Out of the Shadow by J. K. Winn

life."
    "I cared deeply for David. Maybe not always as a wife should, but unwaveringly as a friend. Anyway, thrilled or not, he was my husband, Mom, and I owe him my loyalty. I’m surprised to hear this coming from you. I thought you were the authority on family allegiance." The words were out before she heard the inflection in her own voice. Too late. Julie heard it, too.
    Hurt filled her eyes. "It’s impossible to have a decent conversation with you. I hope someday you can accept me for who I am. We'd better get going."
    In the same way you accept me? Becca thought about adding. But there was no use prolonging the pain. "Sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to upset you." Becca reapplied her lipstick and placed her compact back in her purse. She wanted to be more patient with her mom, but she had a lot to learn. When the hell would she ever learn it? And what type of lesson would it take?
     
     
    Back at her apartment, Becca tried on the low-cut dress she had purchased at Ross , in an attempt to lift her mood at the end of the tense afternoon with Julie. As if being with Julie wasn’t enough stress, she had come home to another of those unsettling silent messages on the answering machine.
    With Cecil by her side, giving her legs a grateful rub, she modeled the dress in the full-length mirror on her closet door, then hung it up. In the kitchen, she fixed herself a glass of iced tea and Cecil a bowl of kibble . She was about to carry the tea into the living room when the phone rang. It was Drew.
    "I’ve been meaning to call you for days because of the way you left the party the other night. How are you? Is everything all right?"
    After an afternoon with Julie, that was a tough question to answer honestly. "I’m fine. How are you?"
    "Busy, but I had to call and let you know how much I enjoyed meeting you at your parents' house the other night. I’ve been thinking about my promise all week. Since I owe you a coffee, I was wondering if we could get together downtown one afternoon after work. What do you say?"
    What could she say? Not sure she should start anything new with all she had on her plate, she couldn’t think of an excuse. "I say okay—as long as we keep it casual."
    "Sure. Sure. No problem. Since I’ll be in court this week, how about if I give you a holler early next week and we make plans?"
    After agreeing to this, she carried her tea to the window seat, curled her legs beneath her, and sipped the spicy chai brew. Glancing out over the sugar maple in front of her apartment, she suddenly felt sad. Its vibrant red and orange leaves had turned brown, littering the pavement and the street, reminding her of how long it had been since David’s death.
    She watched as the wind kicked up leaves and sent them tumbling into the gutter. As though sensing her mood, Cecil leaped into her lap and purred. She petted him absently, and  thought about her mother. No matter how hard Becca tried, she had trouble being patient with Julie. She knew her mother only wanted the best for her, and wished with all her heart she could control her tongue better. But Julie would only have to open her mouth, and Becca would find herself on the defensive again.
    The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Julie. Her mother had enough to deal with, married to a man who hardly ever acknowledged her. Even during Becca’s earliest years, Julie had turned to her to fill the void in her empty marriage. And for a long time, Becca had done her best to make her mother happy. Somewhere around her early teens, she had stopped trying.  She had to be her own woman, but being strong always set up a battle of wills with Julie.
    A knock on the door roused her from her reverie. She opened it to Evan’s beaming face.
    "Where have you been? I came by earlier."
    She ushered him into the apartment and offered him an iced tea and a seat on the couch. "Didn’t I mention I had a lunch date with my mom?"
    "No, I missed that one. How did it go?"
    Becca made a face.