his lapel.
“Oh, Kate,” he said. “When you look at me like that… those
eyes
of yours…” His eyelids lowered. “I’ve tried so very
hard
the last few months to stay away from you. To ignore this… this hold you have on me. You can’t imagine what a challenge it’s been. I’ve been reduced to following you like a lapdog as you run through the park.” He raised his eyes to meet mine. “Now you know.”
“Oh,” I said, taking it in. “But why?”
“Why what?”
“Why stay away?”
“It’s rather difficult to explain,” he said.
“Well, try me. I mean, it hasn’t exactly been easy for me, either. Wondering what I did to turn you off like that, so suddenly. You can’t imagine the wild theories going through my head.”
He began to laugh, not a jolly laugh. “Nothing so wild as the truth. But let’s leave that aside for the moment…”
“No. Let’s not. I want to know. I think I have a right to know.”
“Kate,” he said, and his voice went soft again. He reached out and fingered the back of my hand. “Please. I’ll tell you, I promise. Just not now. I think…” He paused. “I think it might be better if we got to know one another more.”
His voice was so charming, so beguiling, that all my objections flew from my head. “But why,” I said, trying to marshal at least a little reason, “is that okay now? When it wasn’t before?”
“It isn’t okay. It’s quite wrong. But I’ve gone past the point of caring anymore. I can’t bear to be without you, and I was a perfect idiot to think I could…” He checked himself. His hand, which had been running up and down the backs of my fingers, grasped mine and drew it upward, a swift impulsive act, to brush against his lips.
I felt tears start against my eyelashes and drew my hand back down. “Well, I’m glad,” I said, voice firm, “because I missed you, too.”
“Oh, Kate,” he said, turning away, but he kept my hand in his, sliding his thumb along mine and staring out the window.
“Why,” I asked, into the tense air between us, “were you trying to find me?”
“Oh, that. I just wanted to let you know that I spoke with Miss Martinez at the
Post
, and the item tomorrow will be fairly innocuous. I asked her to leave your name out of it, but she pointed out that it was already in the public domain, so…” He shrugged. “I’m sorry about that.”
“No, you did your best. It’s no big deal, I guess. It’ll blow over. Just a few days of crap from my colleagues, but I can handle that. And thank you,” I added. “You didn’t need to do that.”
“It was the least I could do.”
“Julian, you saved me from a serious beating. Maybe worse. And you set yourself up for a ton of unwanted public attention. So I’m the one who should be making things up to you.”
“Christ, Kate!” he burst out. “As if
that
matters! My God! What if I hadn’t been there last night?”
I returned my gaze to my lap and didn’t answer.
We turned right on Seventy-ninth Street and ran off the avenues to my apartment building. “Well,” I said, “this is me.”
“Yes, it is,” he agreed.
The driver got out and held my door open.
“Um, would you like to come in? I mean, not
come in
, come in,” I added quickly. “Just to talk.”
A smile grew across his face. “Yes, I’d like that,” he said, and followed me out of the car. He turned to the driver and said a few low words; the man nodded and got back in.
“What did you tell him?” I demanded. “Because you’re not staying over, you know. I’m not
that
easy.”
“Of course not.” He looked shocked. “He’s just going to park down the street.”
“Good, then. Now I warn you,” I said, as he opened the lobby door for me, “my roommate is a little… well, you’ll see what I mean. If she’s home. Which she’s probably not. Hi, Joey.”
Joey was on the house phone; his eyebrows went up into his hairline when he saw us. “Good night, Kate,” he mouthed
“Oh, Kate,” he said. “When you look at me like that… those
eyes
of yours…” His eyelids lowered. “I’ve tried so very
hard
the last few months to stay away from you. To ignore this… this hold you have on me. You can’t imagine what a challenge it’s been. I’ve been reduced to following you like a lapdog as you run through the park.” He raised his eyes to meet mine. “Now you know.”
“Oh,” I said, taking it in. “But why?”
“Why what?”
“Why stay away?”
“It’s rather difficult to explain,” he said.
“Well, try me. I mean, it hasn’t exactly been easy for me, either. Wondering what I did to turn you off like that, so suddenly. You can’t imagine the wild theories going through my head.”
He began to laugh, not a jolly laugh. “Nothing so wild as the truth. But let’s leave that aside for the moment…”
“No. Let’s not. I want to know. I think I have a right to know.”
“Kate,” he said, and his voice went soft again. He reached out and fingered the back of my hand. “Please. I’ll tell you, I promise. Just not now. I think…” He paused. “I think it might be better if we got to know one another more.”
His voice was so charming, so beguiling, that all my objections flew from my head. “But why,” I said, trying to marshal at least a little reason, “is that okay now? When it wasn’t before?”
“It isn’t okay. It’s quite wrong. But I’ve gone past the point of caring anymore. I can’t bear to be without you, and I was a perfect idiot to think I could…” He checked himself. His hand, which had been running up and down the backs of my fingers, grasped mine and drew it upward, a swift impulsive act, to brush against his lips.
I felt tears start against my eyelashes and drew my hand back down. “Well, I’m glad,” I said, voice firm, “because I missed you, too.”
“Oh, Kate,” he said, turning away, but he kept my hand in his, sliding his thumb along mine and staring out the window.
“Why,” I asked, into the tense air between us, “were you trying to find me?”
“Oh, that. I just wanted to let you know that I spoke with Miss Martinez at the
Post
, and the item tomorrow will be fairly innocuous. I asked her to leave your name out of it, but she pointed out that it was already in the public domain, so…” He shrugged. “I’m sorry about that.”
“No, you did your best. It’s no big deal, I guess. It’ll blow over. Just a few days of crap from my colleagues, but I can handle that. And thank you,” I added. “You didn’t need to do that.”
“It was the least I could do.”
“Julian, you saved me from a serious beating. Maybe worse. And you set yourself up for a ton of unwanted public attention. So I’m the one who should be making things up to you.”
“Christ, Kate!” he burst out. “As if
that
matters! My God! What if I hadn’t been there last night?”
I returned my gaze to my lap and didn’t answer.
We turned right on Seventy-ninth Street and ran off the avenues to my apartment building. “Well,” I said, “this is me.”
“Yes, it is,” he agreed.
The driver got out and held my door open.
“Um, would you like to come in? I mean, not
come in
, come in,” I added quickly. “Just to talk.”
A smile grew across his face. “Yes, I’d like that,” he said, and followed me out of the car. He turned to the driver and said a few low words; the man nodded and got back in.
“What did you tell him?” I demanded. “Because you’re not staying over, you know. I’m not
that
easy.”
“Of course not.” He looked shocked. “He’s just going to park down the street.”
“Good, then. Now I warn you,” I said, as he opened the lobby door for me, “my roommate is a little… well, you’ll see what I mean. If she’s home. Which she’s probably not. Hi, Joey.”
Joey was on the house phone; his eyebrows went up into his hairline when he saw us. “Good night, Kate,” he mouthed
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