dark.
Several hours later, I awoke to what I thought was rain hitting my face. I jumped at the realization of where I had fallen asleep, looked around to see that the sun was coming up over the horizon, and that it wasn't rain, rather the sprinklers had turned on in the cemetery. I quickly stood up and looked down at my parent’s grave. Resting my hand atop of it, I apologized for berating them the night before, “I’m so sorry, Mom, Dad. I just miss you both so much, there are so many things happening right now and I just wish the two of you were here to help me through all of them.” I kissed my hand and placed it on each of their names, figuring I’d better get out of the cemetery before someone called the cops on the crazy lady who’d yelled at a headstone all night.
Climbing into my SUV the clock read 5:45 a.m. I pulled down my mirror and wasn’t shocked at the amount of mascara that had stained my cheeks. That and the constant ache in my chest were sure fire reminders that last night actually happened. I reached for my phone and saw all of the missed calls; twenty-three from Cole, twelve from Addison, five from Casey, and two each from Addison’s parents. I also had a full voicemail box. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to any of them, so I just deleted everything with one press of a button, turned my phone off, and started my car.
Driving down my street I saw Cole’s car parked in front of my house. I was half tempted to keep driving, but the crick in my neck and my wet clothes reminded that I needed to get cleaned up, and at least try to get a few more hours of sleep before the weekend was over. Pulling into the driveway I placed the car in park, reached for my clutch, and took a deep breath before I headed to my front door.
Cole was sitting on my porch swing passed out, obviously, having spent the entire night there awaiting my return. I tried my damnedest not to wake him, but when my key slid into the door his eyes flew open and he jumped off of the swing. “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting all night for you.” I couldn’t even look at him; I just pushed my door open and stepped in. His hand flew straight out catching the door before I could close it on him. “Reagan, please, we need to talk,” he declared, panic in his voice.
I turned around to get one last glimpse of his beautiful face, and also hoping he would feel the same excruciating pain that I felt the night before when he looked into my eyes. “I’m done, Cole, I can’t compete with those other women.” The tears slowly started trickling down my cheeks and he sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of them.
Moving closer, shaking his head he looked up at me again. “Please, baby, don’t say that, just let me explain.” His hands reached out for mine and I pulled back from him before he could touch me.
“Cole, just go, please.” I pushed the door closed behind me and locked it, as Cole beat on the wood from the outside.
“Damn it, Reagan, please just talk to me. You don’t understand, please!” he shouted. I couldn’t handle hearing his voice, so I ran to the shower, turned the hot water on, and cranked my iPod all the way up until it finally drowned out the sounds of fists banging on wood and shouting from my front porch. I leaned against the tile as the scalding water burned my skin, praying the pain of the hot water would eventually take over the pain I felt in my chest.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Emerging from the shower, I ran straight to my room, put on my most comfortable pajamas, set my iPhone on the music doc, hit repeat on my go to break up song, Brandy’s Have You Ever , and climbed into bed, forcing myself to close my eyes and try my best to fall asleep. At least if I was sleeping I wouldn’t feel the constant ache that had a hold of my entire body. As the lyrics played lightly over the speakers the tears began rolling down my face, again. I’d cried to this song after every break up since I was twelve years old,
Several hours later, I awoke to what I thought was rain hitting my face. I jumped at the realization of where I had fallen asleep, looked around to see that the sun was coming up over the horizon, and that it wasn't rain, rather the sprinklers had turned on in the cemetery. I quickly stood up and looked down at my parent’s grave. Resting my hand atop of it, I apologized for berating them the night before, “I’m so sorry, Mom, Dad. I just miss you both so much, there are so many things happening right now and I just wish the two of you were here to help me through all of them.” I kissed my hand and placed it on each of their names, figuring I’d better get out of the cemetery before someone called the cops on the crazy lady who’d yelled at a headstone all night.
Climbing into my SUV the clock read 5:45 a.m. I pulled down my mirror and wasn’t shocked at the amount of mascara that had stained my cheeks. That and the constant ache in my chest were sure fire reminders that last night actually happened. I reached for my phone and saw all of the missed calls; twenty-three from Cole, twelve from Addison, five from Casey, and two each from Addison’s parents. I also had a full voicemail box. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to any of them, so I just deleted everything with one press of a button, turned my phone off, and started my car.
Driving down my street I saw Cole’s car parked in front of my house. I was half tempted to keep driving, but the crick in my neck and my wet clothes reminded that I needed to get cleaned up, and at least try to get a few more hours of sleep before the weekend was over. Pulling into the driveway I placed the car in park, reached for my clutch, and took a deep breath before I headed to my front door.
Cole was sitting on my porch swing passed out, obviously, having spent the entire night there awaiting my return. I tried my damnedest not to wake him, but when my key slid into the door his eyes flew open and he jumped off of the swing. “Where have you been? I’ve been waiting all night for you.” I couldn’t even look at him; I just pushed my door open and stepped in. His hand flew straight out catching the door before I could close it on him. “Reagan, please, we need to talk,” he declared, panic in his voice.
I turned around to get one last glimpse of his beautiful face, and also hoping he would feel the same excruciating pain that I felt the night before when he looked into my eyes. “I’m done, Cole, I can’t compete with those other women.” The tears slowly started trickling down my cheeks and he sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of them.
Moving closer, shaking his head he looked up at me again. “Please, baby, don’t say that, just let me explain.” His hands reached out for mine and I pulled back from him before he could touch me.
“Cole, just go, please.” I pushed the door closed behind me and locked it, as Cole beat on the wood from the outside.
“Damn it, Reagan, please just talk to me. You don’t understand, please!” he shouted. I couldn’t handle hearing his voice, so I ran to the shower, turned the hot water on, and cranked my iPod all the way up until it finally drowned out the sounds of fists banging on wood and shouting from my front porch. I leaned against the tile as the scalding water burned my skin, praying the pain of the hot water would eventually take over the pain I felt in my chest.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Emerging from the shower, I ran straight to my room, put on my most comfortable pajamas, set my iPhone on the music doc, hit repeat on my go to break up song, Brandy’s Have You Ever , and climbed into bed, forcing myself to close my eyes and try my best to fall asleep. At least if I was sleeping I wouldn’t feel the constant ache that had a hold of my entire body. As the lyrics played lightly over the speakers the tears began rolling down my face, again. I’d cried to this song after every break up since I was twelve years old,
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