the branches of the tree gave it more of a sad look. I don’t know why I felt this, but I did. It made me wonder if somehow I might have been the cause for its sadness. It was silly to think this; I know…yet the thought seized me just the same.
I took a deep and calming breath so I could face the tree. The memories of the day with Allison were almost more than I could endure. As I reached out my unsteady hand to touch the bark of the tree, tears of long-stored emotions overwhelmed me. I could do little more than brace myself, relying once again on the strength of the tree, as uncontrollable sobs erupted from my tired soul. I turned and put my back to the tree, allowing myself to slowly slide down the trunk until I sat on the ground at its base. I hugged my knees to my chest and fell into the memories past and the sorrow of the present. It wasn’t the loss of my grandfather or even Allison, which tore at my soul ; it was deeper still. I had somehow lost myself, and I felt the utter desperation of loneliness and self-loathing the last six years had wrought on my soul. It all seemed so clear to me. This place had inspired my grandma to paint and brought love and peace to many. It now tried to ease the troubled pain and hurt that consumed me. I could hear the wind whisper through the branches above me. The familiar sounds of life within the meadow softened the cacophony of voices, within my head, threatening to destroy me with their preaching of loss and misery.
My head ached with too many emotions , and I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands . I still shook with the chills of sorrow. Through painfully-swollen eyes I looked out over the hill and towards the town in the distance. Somewhere down there was a lost love, a potential happiness I had traded for a life of insecurity and loneliness. If God would somehow find me worthy, grant me a second chance, I would give my life to being a better man. I was hoping I could somehow make my way on to that all-important list, to be given a last opportunity to put right what I had once allowed to go so terribly wrong. I sat there for a while longer, trying to harness the strength I would need to do what I had come to do, gaze upon my past.
In the spring of nineteen ninety-nine, Allison and I had not been able to stop the growing waves of love’s passion, as we first kissed and then hungrily sought the heat of each other’s bodies. Our clothes gave way to bare skin, and the scents of our passion mixed with the intoxicating aromas of the spring wildflowers and warmed earth. Words didn’t need to be spoken as our hands gently caressed and touched each other, sending currents of electricity and anticipation streaming throughout each of our bodies. Our minds traveled to the place where ecstasy resides and souls join together, leaving forever, their intimate traces upon one another. With the symphony of the insects and the serenade of the birds, we joined together, sharing the ultimate gift of giving of one’s self to another person. In the shadows of the tree, we held each other and watched as the sunlight above us danced from leaf to leaf in the cooling springtime breeze. It was the moment when lovers realize the bliss of pure connection. It was, and forever will be, that one, undeniable feeling of total completeness, which becomes engrained within the senses of the body and stored within the mind forever.
I relived every moment and sensation of that day as I sat with my back to the tree. The pangs of need in my heart were just as much alive today as they had been on a magical day ages ago. With a sigh of what could have been, I rose up on my knees and then climbed to my feet, using the tree to steady myself. The sun was beginning to slowly dip behind the trees, cresting the top of the hill. I could still see clearly enough, but the shadows were taking on more depth and consistency. I reached down and picked up the flashlight from the ground where I had dropped it near my feet.
I took a deep and calming breath so I could face the tree. The memories of the day with Allison were almost more than I could endure. As I reached out my unsteady hand to touch the bark of the tree, tears of long-stored emotions overwhelmed me. I could do little more than brace myself, relying once again on the strength of the tree, as uncontrollable sobs erupted from my tired soul. I turned and put my back to the tree, allowing myself to slowly slide down the trunk until I sat on the ground at its base. I hugged my knees to my chest and fell into the memories past and the sorrow of the present. It wasn’t the loss of my grandfather or even Allison, which tore at my soul ; it was deeper still. I had somehow lost myself, and I felt the utter desperation of loneliness and self-loathing the last six years had wrought on my soul. It all seemed so clear to me. This place had inspired my grandma to paint and brought love and peace to many. It now tried to ease the troubled pain and hurt that consumed me. I could hear the wind whisper through the branches above me. The familiar sounds of life within the meadow softened the cacophony of voices, within my head, threatening to destroy me with their preaching of loss and misery.
My head ached with too many emotions , and I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands . I still shook with the chills of sorrow. Through painfully-swollen eyes I looked out over the hill and towards the town in the distance. Somewhere down there was a lost love, a potential happiness I had traded for a life of insecurity and loneliness. If God would somehow find me worthy, grant me a second chance, I would give my life to being a better man. I was hoping I could somehow make my way on to that all-important list, to be given a last opportunity to put right what I had once allowed to go so terribly wrong. I sat there for a while longer, trying to harness the strength I would need to do what I had come to do, gaze upon my past.
In the spring of nineteen ninety-nine, Allison and I had not been able to stop the growing waves of love’s passion, as we first kissed and then hungrily sought the heat of each other’s bodies. Our clothes gave way to bare skin, and the scents of our passion mixed with the intoxicating aromas of the spring wildflowers and warmed earth. Words didn’t need to be spoken as our hands gently caressed and touched each other, sending currents of electricity and anticipation streaming throughout each of our bodies. Our minds traveled to the place where ecstasy resides and souls join together, leaving forever, their intimate traces upon one another. With the symphony of the insects and the serenade of the birds, we joined together, sharing the ultimate gift of giving of one’s self to another person. In the shadows of the tree, we held each other and watched as the sunlight above us danced from leaf to leaf in the cooling springtime breeze. It was the moment when lovers realize the bliss of pure connection. It was, and forever will be, that one, undeniable feeling of total completeness, which becomes engrained within the senses of the body and stored within the mind forever.
I relived every moment and sensation of that day as I sat with my back to the tree. The pangs of need in my heart were just as much alive today as they had been on a magical day ages ago. With a sigh of what could have been, I rose up on my knees and then climbed to my feet, using the tree to steady myself. The sun was beginning to slowly dip behind the trees, cresting the top of the hill. I could still see clearly enough, but the shadows were taking on more depth and consistency. I reached down and picked up the flashlight from the ground where I had dropped it near my feet.
Similar Books
