Perfection Is Just an Illusion (Swimming Upstream #1) by Rebecca Barber Page A

seemed to stretch on forever, James responded. “Anna, what makes you think that? What did I do to make you think you weren’t enough? That I deserve better? I don’t want anything else, Anna. You’re everything to me. You are so…everything. I love you more than you know.” James smiled, sitting up and taking hold of her hands. Anna knew he was trying to prove to her they would be okay and he wasn’t lying. She knew James truly believed in his heart she really was all he could ever want.
    “Love isn’t always enough,” Anna retorted.
    “Yeah, actually it is. You go without it long enough and you realise it’s everything. Nothing else matters,” James tried to explain.
    “You don’t know my past, who I used to be. And I guess because of that, you don’t really know who I am. I’m not blaming you; that’s my fault. It’s all on me. I hid that side of myself from you…”
    “Why?” James cut her off, a pained expression on his face.
    “Because I’m embarrassed. But when we were in Canberra I had to face it. I had to confront my past. Head on. And you didn’t even bat an eyelid. You didn’t notice and you didn’t…”
    “I did notice, Anna. Of course I did. As soon as you answered that call from your friends you changed. You froze. You shut down. I saw it. Don’t pretend I didn’t,” James hit back hard and fast.
    “You couldn’t know. And I’m not blaming you. It was entirely my fault. I couldn’t tell you because I thought you wouldn’t love me if you knew. I was selfish and I know I shouldn’t be but I love you so much and I wasn’t strong enough to watch you walk away. So, instead of waiting for you to leave me, I took the easy way out. I beat you to it. I thought I would save us both a lot of time and heartache and leave first. I love you more than even I realised, but I didn’t want to be responsible for holding you back.” Throughout her confession Anna hadn’t raised her head and looked at him. Not once. Instead she was picking at her fingers absentmindedly. But when she did, her heart broke at the picture before her. She’d hurt him. And that had been the last thing in the world she’d wanted to do. Reading his face, Anna could see the hurt and confusion written there.
    “So, Anna. How do we fix this?” James asked, sucking in a nervous breath.
    “I don’t know James, I really don’t.” Anna shrugged.
    “How ’bout you tell me whatever it is you need to tell me, then we deal with it. Together. No matter what, you have to know that won’t change the way I feel about you. I’ll love you no matter what. I’ll be right here beside you. Your past has made you who you are and I am so thankful for that. No matter what happened we can deal with it. I love you and nothing could ever or would ever change that. Please, Anna, talk to me,” James pleaded desperately.
    “If you’re sure you want to know, I’ll tell you. Then if you want me to go, I will. No questions asked. When I was younger, about sixteen or so…” Anna began. She could not bring herself to look him in the eye. “I was Grant’s girlfriend. I thought he was the most wonderful, gorgeous guy I had ever met. I thought he was everything that I ever wanted in a guy.” James sucked in a short, sharp breath. Anna saw the pain in James’s face, but she pushed it aside and kept going. “He had the most deep, inviting brown eyes and strong shoulders. And I thought he was special. I mean, he was this amazing guy and everyone wanted him. Guys wanted to be him and girls wanted to date him. For some odd reason, he chose me.” Anna took a deep breath.
    “Grant was my first love and I truly believed he could give me the world. I was young and naïve. We had one of those stupid, pathetic relationships. I would hurt him and we would break up, then after a week or two we would get back together and be more in love than ever. Then it was his turn to break my heart. This went on for so long, everyone lost track of when