penance. a love story (The Böhme Series) by Sarah Buhl

away from me, this guy checked her out and looked at me as if he and I shared a bond and she was our prey ,” I said as I clenched my hands into fists recalling the moment. “I wanted to punch him. There was something in that predatory expression he held that made me want to bash in his fucking skull.” I stretched my neck as I tried to withdrawal from my anger.
    “Well, okay, those are emotions we haven’t seen in a while. Where do you think they came from, Wynn?”
    “Because he saw her as an object and not as a human fucking being and because I hated myself in that moment for my inadequacy.”
    “Okay, let’s back up a minute. Now, I’m not one to waste words with you, but this girl, why her? You said she was magnificent. I’ve never heard you use that word to describe anyone or anything for that matter. Did you talk to her?”
    I sighed as I leaned my head back and looked at the ceiling. “Nope, I tried to open the door for her and she went through the other one instead.” I smiled as I recalled the memory. “I wanted to talk to her. But I wanted to go our separate ways, too.”
    He furrowed his brow, waiting for me to continue.
    “We watched each other for a few minutes before that. She was sitting on a bench when I arrived at the school and she watched me,” I said, withholding the part where I took her photo. He didn’t need to know every detail.
    “So you didn’t talk, but you say she was magnificent. How is she different from other girls you went out with before or the girls you describe using your favorite term of cliché?”
    “I analyzed it last night after I got home from Henley’s. I saw her there, too and at Petra’s earlier. It was seeing her at Petra's that caused my thoughts to run. She was so absorbed in the place and I couldn't take my eyes off her.” I didn’t mention the alley part. It might be wise to share that and the photo I took with my psychologist, but I wondered if he could understand them. I decided to keep it to myself for now as if they were inside jokes only for me.
    “Why didn’t you talk to her?” he asked without judgment.
    I gave him an annoyed glare. “You know why.”
    “Yep, you are scared of not being enough. But you are. You need to drop that bullshit. I’m your doctor, so I have to listen to you, but that's getting old,” he said with a frown and opened the conversation to our usual discussion. I told him of my moments where she entered my thoughts and how I dealt with them. He was conditioning me to be able to speak of my mother without it consuming me.
     
    After I left, I decided to stop by Petra’s store to drop off books. I walked into the store and found the girl putting books on shelves and working behind the counter. She must be Petra’s new hire, holy hell. I kept the books in my bag and looked through the rows nearest to her, and reading the title of one of the books, I realized I was in the romance section. Fuck. I was thankful she was busy at her task and didn’t notice me. I couldn’t decide which would be worse, being caught stalking or being caught reading the title, His Sex Kitten, Cammy.
    When she finished her re-shelving she started back to the counter, and I went upstairs to the balcony to watch her unseen. I watched as her hair fell in a natural way, draping around her shoulders. She wore a simple tank top again and jeans that looked like they fit her at one time, but now hung loosely on her. I noticed she had a tattoo of a single word on her wrist.
    She picked up a book to read with a man’s face on the front and I cou ld make out part of the title, johnny . The image looked eerie and out of the ordinary, so I searched for it on my phone. The book a person chooses to read says more than any first impression. I was stalking her. After several minutes of searching, I found the book and it was an indie novel. A fantasy, titled johnny, The Mark of Chaos . 
    The bell to the entrance rang and brought my attention from the book. I