us to do, too.”
Now, as the choir belted out a rousing rendition of “Just a Closer Walk with Thee,” Patrice balanced the hymnal’s spine on one palm, eyes closed and head bowed, and listened to what had been her mother’s favorite holy song, the one she hummed while doing housework and cooking meals, and sang softly while puttering in her gardens. If pressed, Patrice would say she remembered hearing that tune while she was still in diapers.
The choir was on the third verse by the time Patrice opened her eyes. “‘When my feeble life is o’er,”’ theysang, “‘time for me will be no more….”’ Her mother had always sounded so… sad, Patrice thought, while singing those words. Could it be she’d wanted to die then, too? Or was the unhappiness merely in Patrice’s imagination?
Were these signs and symbols the Lord’s way of answering her prayer for peace of mind? Because surely He didn’t expect she’d find it by forgetting that her mother had committed suicide. And since she’d long ago forgiven—
Or had she?
Using her thumb to mark the page in her hymnal, Patrice pressed the book to her chest. If she’d truly forgiven her mother, why did remembering that day still make her so angry?
“‘…guide me gently, safely o’er,”’ the choir continued, “‘…to Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore….”’
Though she’d found plenty of references to people killing themselves in the Bible, Patrice had never read the word suicide. So had her mother committed an unpardonable sin by taking her own life? Or was it an act God could forgive?
While still in high school, one of Patrice’s classmates killed himself, inspiring a question-and-answer period in Sunday School on Sunday school. By the end of class, her teacher had filled the blackboard with proof that suicide was, indeed, a grave sin.
Suicide violates the Ten Commandments. The Bible does not condone ending one’s life for any reason. Life is a gift from God. Suicide is an expression of self-hatred, and God directs us to love one another as ourselves. Suicide is proof of a lack of faith. Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness.
New to the church, her teacher had no way of knowing how close to the bone the lesson had cut for Patrice. Patrice could only cling to the promise spelled out in Romans 8:1. “…there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” Her mother had invited the Lord into her heart at an early age, a fact that would have comforted Patrice…if it wasn’t in direct opposition to the message in I Corinthians 6:19–20. “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body.”
It was a battle she’d fought from the age of fourteen, when she found her mother there on the living room couch…and one she’d likely fight till she drew her last breath. Then, as now, Patrice needed to believe that even though her mother’s act was in direct rebellion against the Father, He had promised to remain faithful to His word. Because if that were true, she’d meet up with her mother someday in Paradise—
“Earth to Patrice, Earth to Patrice…”
Her father’s gravelly whisper brought her back to the here and now. She met his eyes, saw the teasing glint there, and smiled.
“Well, you were about a billion miles away,” he said, as fellow parishioners filed out around them. “In Paradise, I take it?”
In place of an answer, she stepped into the aisle behind his chair, and, grabbing its handles, headed for the side door, where the men of the parish had installed a wide wooden ramp to accommodate the elderly and the handicapped. “So what are you in the mood for today? Roast beef? Spaghetti and meatballs? Stuffed pork chops?”
“I have a new nickname for you,” he said over his shoulder.
“Oh, really. And what would that be?”
She predicted he’d
Now, as the choir belted out a rousing rendition of “Just a Closer Walk with Thee,” Patrice balanced the hymnal’s spine on one palm, eyes closed and head bowed, and listened to what had been her mother’s favorite holy song, the one she hummed while doing housework and cooking meals, and sang softly while puttering in her gardens. If pressed, Patrice would say she remembered hearing that tune while she was still in diapers.
The choir was on the third verse by the time Patrice opened her eyes. “‘When my feeble life is o’er,”’ theysang, “‘time for me will be no more….”’ Her mother had always sounded so… sad, Patrice thought, while singing those words. Could it be she’d wanted to die then, too? Or was the unhappiness merely in Patrice’s imagination?
Were these signs and symbols the Lord’s way of answering her prayer for peace of mind? Because surely He didn’t expect she’d find it by forgetting that her mother had committed suicide. And since she’d long ago forgiven—
Or had she?
Using her thumb to mark the page in her hymnal, Patrice pressed the book to her chest. If she’d truly forgiven her mother, why did remembering that day still make her so angry?
“‘…guide me gently, safely o’er,”’ the choir continued, “‘…to Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore….”’
Though she’d found plenty of references to people killing themselves in the Bible, Patrice had never read the word suicide. So had her mother committed an unpardonable sin by taking her own life? Or was it an act God could forgive?
While still in high school, one of Patrice’s classmates killed himself, inspiring a question-and-answer period in Sunday School on Sunday school. By the end of class, her teacher had filled the blackboard with proof that suicide was, indeed, a grave sin.
Suicide violates the Ten Commandments. The Bible does not condone ending one’s life for any reason. Life is a gift from God. Suicide is an expression of self-hatred, and God directs us to love one another as ourselves. Suicide is proof of a lack of faith. Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness.
New to the church, her teacher had no way of knowing how close to the bone the lesson had cut for Patrice. Patrice could only cling to the promise spelled out in Romans 8:1. “…there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” Her mother had invited the Lord into her heart at an early age, a fact that would have comforted Patrice…if it wasn’t in direct opposition to the message in I Corinthians 6:19–20. “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body.”
It was a battle she’d fought from the age of fourteen, when she found her mother there on the living room couch…and one she’d likely fight till she drew her last breath. Then, as now, Patrice needed to believe that even though her mother’s act was in direct rebellion against the Father, He had promised to remain faithful to His word. Because if that were true, she’d meet up with her mother someday in Paradise—
“Earth to Patrice, Earth to Patrice…”
Her father’s gravelly whisper brought her back to the here and now. She met his eyes, saw the teasing glint there, and smiled.
“Well, you were about a billion miles away,” he said, as fellow parishioners filed out around them. “In Paradise, I take it?”
In place of an answer, she stepped into the aisle behind his chair, and, grabbing its handles, headed for the side door, where the men of the parish had installed a wide wooden ramp to accommodate the elderly and the handicapped. “So what are you in the mood for today? Roast beef? Spaghetti and meatballs? Stuffed pork chops?”
“I have a new nickname for you,” he said over his shoulder.
“Oh, really. And what would that be?”
She predicted he’d
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