Plum Pie by P. G. Wodehouse

bee line for Father's spaniel and try to assassinate it, the one thing calculated to get himself socially ostracized. Father thinks the world of that spaniel. 'Who let this canine paranoiac into the house?' he thundered, foaming at the mouth. I said I had. 'Where did you get the foul creature?' he demanded. 'Freddie gave him to me,' I said. 'Then you can damn well take him back to this Freddie, who ever he is' he---"
    "Vociferated?"
    "Yes, vociferated. 'And let me add,' he said, 'that I am about to get my gun and count ten, and if the animal's still around when I reach that figure, I shall blow his head off at the roots and the Lord have mercy on his soul.' Well, I'm pretty quick and I saw right away that what he was hinting at was that he preferred not to associate with the dog, so I've brought him back. I think he went off to the Servants Hall to have a bite of supper. I shall miss him, of course. Still, easy come, easy go."
    And so saying Valerie Fanshawe, reverting to the subject of Gally's ankle, expressed a hope that he would not have to have it amputated, and withdrew.
    If at this moment somebody had started to amputate Gally's ankle, it is hardly probable that he would have noticed it, so centred were his thoughts on this astounding piece of good luck which had befallen a nephew of whom he had always been fond. If, as he supposed, it was the latter's guardian angel who had engineered the happy ending like a conjuror pulling a rabbit out of a hat, he would have liked to slap him on the back and tell him how greatly his efforts were appreciated. Joy cometh in the morning, he told himself, putting the clock forward a little, and by way of celebrating the occasion he rang for Beach and asked him to bring, him a whisky and soda.
    It was some considerable time before the order was filled, and Beach was full of apologies for his tardiness.
    "I must express my regret for being so long, Mr. Galahad. I was detained on the telephone by Colonel Fanshawe."
    "The Fanshawe family seem very much with us tonight. Is there a Mrs. Fanshawe?"
    "I understand so, Mr. Galahad."
    "No doubt she will be dropping in shortly. What did the Colonel want?"
    "He was asking for his lordship, but I have been unable to locate him."
    "He's gone for a stroll."
    "Indeed? I was not aware. Colonel Fanshawe wished him to come to Marling Hall tomorrow morning in his capacity of Justice of the Peace. It appears that the butler at Marling Hall apprehended a prowler who was lurking in the vicinity of the back door and has locked him in the cellar. Colonel Fanshawe is hoping that his lordship will give him a sharp sentence."
    For the second time that night Gally's monocle had fallen from the parent eye socket. He had not, as we have seen, been sanguine with regard to the possibility of his brother getting through the evening without mishap, but he had not foreseen anything like this. This was outstanding, even for Clarence.
    "Beach," he said, "this opens up a new line of thought. You speak of a prowler."
    "Yes, sir."
    "Who was lurking at the Fanshawe back door and is now in the Fanshawe cellar."
    "Yes, sir."
    "Well, here's something for your files. The prowler you have in mind was none other than Clarence, ninth Earl of Emsworth."
    "Sir!"
    "I assure you. I sent him to Marling Hall on a secret mission, the nature of which I am not empowered to disclose, and how he managed to get copped we shall never know. Suffice it that he did and is now in the cellar. Wine cellar or coal?"
    "Coal, I was given to understand, sir."
    "Our task, then, is to get him out of it. Don't speak. I must think, I must think."
    When an ordinary man is trying to formulate a scheme for extricating his brother from a coal cellar, the procedure is apt to be a lengthy one involving the furrowed brow, the scratched head and the snapped finger, but in the case of a man like Gaily this is not so. Only a minimum of time had elapsed before he was able to announce that he had got