wanted to I could pester Mam to beat the band but it was clear I wasn’t going to get any more talking out of her. When Mam said Leave It Be that was what you did and you’d best not waste any more of her time.
I needed to sort out what might have happened to her so I walked back downstairs to get my glove and an old tennis ball and went out to the back driveway to throw against the garage doors which was always my best spot for hard throwing and thinking. My father had to have the doors painted every other year because of me wearing the paint off them. I picked out a low plank for my target.
Mam may have called what had happened to her busted-up face an Accident but there was more to it. Somebody had hit Mam with their fists. A bunch of times. Hard. Any kid knows you don’t get a busted nose and two puffy eyes from falling down.
Mam wasn’t one to fall down anyway. When she stayed overnight in my room when my parents were on a trip I would hear her get up and walk around without a light on like she could see in the dark. Mam didn’t tell lies but she had her way of keeping a secret. A secret was a secret to Mam. It was locked up tight.
Mam was all the time helping me with everything and I wasn’t worth a plug nickel coming up with ideas to help her just like I couldn’t figure out what to do for Mrs. Worthington. I was getting tired of my usual way of worrying and needed to come up with a plan to fix things.
The more I thought the harder I threw.
I would be glad to be a grown-up for two reasons. The first reason was that I was hoping to get over my stutter. I knew that some grown-ups stuttered but I also knew that some lucky kids grew out of it. At least that was what the doctor who gave me all my shotskept telling my mother. The second reason was that I would be smarter and could figure out what to do with the feelings down inside me. I wanted to help Mam more than anything and I wanted to help Mrs. Worthington but I didn’t have any answers. That was a bad feeling. Almost as bad as stuttering.
A good smell came from the kitchen and my nose and stomach started reminding me how long it had been since I had tasted Mam’s cooking.
I had gone upstairs to take a bath without Mam telling me and came back down wearing a clean pair of shorts and nice shirt for collecting. My parents were eating out with friends like they usually did on Friday nights. Mam had a big plate of fried chicken on the table along with black-eyed peas and Smashed Potatoes. They were just regular mashed potatoes but I liked to get that good
S
in there for starters since it meant about the same thing.
Mam sat down to eat with me. She was mostly just dabbing at her food. It was best for me not to look at her. It hurt to see her banged-up face. All I could think about was taking a nice shiny new baseball that still had all the red and blue writing on it and throwing it as hard as I could right between the eyes of the person who beat up Mam.
I wished that I was going to be throwing papers instead of collecting because I felt like heaving something for sure. I had one more week to go before Rat got home and I was planning on some super-hard newspaper throws.
I asked Mam to let me help her with the dishes but she said to go on and start my collecting so I could get home early. She notched up her voice to make sure I heard her.
You needs to pay this full mind. You be home ’fore dark or you’ll have me come looking for you.
I could tell she wasn’t fooling.
I went upstairs to get some change from my desk drawer. I looked in my billfold at the three words written on three different corners of a dollar bill.
Student
Servant
Seller
I knew I would get a fourth word next week. I didn’t have any clue what word it would be but I had a notion it would start with an
S
. I wondered if Mr. Spiro knew that
S
was my favorite sound and letter in all the world. If I had been Napoleon I would have changed that stone with the writing on it so more
I needed to sort out what might have happened to her so I walked back downstairs to get my glove and an old tennis ball and went out to the back driveway to throw against the garage doors which was always my best spot for hard throwing and thinking. My father had to have the doors painted every other year because of me wearing the paint off them. I picked out a low plank for my target.
Mam may have called what had happened to her busted-up face an Accident but there was more to it. Somebody had hit Mam with their fists. A bunch of times. Hard. Any kid knows you don’t get a busted nose and two puffy eyes from falling down.
Mam wasn’t one to fall down anyway. When she stayed overnight in my room when my parents were on a trip I would hear her get up and walk around without a light on like she could see in the dark. Mam didn’t tell lies but she had her way of keeping a secret. A secret was a secret to Mam. It was locked up tight.
Mam was all the time helping me with everything and I wasn’t worth a plug nickel coming up with ideas to help her just like I couldn’t figure out what to do for Mrs. Worthington. I was getting tired of my usual way of worrying and needed to come up with a plan to fix things.
The more I thought the harder I threw.
I would be glad to be a grown-up for two reasons. The first reason was that I was hoping to get over my stutter. I knew that some grown-ups stuttered but I also knew that some lucky kids grew out of it. At least that was what the doctor who gave me all my shotskept telling my mother. The second reason was that I would be smarter and could figure out what to do with the feelings down inside me. I wanted to help Mam more than anything and I wanted to help Mrs. Worthington but I didn’t have any answers. That was a bad feeling. Almost as bad as stuttering.
A good smell came from the kitchen and my nose and stomach started reminding me how long it had been since I had tasted Mam’s cooking.
I had gone upstairs to take a bath without Mam telling me and came back down wearing a clean pair of shorts and nice shirt for collecting. My parents were eating out with friends like they usually did on Friday nights. Mam had a big plate of fried chicken on the table along with black-eyed peas and Smashed Potatoes. They were just regular mashed potatoes but I liked to get that good
S
in there for starters since it meant about the same thing.
Mam sat down to eat with me. She was mostly just dabbing at her food. It was best for me not to look at her. It hurt to see her banged-up face. All I could think about was taking a nice shiny new baseball that still had all the red and blue writing on it and throwing it as hard as I could right between the eyes of the person who beat up Mam.
I wished that I was going to be throwing papers instead of collecting because I felt like heaving something for sure. I had one more week to go before Rat got home and I was planning on some super-hard newspaper throws.
I asked Mam to let me help her with the dishes but she said to go on and start my collecting so I could get home early. She notched up her voice to make sure I heard her.
You needs to pay this full mind. You be home ’fore dark or you’ll have me come looking for you.
I could tell she wasn’t fooling.
I went upstairs to get some change from my desk drawer. I looked in my billfold at the three words written on three different corners of a dollar bill.
Student
Servant
Seller
I knew I would get a fourth word next week. I didn’t have any clue what word it would be but I had a notion it would start with an
S
. I wondered if Mr. Spiro knew that
S
was my favorite sound and letter in all the world. If I had been Napoleon I would have changed that stone with the writing on it so more
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