of the school
lot to home.
Thank God Michael had to drop me off and go; I couldn’t stand to
answer any questions right now especially since I didn’t have all the answers
myself.
Right now anger is my friend I’ll hold onto that bad boy for as
long as I could because to do anything else might break me.
I kept myself busy, but in the back of my mind, somewhere in my
subconscious, I knew I was on autopilot.
My
movements were somewhat mechanical as I geared myself up for the next step.
Homework done, shower over
with, I made Michael dinner but nibbled on a carrot stick which I fought to
keep down.
By seven o’clock I was curled up in bed under the covers.
I have no interest in my Facebook page or calling any of the
friends I’d left behind in Arizona.
I have
no friends here to speak of except for the Steeles and I learned today that
they weren’t my friends after all.
Vanessa hadn’t even looked at
me, Matthew had given me a few furtive glances here and there as I sat at that
table alone and chewed my way through an apple, fighting nausea every step of
the way.
Joshua, well....... he took the cake.
It’s as though I never existed, he passed me in the hall on the
way to one of his classes which I’d gathered he’d somehow changed to get away
from me.
I looked; I couldn’t help looking at him that one time to see if
there was anything there anyway to reach him.
He’d been stone cold; I could only wish to be that merciless.
I finally fell asleep after anger had kicked the shit out of
melancholy and won.
Fuck him then, the whole fucking school could fuck off.
The next day I drove my piece
of shit truck since Michael had had his guy look at it and they’d decided
other than the fact that it was an eyesore it was drivable.
I got a sick sense of satisfaction out of knowing that Joshua
hated the truck, he was going to hate my outfit even more.
Not that I was dressing with him in mind but my gear is my armor
and the princess bitch was back in full force.
My thigh high, low heeled Hermes boots over skinny jeans, an off
the shoulder Cashmere sweater in my signature winter white with large diamond
hoops and matching bracelets, hair flowing down my back and blown pin straight,
lips glossed to a high sheen. This bitch was fierce. Fuck if I needed someone
else to tell me that shit.
I
have a mirror, I have eyes I can see that shit.
Mother fuckers knew to stay
out of my way when I walked down the halls with my Chanel shades and attitude
popping off of me like neon signs.
Bitches better not say anything loud enough for me to hear, the
little mouse Steele tried to turn me into was nowhere to be found.
I was me again, the fact that I had to fight to hold onto that
attitude didn’t faze me, I pushed that shit back hard.
I was back to saying fuck you to everyone and everything.
Three
and a half hours later when I walked into the cafeteria I found out I’d gone
through all that for nothing. He wasn’t here.
In fact he missed the next
two days as well and each day was a stab to the heart.
I almost preferred to have him here giving me the cold shoulder
than not seeing him at all.
I missed the fuck out of him, his laugh, that cocky smirk smile of
his, his wild as fuck hair, even his annoying bossiness.
I wanted so badly to know where he was, what he was doing, was he
back with that Josie bitch?
That thought made my stomach feel like I’d swallowed battery acid
it also made me livid.
This was so unfair, he’d fucked up so why should I pay, why should
I bend to his will?
What
had I done that was so bad? I had no answers and no one to turn to to get them.
I felt like getting the fuck
out, like just packing my shit up and heading out.
I had a nice little nest egg from all the times I’d made Paula pad
my account when she wanted something. Shit she could afford it, or at least Don
could.
I could just disappear somewhere, leave all this craziness behind,
forget I’d ever met the golden boy of the
lot to home.
Thank God Michael had to drop me off and go; I couldn’t stand to
answer any questions right now especially since I didn’t have all the answers
myself.
Right now anger is my friend I’ll hold onto that bad boy for as
long as I could because to do anything else might break me.
I kept myself busy, but in the back of my mind, somewhere in my
subconscious, I knew I was on autopilot.
My
movements were somewhat mechanical as I geared myself up for the next step.
Homework done, shower over
with, I made Michael dinner but nibbled on a carrot stick which I fought to
keep down.
By seven o’clock I was curled up in bed under the covers.
I have no interest in my Facebook page or calling any of the
friends I’d left behind in Arizona.
I have
no friends here to speak of except for the Steeles and I learned today that
they weren’t my friends after all.
Vanessa hadn’t even looked at
me, Matthew had given me a few furtive glances here and there as I sat at that
table alone and chewed my way through an apple, fighting nausea every step of
the way.
Joshua, well....... he took the cake.
It’s as though I never existed, he passed me in the hall on the
way to one of his classes which I’d gathered he’d somehow changed to get away
from me.
I looked; I couldn’t help looking at him that one time to see if
there was anything there anyway to reach him.
He’d been stone cold; I could only wish to be that merciless.
I finally fell asleep after anger had kicked the shit out of
melancholy and won.
Fuck him then, the whole fucking school could fuck off.
The next day I drove my piece
of shit truck since Michael had had his guy look at it and they’d decided
other than the fact that it was an eyesore it was drivable.
I got a sick sense of satisfaction out of knowing that Joshua
hated the truck, he was going to hate my outfit even more.
Not that I was dressing with him in mind but my gear is my armor
and the princess bitch was back in full force.
My thigh high, low heeled Hermes boots over skinny jeans, an off
the shoulder Cashmere sweater in my signature winter white with large diamond
hoops and matching bracelets, hair flowing down my back and blown pin straight,
lips glossed to a high sheen. This bitch was fierce. Fuck if I needed someone
else to tell me that shit.
I
have a mirror, I have eyes I can see that shit.
Mother fuckers knew to stay
out of my way when I walked down the halls with my Chanel shades and attitude
popping off of me like neon signs.
Bitches better not say anything loud enough for me to hear, the
little mouse Steele tried to turn me into was nowhere to be found.
I was me again, the fact that I had to fight to hold onto that
attitude didn’t faze me, I pushed that shit back hard.
I was back to saying fuck you to everyone and everything.
Three
and a half hours later when I walked into the cafeteria I found out I’d gone
through all that for nothing. He wasn’t here.
In fact he missed the next
two days as well and each day was a stab to the heart.
I almost preferred to have him here giving me the cold shoulder
than not seeing him at all.
I missed the fuck out of him, his laugh, that cocky smirk smile of
his, his wild as fuck hair, even his annoying bossiness.
I wanted so badly to know where he was, what he was doing, was he
back with that Josie bitch?
That thought made my stomach feel like I’d swallowed battery acid
it also made me livid.
This was so unfair, he’d fucked up so why should I pay, why should
I bend to his will?
What
had I done that was so bad? I had no answers and no one to turn to to get them.
I felt like getting the fuck
out, like just packing my shit up and heading out.
I had a nice little nest egg from all the times I’d made Paula pad
my account when she wanted something. Shit she could afford it, or at least Don
could.
I could just disappear somewhere, leave all this craziness behind,
forget I’d ever met the golden boy of the
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