unable to find another job? Thousands of competent men were being displaced as corporations restructured themselves. And they couldn’t possibly get along on Margaret’s salary.
That evening, as he turned the key in the front door, he was both terrified and angry. What was it about men like Jenks or Fred Davis or Margaret’s dull cousin Gilbert that enabled them to be, at least relatively, secure in their places? Davis, to be sure, had inherited a choice piece of land in the heart of Elmsford, but Gilbert had had nothing except a hale-fellow-well-met personality. As to his probable IQ, the less said, the better.
The dogs, who had been alone all day, rushed to greet Adam, but having no heart for them, he let them out without a word or touch. With the shades drawn against the heat the house was dim and dreary. Every move he made, when he pulled a drawer open to get a fork, when he closed the door of the freezer and set a plate down on the table, resounded through the emptiness. He ate quickly without appetite, washed the dish,and after that did not know what to do with himself. The long night loomed.
He thought then of the previous night. She had not telephoned him today. Perhaps she had meant it literally when she said, “No more talk.” But after all, had he not wanted her to mean it? Yes, certainly he had. And why? Because the weight of guilt on his shoulders was just too heavy, so heavy that it had been visible even to her. Had she not told him so?
But how weak he must look to her, like a man afraid to take the pleasure he wanted, a man tied down, regulated, and controlled as if he were a child! What he had done last night—had it harmed anyone? According to the articles that filled the newspapers, more than half the married men in the country took their secret joys on the side. Half of them also got divorced.
But that
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