Only for Us by Cristin Harber

CHAPTER ONE
     
    Emma
     
    “Mommy!” There’s a clatter of noise that only a two-year-old can make coming from the back door.
    I’m frozen with ice-cold panic as Grayson rips on his pants. Two seconds ago, I was in a euphoric lull.
    “Emma,” he hisses at me. “Clothes.”
    Right. Shit. Shoot. Oh my effin’ God. Clothes. I grab my oversized T-shirt and pull it on. My heart is in my throat, trying to escape. Every bit of me wants to run out the door and give myself a chance to think. Just as Gray wasn’t supposed to find out the way he did, Cally is not supposed to learn about her dad this way. I hop into my flannel pajama bottoms, and my hands search for the drawstrings. But they’re on backward. Shit.
    Cherry’s voice calls out, “Emma. Hon, you awake? Where you at, babe?”
    “Breathe, Ems.” Grayson hovers over me. I can almost see his pulse pounding in his neck. There’s a nervous tension in the air that neither of us knows how to react to.
    Cally’s footsteps head in the opposite direction of the living room, away from us. “My bedwroom's back here. I wanna show you, Aunt Chwerry.”
    “I’m breathing,” I say to him breathlessly, confirming that I most certainly am not.
    His eyes are on the floor. Where’s his shirt? Oh, this is not going well.
    “Emma?” Cherry’s voice fades as she heads after Cally toward the bedrooms.
    “You should leave.” I bite my lip. “No, you shouldn’t.” My eyes sink shut, and I’m lost. I can’t kick him out the front door. I don’t want to kick him out the front door.
    “Seriously. Take a breath, Emma. It's not how we planned, but it’s going to be okay.”
    Not how we planned? We haven’t come up for air long enough to plan. I need to stall or redirect or—
    Cherry and Cally laugh loudly on the other side of the small house. My eyes shoot in their direction then back to Grayson. His face is calm, his eyes bright. A curious, almost excited smile plays on his full lips, and I try to understand the magnitude of what he might be feeling.
    Gray takes a step forward and cups my chin, letting his thumb softly stroke my cheek. “It’ll be okay.”
    I nod, listening to an excited Cally drag Cherry down the back hall.
    “It’ll be okay,” I repeat as if it’s a calming mantra that might save me.
    “You want me to head out?” His throat bobs. “I’m dying here. I need to stay. You get that?” His eyes glance over my shoulder. “You’re scared. I’m… freakin’ out. But I can’t leave.” He gulps again.
    God love him for giving me the option. How hard does it have to be for him? I shake my head and realize that my hands are trembling. I cross my arms and tuck them in tight. “No.”
    Cherry and Cally make their way closer. They giggle over a lost doll that has been found—the one I put in the center of all of Cally’s toys, lined up on her bed.
    I need to focus. Time feels as if it’s moving slowly, as though I’m swimming through sludge. I try to think. Okay . Grayson’s staying . “Hey, Cherry, hang on. Hang tight. Be in the kitchen in a sec—”
    “We were just—” Cherry falters at the mouth of the hallway and clings to the wall. Her face pales, and her mouth drops open as if she can’t understand what’s before her. “Um—whoa.”
    I cringe. Her eyeballs bulge, bouncing between a no-shirted Grayson and me guiltily smoothing my T-shirt.
    What am I supposed to say? You remember Grayson? Ahh — what the shiznittle do I say ?
    “You’re… here.” Though I can tell she almost said “alive.”
    He nods. “I am.”
    “Gray’s back, Cherry.” Nervously, I twist my fingers in the hem of my ginormous shirt.
    “You can not be serious.” Her hand juts to the wall as if she has to hold herself up.
    Not the reaction I would’ve dreamed up. But it’s not unexpected. “Cherry—”
    Cally is babbling behind her, my guess talking to her doll about hugs and sunshine. Then she bypasses my sister and runs into the room, a smiling