I shifted restlessly, unsure of what he was trying to tell me. “I never got any flowers.”
He cleared his throat and swept my hair off my shoulders. “I sent them every day,” he whispered and kissed the base of my neck. “I sent them until March second when Sarah told me you had moved on. That you were lying in the arms of another man.”
“I’ll talk to her about everything,” I said and tried concentrating as Ethan nibbled up and down my neck. “I was in the hospital and never got any flowers, and I certainly didn’t move on.”
I scooted back from him and sat on the edge of the bed. Then I saw the small photo propped on his bedside table. It was a picture of me sleeping. He must have taken it during one of our sleepovers. I looked peaceful and serene. I hugged the frame to my chest. Ethan went to bed every night watching me sleep. He took the frame from my grasp and placed it back on the table.
“I know that now,” he said and sat down beside me. His eyes glittered as I smiled at him. I exhaled a giant rush of air as my heart rate raced in my chest. I was not the only one that had mourned us.
“I did get the necklace you sent me on my birthday. It’s beautiful. I love it.”
“Wear it, then. The locket was my granny’s. I had the heart made for you,” he said with quiet conviction.
“E, I don’t deserve that. It was your grandmother’s.”
Ethan fingered my hair and eyed me thoughtfully. “If you didn’t deserve it, I wouldn’t have sent it to you.”
“I only have five true memories of us. I remember you cooking for me and eating out on your patio. You were playful that night. Us watching the stars out in some field.” I looked way bashfully. “Me sucking your . . .” I started twisting the edge of my shirt through my fingers. He hugged me tight against his chest. “You loved me that night, too.”
“I’ve loved you longer than you could ever imagine.”
“That night we made love and cried.” I continued without thinking about what he said. My stomach tensed. The muscles in my shoulders began to knot. Ethan must had sensed it because he started kneading his fingers over my shoulders. “The one I don’t understand is what had to have been the first night I met you.” I felt Ethan’s rigid body grow tighter. “I was hurting as bad or worse than I ever did from the wreck. My eyes were swollen shut so I couldn’t see you, but I know it was you. You wouldn’t tell me your name. You said they called you sir. But I know it was you because only you have ever held me like that. Only you could make me feel like everything was going to be okay even when I’m hurting. I just can’t remember whatever hurt me like that other than the rape.”
Ethan looked at me and fear slithered down my spine. Not of him, but for him. I had never seen someone look so utterly broken. The dark clouds in his beautiful eyes petrified me. He stood up and backed up from me. He looked completely lifeless. He fell to his knees and yanked his hands through his hair. “Do you have any idea how crazy I am about you?”
“Yeah,” I answered. My fingers plucked at the hem of my shirt. Do you have any idea how crazy I am about you?
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen you hurt much less held you while you were hurting.” He steadied my shaking hands and held on to them. “I wish I was there to hold you after the wreck. Maybe that’s what your dream was about, you wanted me there to hold you too.”
“I could swear it was a real memory.”
“Babe, I’m a fucked up individual. You have no idea how fucked up. What you see on the outside is just a cover for the broken and fucked up mess on the inside. You deserve more, but I’ll be damn if I let you
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