Picks & Pucks by Teegan Loy Page B

tell her I wasn’t satisfied with either of the programs. I’d worked hard on them over the summer, but something was missing. Nothing was special about either program, and I didn’t have answers on how to change them to make them better. With a little more time and some tweaking, I would probably learn to love them. At least that’s what I told myself every time the music started.
    “Let’s see what you’ve got this afternoon,” she said. She gave me fifteen minutes to warm up. The jumps felt solid, better than they had since the debacle with Danny. I sighed in relief when I hit the triple axel, because if I landed my jumps, Marina wouldn’t ask a million questions about the state of my psyche. I had no desire to discuss my love life with my coach.
    When I hit a quad toe, triple toe combination, Janae punched the air and almost fell down.
    “God damn, Justin, where the hell did all that come from?”
    “I have no idea, but it felt good.”
    “Good? It looked fucking great!” she squealed. “Let’s do a few run-throughs, but replace the quads with triples. Remind me to give Eli a kiss or a boy, whatever he wants. Talking to him seemed to draw you out of your funk.”
    “You better be careful,” I said. “He might want both.”
    I laughed and skated to the center of the ice, posed, and waited for the music to start. Those fucking quads drove me crazy. Some days, like today, they felt easy to crank out. But most days, no matter how hard I tried, they weren’t there. I didn’t think humans were created to elevate, spin four times in the air, and land on the ice on one thin blade of steel.
    We hadn’t decided if we needed the quad triple combination in the short to win the national title. My component scores were usually pretty high, but if I took the trip to the Olympics, we would definitely need the combination in the short and at least two quads in the long program. My head hurt thinking about all this shit.
    The music ended at the same time I completed the spin. The program was lovely and very mechanical. The best word I could find to describe it would be boring.
    “What’s wrong?” Janae asked. She handed me a bottle of water.
    “Nothing. I keep thinking about the quad toe combination.”
    “You know Marina won’t decide until closer to nationals. If you were skating today, I’d definitely tell you to include the quads. We still have time to make you comfortable with the damn things.” She gave me an encouraging smile.
    I nodded, and practice continued with more run-throughs and several more discussions about the quad. We changed a few connective steps leading into one of the jumps in the long program to increase the point value. Janae was thrilled, but I was still unsettled.
    “Marina is going to love it,” she said, jotting down some notes on her phone. “I’ve got to cut out a little early. Are you coming home for dinner? Since Danny moved out and practice officially started, Dad is going to stop over.”
    “Uh, yeah, I guess,” I said.
    “So, is Eli really working with some of your skaters?”
    “Yes, he’s great with the music. He comes to practice and watches the skater. The next practice, he’s back with music in hand, and it’s usually a big hit with the skater and me.”
    “I wonder what music he would pick for me?”
    “Maybe you should ask him.” She smiled brightly and took her skates off. The minute she left, I changed the music and did some free skating. It was relaxing to let the music dictate my movements and jumps. I spent some time working on my stroking and deep edges. The time got away from me, and when I finally stepped off the ice, I realized it was going to be impossible to eat a leisurely dinner and get the rest I needed before I was scheduled to return to the ice.
    I made an executive decision and decided to run home instead of doing five miles on the treadmill. My body protested when I stepped outside and the wind slapped me in the face. The calendar said it