felt so drawn to her. It wasn’t in his nature to deny himself anything he wanted.
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t able to hold myself back this time. You accused me of lying about wanting you and I thought you should know this time, for yourself, that it’s true.”
She pushed out of his arms and walked away from him, leaving him there in the middle of the dance floor, shocked and hard as hell.
He followed her, through the crowd of people and out onto the balcony. Her shoulders were shaking and guilt stabbed him, low in the gut.
He’d had a lot of bad feelings since returning home. Guilt and regret. He preferred it when his life boiled down to being drunk and horny, but right now he had felt sober, horny and guilty. Which was a combination he wouldn’t wish on anyone.
“What did I do? Did I offend you with my erection? Because you’re going to have to get used to it if you honestly want to marry me.”
She whirled around to face him. “Oh, please. Stop making this about you when it’s clearly about me.”
“I think we both think it’s all only about us.”
“Fine,” she said, tears on her cheeks, “but...this is...why do you want me? Why...I don’t understand this. Any of it.”
“Is that really what upset you?”
“It’s just a lot. A lot to take. Everything has changed in the past week. Everything I’m supposed to want.”
“Do you want me?”
“Xander...”
He walked over to where she was standing and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Do you want me?”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“But it’s part of marriage.”
“So is love. We barely have like.”
“I’m not big on love,” he said. “Personally, I would rather have want. So if that’s all we have, I’m okay with it.”
She shook her head. “I can’t deal with this just now. Not when everyone is in there and we’re on show. I’ve probably already ruined things by storming out.”
“It’s okay. I might have been a little bit inappropriate. But I’m out of practice when it comes to civilized behavior.”
“You make me...you do make me want things, Xander. Things that I thought I’d let go of. And it scares me. Because in my experience, wanting things is just a long road paved with pain.”
“That’s emotion you’re thinking of. Sex can be a lot more simple. And a lot more fun.”
She laughed, a shaky, watery sound. “Well, I wouldn’t know.”
His gut tightened, blood rushing to his arousal. “I could show you.”
“I don’t understand this. I don’t remember being this tempted by you back when I thought you were a decent human being, so how can I be so drawn to you now?”
“Lust doesn’t have to make sense, Layna.”
“I guess not,” she said, looking at him with a weary expression. “Perhaps that’s why the church has such a firm stance on it. It could potentially get someone into a lot of trouble. Particularly since our bodies seem to be indiscriminate.”
“Is your body being indiscriminate for me?” he asked. So strange how badly he just wanted her to say it. How much he wanted to her to admit, from her prim little mouth, that she wanted him. That she was picturing sweaty, tangled limbs and screams of pleasure.
Yes, screams. He wanted it loud. And he wanted it dirty. He wanted it with a ferocity that shook him to his core.
With a woman who’s most likely a virgin. You truly are a rare breed of ass.
Maybe. Did it matter? He was so past the point of redemption anyway. And she was going to be his wife, surely that made it at least partly okay.
And if not, why should he start caring now?
It was too late for him anyway.
“We should go back inside,” she said.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“And I’m not going to. Here I’ve stormed out of the ballroom and I’m supposed to be making you look stable. So I think it’s time to go back and show solidarity, don’t you?”
He nodded slowly. She really was good at this. He’d all but forgotten the
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t able to hold myself back this time. You accused me of lying about wanting you and I thought you should know this time, for yourself, that it’s true.”
She pushed out of his arms and walked away from him, leaving him there in the middle of the dance floor, shocked and hard as hell.
He followed her, through the crowd of people and out onto the balcony. Her shoulders were shaking and guilt stabbed him, low in the gut.
He’d had a lot of bad feelings since returning home. Guilt and regret. He preferred it when his life boiled down to being drunk and horny, but right now he had felt sober, horny and guilty. Which was a combination he wouldn’t wish on anyone.
“What did I do? Did I offend you with my erection? Because you’re going to have to get used to it if you honestly want to marry me.”
She whirled around to face him. “Oh, please. Stop making this about you when it’s clearly about me.”
“I think we both think it’s all only about us.”
“Fine,” she said, tears on her cheeks, “but...this is...why do you want me? Why...I don’t understand this. Any of it.”
“Is that really what upset you?”
“It’s just a lot. A lot to take. Everything has changed in the past week. Everything I’m supposed to want.”
“Do you want me?”
“Xander...”
He walked over to where she was standing and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Do you want me?”
“That’s not what this is about.”
“But it’s part of marriage.”
“So is love. We barely have like.”
“I’m not big on love,” he said. “Personally, I would rather have want. So if that’s all we have, I’m okay with it.”
She shook her head. “I can’t deal with this just now. Not when everyone is in there and we’re on show. I’ve probably already ruined things by storming out.”
“It’s okay. I might have been a little bit inappropriate. But I’m out of practice when it comes to civilized behavior.”
“You make me...you do make me want things, Xander. Things that I thought I’d let go of. And it scares me. Because in my experience, wanting things is just a long road paved with pain.”
“That’s emotion you’re thinking of. Sex can be a lot more simple. And a lot more fun.”
She laughed, a shaky, watery sound. “Well, I wouldn’t know.”
His gut tightened, blood rushing to his arousal. “I could show you.”
“I don’t understand this. I don’t remember being this tempted by you back when I thought you were a decent human being, so how can I be so drawn to you now?”
“Lust doesn’t have to make sense, Layna.”
“I guess not,” she said, looking at him with a weary expression. “Perhaps that’s why the church has such a firm stance on it. It could potentially get someone into a lot of trouble. Particularly since our bodies seem to be indiscriminate.”
“Is your body being indiscriminate for me?” he asked. So strange how badly he just wanted her to say it. How much he wanted to her to admit, from her prim little mouth, that she wanted him. That she was picturing sweaty, tangled limbs and screams of pleasure.
Yes, screams. He wanted it loud. And he wanted it dirty. He wanted it with a ferocity that shook him to his core.
With a woman who’s most likely a virgin. You truly are a rare breed of ass.
Maybe. Did it matter? He was so past the point of redemption anyway. And she was going to be his wife, surely that made it at least partly okay.
And if not, why should he start caring now?
It was too late for him anyway.
“We should go back inside,” she said.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“And I’m not going to. Here I’ve stormed out of the ballroom and I’m supposed to be making you look stable. So I think it’s time to go back and show solidarity, don’t you?”
He nodded slowly. She really was good at this. He’d all but forgotten the
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