was the first time I had touched him all week. The dream was obviously a bad one; it left his face haunted and pale and he sighed again in relief when he held my hand. Cam closed his eyes and cupped my cheek. I turned my head and kissed his palm.
“I miss you,” he breathed, and the knot in my chest increased in size.
I smiled sadly. “I miss you too. Come to bed, please?”
No more words were exchanged as Cam climbed into bed behind me, his large chest to my back, the entire length of his body pressing against mine like he couldn’t get close enough. He hadn’t held me for what seemed like forever, and I savored the security and warmth only his arms could bring.
It didn’t last.
I woke the next morning to an empty bed.
I didn’t know if Cam was at work or if it was his day off since he’d stopped telling me his roster, and I guess it didn’t matter, he wasn’t home. A heavy weight settling in my stomach, I pulled my running shorts on and went for a run.
When the running didn’t help, I ended up at Caroline’s. She had been out of town for a few weeks working with a client and I hoped she was home; luckily, it was early Sunday morning so the chances were good.
Caroline answered the door in her customary Sunday attire: pink girly pajamas, coffee in hand, and sour look on her face.
“You look terrible.” I tried for light and teasing, but in my current mood I couldn’t carry it off.
“Have you looked in mirror this morning?” She reminded me of Grumpy Cat. “Come on in, I’ve been expecting you after the message I got from Cam earlier.”
Cam phoned Caroline?
“He called you?” My anger returning, I threw my hands up and stomped into the living room.
“Calm down, caveman. I didn’t answer the phone, it was like oh-god o’clock, some ridiculous hour this morning. He was about to say what he wanted, but an alarm went off at the station and he hung up. What happened to you two since I’ve been gone? Cam sounded like warmed-up crap. Keep in mind I haven’t been up long, this is my first cup of coffee and it’s nowhere near finished.”
I should’ve known better. She was useless before her third cup, so anything she said was going to be blunt, to the point, and without much thought.
I dropped onto the sofa. Cam was working today, at least I knew that much now. “Christ, I don’t even know where to start.”
Caroline sat next to me as I went through all the things that had happened in the last month. My stomach twisted as I relived the arguments and the tears, the touches that were no longer there, the frustration and the sadness—it hurt, but I told Caroline everything.
“Can I be blunt?” she asked after I finished telling her about last night’s events.
“Seriously? Do you know how to be subtle?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Sorry,” I said, contrite.
“It sounds like PTSD to me, and if it is, he needs to seek some professional help. It won’t fix itself, and it won’t just go away. Surely the fire department has a psychiatrist?”
“PTSD. Isn’t that what military guys get when they come home from war?”
“Yes, but it can affect anyone who has witnessed something traumatic. My guess is, something about that freeway accident was traumatizing to Cameron and he can’t get it out of his mind. He’s moody, right?” I nodded. “He’s withdrawn and sad, then angry and bitching?” I nodded again. “He needs to get professional help.”
“How come you know so much?”
“I dated a Marine. You remember Jason? He had a friend that… suffered from PTSD when he returned from Afghanistan. Jason told me about it.”
I nodded. I remembered Jason and his haunted eyes, but I knew there was something about the story Caroline wasn’t telling me. “I told Cam he needed to talk to someone professionally, but he acted like he didn’t hear me. We were in the middle of an argument at the time. Cam has always considered himself a strong person and it would hurt his ego if
“I miss you,” he breathed, and the knot in my chest increased in size.
I smiled sadly. “I miss you too. Come to bed, please?”
No more words were exchanged as Cam climbed into bed behind me, his large chest to my back, the entire length of his body pressing against mine like he couldn’t get close enough. He hadn’t held me for what seemed like forever, and I savored the security and warmth only his arms could bring.
It didn’t last.
I woke the next morning to an empty bed.
I didn’t know if Cam was at work or if it was his day off since he’d stopped telling me his roster, and I guess it didn’t matter, he wasn’t home. A heavy weight settling in my stomach, I pulled my running shorts on and went for a run.
When the running didn’t help, I ended up at Caroline’s. She had been out of town for a few weeks working with a client and I hoped she was home; luckily, it was early Sunday morning so the chances were good.
Caroline answered the door in her customary Sunday attire: pink girly pajamas, coffee in hand, and sour look on her face.
“You look terrible.” I tried for light and teasing, but in my current mood I couldn’t carry it off.
“Have you looked in mirror this morning?” She reminded me of Grumpy Cat. “Come on in, I’ve been expecting you after the message I got from Cam earlier.”
Cam phoned Caroline?
“He called you?” My anger returning, I threw my hands up and stomped into the living room.
“Calm down, caveman. I didn’t answer the phone, it was like oh-god o’clock, some ridiculous hour this morning. He was about to say what he wanted, but an alarm went off at the station and he hung up. What happened to you two since I’ve been gone? Cam sounded like warmed-up crap. Keep in mind I haven’t been up long, this is my first cup of coffee and it’s nowhere near finished.”
I should’ve known better. She was useless before her third cup, so anything she said was going to be blunt, to the point, and without much thought.
I dropped onto the sofa. Cam was working today, at least I knew that much now. “Christ, I don’t even know where to start.”
Caroline sat next to me as I went through all the things that had happened in the last month. My stomach twisted as I relived the arguments and the tears, the touches that were no longer there, the frustration and the sadness—it hurt, but I told Caroline everything.
“Can I be blunt?” she asked after I finished telling her about last night’s events.
“Seriously? Do you know how to be subtle?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Sorry,” I said, contrite.
“It sounds like PTSD to me, and if it is, he needs to seek some professional help. It won’t fix itself, and it won’t just go away. Surely the fire department has a psychiatrist?”
“PTSD. Isn’t that what military guys get when they come home from war?”
“Yes, but it can affect anyone who has witnessed something traumatic. My guess is, something about that freeway accident was traumatizing to Cameron and he can’t get it out of his mind. He’s moody, right?” I nodded. “He’s withdrawn and sad, then angry and bitching?” I nodded again. “He needs to get professional help.”
“How come you know so much?”
“I dated a Marine. You remember Jason? He had a friend that… suffered from PTSD when he returned from Afghanistan. Jason told me about it.”
I nodded. I remembered Jason and his haunted eyes, but I knew there was something about the story Caroline wasn’t telling me. “I told Cam he needed to talk to someone professionally, but he acted like he didn’t hear me. We were in the middle of an argument at the time. Cam has always considered himself a strong person and it would hurt his ego if
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