truth to the sting, correct? I thought I heard that somewhere, yes?
(Mandela laughs again; inaudible expressions)
Oh, my. So much fun. All of it. Thank you. I never get to do anything like that. I’ve been under so much pressure, for so long, and that was just … so fun. So fun. So fun.
They Kept Driving Faster and Outran the Rain
He rented a brand-new, bright yellow Ford Mustang convertible for their seven-day honeymoon in Hawaii. It rained lightly, all day, every day, for the first six days. It wasn’t what they were expecting, but it was beautiful, and they took walks in the mist around the hotel property and looked at the flowers.
“I love the fauna here at the hotel.”
“Wait, what’s fauna?”
“Plants, flowers, right?”
“Right, but ‘flora
and
fauna.’ Isn’t flora flowers?”
“Then what’s fauna?”
“Don’t know. Let’s look it up later.”
“K.”
“K.”
On the last day the rain cleared, and they decided to circle the island in the convertible. It was beautiful, but once they got up in the mountains it started to rain again.
“Should we put the roof up?”
“Okay. But we have to stop to put the roof up.”
“I don’t want to stop.”
“I don’t want to, either.”
Then they noticed that when they drove faster, the rain was deflected by the windshield and didn’t hit them. As it rained harder, they just drove faster.
When they came back they told their friends about the drive they took on their last day and how it ended up being the best day of their whole trip.
Their friends insisted that rain didn’t work that way—it must have been hitting them. All of them agreed. One friend, who taught physics at a university, was particularly insistent. He even drew a diagram and wouldn’t let them change the subject until they promised and swore that they understood, which they finally did.
But no matter what their friends told them, they would always know what really happened. They just kept driving faster, and outran the rain.
The Man Who Invented the Calendar
January 1st—Ha, that feels fun to write! I’m excited. I’ve been thinking about doing this for so long, too—I went through all my old diaries, and it turns out I came up with this idea all the way back on Day After Day After Very Cloudy Day.
January 2nd—I’m still so excited about this calendar thing. It just makes so much sense! One thousand days a year, divided into 25 months, 40 days a month. Why didn’t anyone think of this before?
January 3rd—Getting so many compliments on the calendar. One guy came up to me today and said he’s going to organize his whole life around it—literally, someone said that!
January 4th—Best day ever (or at least so far in recorded history)! I was talking to Alice at the bonfire for such a long time—yes,
that
Alice. It seemed like she was into me, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous. Finally I asked if she wanted to come back to my place and hang out more. She winked at me and said, “I don’t know … I guess I’ll have to check my
calendar
” (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
January 30th—People really hate January and want it to be over right away. I tried to explain that it’s just the way we choose to label things and that it wouldn’t make any difference, but noone got it. Finally, I just told everyone that this would be the last day of January, and months would be just 30 days instead of 40. But there wasn’t enough time to get the word out. So to be safe, we have to make this month 31 days, and then we’ll make the rest 30. Not a big deal. Everyone is excited to see Febuary—including me!
February 1st—Another small fuck-up: I put an extra
r
in all the copies I handed out of the calendar, so it said “FebRuary,” even though I already told everyone the next month coming was called “FebUary.” I felt so stupid—but Alice came up with the best solution! She said: “Just tell everyone it’s spelled
February
but pronounced ‘Feb-u-ary.’ That
(Mandela laughs again; inaudible expressions)
Oh, my. So much fun. All of it. Thank you. I never get to do anything like that. I’ve been under so much pressure, for so long, and that was just … so fun. So fun. So fun.
They Kept Driving Faster and Outran the Rain
He rented a brand-new, bright yellow Ford Mustang convertible for their seven-day honeymoon in Hawaii. It rained lightly, all day, every day, for the first six days. It wasn’t what they were expecting, but it was beautiful, and they took walks in the mist around the hotel property and looked at the flowers.
“I love the fauna here at the hotel.”
“Wait, what’s fauna?”
“Plants, flowers, right?”
“Right, but ‘flora
and
fauna.’ Isn’t flora flowers?”
“Then what’s fauna?”
“Don’t know. Let’s look it up later.”
“K.”
“K.”
On the last day the rain cleared, and they decided to circle the island in the convertible. It was beautiful, but once they got up in the mountains it started to rain again.
“Should we put the roof up?”
“Okay. But we have to stop to put the roof up.”
“I don’t want to stop.”
“I don’t want to, either.”
Then they noticed that when they drove faster, the rain was deflected by the windshield and didn’t hit them. As it rained harder, they just drove faster.
When they came back they told their friends about the drive they took on their last day and how it ended up being the best day of their whole trip.
Their friends insisted that rain didn’t work that way—it must have been hitting them. All of them agreed. One friend, who taught physics at a university, was particularly insistent. He even drew a diagram and wouldn’t let them change the subject until they promised and swore that they understood, which they finally did.
But no matter what their friends told them, they would always know what really happened. They just kept driving faster, and outran the rain.
The Man Who Invented the Calendar
January 1st—Ha, that feels fun to write! I’m excited. I’ve been thinking about doing this for so long, too—I went through all my old diaries, and it turns out I came up with this idea all the way back on Day After Day After Very Cloudy Day.
January 2nd—I’m still so excited about this calendar thing. It just makes so much sense! One thousand days a year, divided into 25 months, 40 days a month. Why didn’t anyone think of this before?
January 3rd—Getting so many compliments on the calendar. One guy came up to me today and said he’s going to organize his whole life around it—literally, someone said that!
January 4th—Best day ever (or at least so far in recorded history)! I was talking to Alice at the bonfire for such a long time—yes,
that
Alice. It seemed like she was into me, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous. Finally I asked if she wanted to come back to my place and hang out more. She winked at me and said, “I don’t know … I guess I’ll have to check my
calendar
” (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
January 30th—People really hate January and want it to be over right away. I tried to explain that it’s just the way we choose to label things and that it wouldn’t make any difference, but noone got it. Finally, I just told everyone that this would be the last day of January, and months would be just 30 days instead of 40. But there wasn’t enough time to get the word out. So to be safe, we have to make this month 31 days, and then we’ll make the rest 30. Not a big deal. Everyone is excited to see Febuary—including me!
February 1st—Another small fuck-up: I put an extra
r
in all the copies I handed out of the calendar, so it said “FebRuary,” even though I already told everyone the next month coming was called “FebUary.” I felt so stupid—but Alice came up with the best solution! She said: “Just tell everyone it’s spelled
February
but pronounced ‘Feb-u-ary.’ That
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