of her jaw. His thumb lay in the indentation between her chin and lower lip before stroking along its softly curving fullness. âYou donât need an excuse, Zoe. Whatever the time, wherever I am, if the urge takes you, just come.â
With that he sauntered out, leaving Zoe choking on anger, humiliation, shame, and frustration.
CHAPTER FIVE
How could she have stayed out with Matt, let him kiss and caress her the way he had? She felt ashamed that she had succumbed to something that was purely physical, nothing more than lust. Something that couldnât last. She had been hurt once; now she was leaving herself wide open to be hurt all over again. She believed Matt when he said heâd tried to look her up but had failed because sheâd changed her job and moved to a new address. But the excuse lost all its value when she recalled that sheâd been at her old job and former home for three years after heâd walked out before sheâd decided to make a change. For heavenâs sake, heâd had three years to come back to her! That was how interested heâd been.
His interest had only really perked up when he discovered that she was going to marry Tony; then heâd jumped in quickly to stake his claim and try to break them up. It was terrible to think that he only wanted her because someone else did, but she couldnât come up with anything better.
In letting Matt get close to her again, it wasnât only a second dose of hurt she was inviting; there was something else. Could she honestly contemplate letting a decent man like Tony go, a solid man who would give her a good and durable marriage, in favor of some short-term sparkle? It was true that Tony was still Mattâs paler reflection, lacking his strength of character, but he was young yet, only a year older than she was herself. In another ten years, who knew but that he wouldnât match up to Matt in every way.
Her thoughts ran back to the accusation that Matt had flung at her, about playing with fire when she got involved with Tony, saying that she had only been drawn to Tony because she had hoped Tony would lead her back to him. She had denied that emphatically, but had she been right to do so?
She might have been attracted to Tony because he looked a lot like Matt, but that was another matter entirely and totally acceptable. People did tend to go for the same kind of looks and coloring in their search for a partner. Women were said to have a preference for men who resembled their fathers. Her father had been dark-haired, like Matt and Tony. And fair-haired men had never appealed to her much.
She found herself harping again on Mattâs debasing allegation that she had only encouraged Tony because sheâd thought the relationship would bring her in contact with Matt again. She couldnât shrug it off; she wasnât going to have any peace of mind until sheâd worried it through to the end. It was as distasteful to her as thinking that Matt only wanted her now because Tony did, yet she couldnât say there was no truth in it, even if only at a subconscious level. It cast her in a most unfavorable light; she wouldnât have thought herself capable of such underhanded dealing. But that apart, was it something to bother about? Even if Matt
had
been on her mind when she had first encountered Tony, she had come to like and love Tony for himself, and surely that was all that mattered.
Love was gentle and caring. Infatuation could outshine it every time. She had to be strong about this. She couldnât let the feelings she experienced with Matt dazzle her out of her senses, blind her to something precious and lasting. Nature could be very cruel. In the same way that the brightest and most attractive berries were often poisonous, it wasnât fair that something so beautiful, that gave her life a special sparkle, should be a sham.
* * *
The next morning Zoe woke up to another beautiful day. She pulled on
With that he sauntered out, leaving Zoe choking on anger, humiliation, shame, and frustration.
CHAPTER FIVE
How could she have stayed out with Matt, let him kiss and caress her the way he had? She felt ashamed that she had succumbed to something that was purely physical, nothing more than lust. Something that couldnât last. She had been hurt once; now she was leaving herself wide open to be hurt all over again. She believed Matt when he said heâd tried to look her up but had failed because sheâd changed her job and moved to a new address. But the excuse lost all its value when she recalled that sheâd been at her old job and former home for three years after heâd walked out before sheâd decided to make a change. For heavenâs sake, heâd had three years to come back to her! That was how interested heâd been.
His interest had only really perked up when he discovered that she was going to marry Tony; then heâd jumped in quickly to stake his claim and try to break them up. It was terrible to think that he only wanted her because someone else did, but she couldnât come up with anything better.
In letting Matt get close to her again, it wasnât only a second dose of hurt she was inviting; there was something else. Could she honestly contemplate letting a decent man like Tony go, a solid man who would give her a good and durable marriage, in favor of some short-term sparkle? It was true that Tony was still Mattâs paler reflection, lacking his strength of character, but he was young yet, only a year older than she was herself. In another ten years, who knew but that he wouldnât match up to Matt in every way.
Her thoughts ran back to the accusation that Matt had flung at her, about playing with fire when she got involved with Tony, saying that she had only been drawn to Tony because she had hoped Tony would lead her back to him. She had denied that emphatically, but had she been right to do so?
She might have been attracted to Tony because he looked a lot like Matt, but that was another matter entirely and totally acceptable. People did tend to go for the same kind of looks and coloring in their search for a partner. Women were said to have a preference for men who resembled their fathers. Her father had been dark-haired, like Matt and Tony. And fair-haired men had never appealed to her much.
She found herself harping again on Mattâs debasing allegation that she had only encouraged Tony because sheâd thought the relationship would bring her in contact with Matt again. She couldnât shrug it off; she wasnât going to have any peace of mind until sheâd worried it through to the end. It was as distasteful to her as thinking that Matt only wanted her now because Tony did, yet she couldnât say there was no truth in it, even if only at a subconscious level. It cast her in a most unfavorable light; she wouldnât have thought herself capable of such underhanded dealing. But that apart, was it something to bother about? Even if Matt
had
been on her mind when she had first encountered Tony, she had come to like and love Tony for himself, and surely that was all that mattered.
Love was gentle and caring. Infatuation could outshine it every time. She had to be strong about this. She couldnât let the feelings she experienced with Matt dazzle her out of her senses, blind her to something precious and lasting. Nature could be very cruel. In the same way that the brightest and most attractive berries were often poisonous, it wasnât fair that something so beautiful, that gave her life a special sparkle, should be a sham.
* * *
The next morning Zoe woke up to another beautiful day. She pulled on
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