Perfect Timing by Jill Mansell

rubbish.’
    A very tall, bearded man with hooded grey eyes gave her an angry stare.
    â€˜That’s the artist,’ murmured Poppy.
    â€˜Shit.’
    â€˜Only joking.’
    Poppy grinned. Claudia suppressed the urge to throttle her. Instead, in casual tones she said, ‘Jake’s quite nice, isn’t he?’
    â€˜Who, you mean Jake my boss? Trainspotter Jake?’
    Claudia looked flustered. ‘It was only the windbreaker. Well, and the trousers. What I mean is, he’s better than you expect… once you actually get to know him.’
    Poppy looked amused.
    â€˜I’m sure he’ll be flattered to hear it.’
    â€˜I can’t remember,’ Claudia blurted out in desperation, ‘if you said he was married or living with someone.’
    â€˜Now this,’ said Poppy, ‘is what I call interesting. Don’t tell me you’re keen on Jake.’
    Why did she have to look so… so gleeful ? Affronted, Claudia lifted her chin.
    â€˜I’m only asking. Why shouldn’t I? He’s obviously keen on me.’
    Poppy grinned. ‘No he isn’t.’
    â€˜Yes he is.’
    â€˜Claudia, I promise you. He isn’t.’
    â€˜You don’t know that.’ God, Poppy could be a cow sometimes. ‘What are you, some kind of world authority on The Kind of Girls Men Go For?’
    â€˜Calm down, calm down.’ Poppy made soothing gestures with her hands. ‘You’ve got hold of the wrong end of the stick.’
    If I could get hold of the right end, Claudia thought vengefully, I’d hit you with it.
    â€˜Look,’ Poppy continued, ‘what I meant was, Jake doesn’t go for any kind of girl. He’s gay.’
    Claudia was stunned. ‘Gay? Are you sure?’
    â€˜Sure I’m sure. He keeps pretty quiet about it, but he definitely is,’ Poppy explained in businesslike fashion. ‘That’s why there’s no point trying to chat him up. So you see, I wasn’t being bitchy when I said he wouldn’t be interested in you, I was just being honest.’ Unaware that Jake was back from the bar and standing right behind her, she went on: ‘I know it’s sad but what can you do? Jake’s as bent as a nine bob note. Actually I think he may be a transvestite too—’
    â€˜RIGHT,’ Jake hissed into her ear, ‘that is ENOUGH. What in heaven’s name do you think you are PLAYING AT?’
    Poppy jumped a mile. The voice was so filled with fury she barely recognized it. When she turned and saw the look in Jake’s eyes she felt herself go white. She had never seen him so mad before. She wouldn’t have believed him capable of such blood-curdling fury.
    â€˜Oh Jake, I’m sorry… I know it isn’t something you make a song and dance about’—help, more visions of Shirley Bassey—‘but I just thought it would be easier to explain to Claudia why she shouldn’t… um, why you… er, wouldn’t…’
    Jake looked ready to explode. Poppy gave up trying to explain. Cringing, she edged a few inches backwards. What a good job they were surrounded by people so Jake couldn’t bellow at her.
    â€˜I-do-not-believe-this.’ He wasn’t bellowing. The words were spat out through gritted teeth, which was bad enough. ‘Let’s get one thing settled right now. I am not gay. I never have been gay and I never will be gay.’ His dark eyes, like twin coals, bored through his spectacles and directly into Poppy’s brain. ‘And I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t wear women’s clothes either.’
    â€˜Oh,’ said Poppy in a small voice. ‘Jake, I’m sorry. My mistake.’
    â€˜You see, this is exactly what she’s like,’ Claudia told Jake with an air of triumph. ‘She says things without thinking, just comes out with these ridiculous statements—’
    â€˜I didn’t say it