the breeze, wondering exactly how much she knew about the fight between Joey and Adam. I felt floaty. In a very bad way. Like nothing around me actually existed. I pressed my hands into the ground, digging my fingers into the dirt.
“All of this avoidance, it’s because of whatever happened the night of Dutton’s party, right? There was obvious tension between Joey and Adam.” I said. “What do you think was going on?”
Shannon tossed her hair from one side to the other, like she was trying to shake off the conversation. “Dunno,” she said. “And I think we should leave it alone until Adam’s ready to talk.”
“But he’s totally blowing us off,” Tanna said. “Even Pete hasn’t talked to Adam since the funeral. He told me this morning.”
Shannon pointed. “They’re talking now.”
I looked up and saw Adam and Pete passing over the brick path that crisscrossed the quad. They stopped about a hundred feet from the tulip tree, fist bumped, and then Adam turned and started to walk toward the parking lot.
“Where’s he going?” I asked.
“You haven’t been here,” Shannon said. “He hasn’t exactly been eating with us.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” Tanna said.
“Then, where’s he been eating?”
“Adam’s been ditching,” Tanna said. “Like, every day.”
“Well, I’m sure his parents—”
“They have no idea,” Shannon said. “I talked to his mom yesterday when she called my mom about some fundraiser they’re doing for the library, and she said something about how school seems to be helping Adam keep his mind off things. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.”
I watched Adam’s backpack disappear around the corner of the gym, wondering where he was going and what he would do when he got there.
“Did you say anything?” I asked.
“To his mom?” Shannon asked. “Um. No. We took that oath, like, a thousand years ago. We don’t rat each other out.”
“Unless,” I said, “one of us is in trouble. And Adam is starting to show some signs of serious trouble, Shan.”
“Why?” she asked. “Because he’s skipping a few classes and not eating lunch with us? Because he needs a little space? Think about it, Maggie, he just watched his best friend die. You can’t expect him to act normal. These days, we’re dealing with a whole new normal.”
“I don’t know,” I said, imagining Adam walking straight to the creek in our neighborhood and following the twisting trail of the stream until it swirled out into our Jumping Hole. All alone.
“You haven’t exactly been normal yourself, there, Miss Memory Loss,” Shannon said, scrunching up her nose. “Should we go talk to your parents?”
“That’s not fair,” I said. “I’m trying here. But Adam … it seems like he’s just gone, somehow.”
“I see what you’re saying,” Tanna said. “But I think we need to give him some space. Let’s just get through the end of the week and see how he seems after summer break starts.”
“You think?” I asked.
“I do,” Tanna said. “We’re all dealing with this differently. He deserves a mourning period, and we should offer him a little peace.”
“She’s totally right,” Shannon said.
“Fine,” I said. “If you guys think he’s okay. But it won’t be long before I insist on a full-scale intervention.”
And I was serious. If Joey could die and Adam could slip away, what would stop the rest of my world from disintegrating into nothing?
I stared down at the lined notebook paper in front of me. At the thick black ink staining the page, the scientific terms and definitions I was trying to memorize all blurring together. I wished with everything in me that I could slide full speed down the neck of the J I’d drawn in the bottom corner of the page, fling myself off the hooked end, and flip into another existence.
But there was no other existence. My life consisted of quick glances, open arms, hushed whispers, pointing fingers, tear-soaked
“All of this avoidance, it’s because of whatever happened the night of Dutton’s party, right? There was obvious tension between Joey and Adam.” I said. “What do you think was going on?”
Shannon tossed her hair from one side to the other, like she was trying to shake off the conversation. “Dunno,” she said. “And I think we should leave it alone until Adam’s ready to talk.”
“But he’s totally blowing us off,” Tanna said. “Even Pete hasn’t talked to Adam since the funeral. He told me this morning.”
Shannon pointed. “They’re talking now.”
I looked up and saw Adam and Pete passing over the brick path that crisscrossed the quad. They stopped about a hundred feet from the tulip tree, fist bumped, and then Adam turned and started to walk toward the parking lot.
“Where’s he going?” I asked.
“You haven’t been here,” Shannon said. “He hasn’t exactly been eating with us.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” Tanna said.
“Then, where’s he been eating?”
“Adam’s been ditching,” Tanna said. “Like, every day.”
“Well, I’m sure his parents—”
“They have no idea,” Shannon said. “I talked to his mom yesterday when she called my mom about some fundraiser they’re doing for the library, and she said something about how school seems to be helping Adam keep his mind off things. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.”
I watched Adam’s backpack disappear around the corner of the gym, wondering where he was going and what he would do when he got there.
“Did you say anything?” I asked.
“To his mom?” Shannon asked. “Um. No. We took that oath, like, a thousand years ago. We don’t rat each other out.”
“Unless,” I said, “one of us is in trouble. And Adam is starting to show some signs of serious trouble, Shan.”
“Why?” she asked. “Because he’s skipping a few classes and not eating lunch with us? Because he needs a little space? Think about it, Maggie, he just watched his best friend die. You can’t expect him to act normal. These days, we’re dealing with a whole new normal.”
“I don’t know,” I said, imagining Adam walking straight to the creek in our neighborhood and following the twisting trail of the stream until it swirled out into our Jumping Hole. All alone.
“You haven’t exactly been normal yourself, there, Miss Memory Loss,” Shannon said, scrunching up her nose. “Should we go talk to your parents?”
“That’s not fair,” I said. “I’m trying here. But Adam … it seems like he’s just gone, somehow.”
“I see what you’re saying,” Tanna said. “But I think we need to give him some space. Let’s just get through the end of the week and see how he seems after summer break starts.”
“You think?” I asked.
“I do,” Tanna said. “We’re all dealing with this differently. He deserves a mourning period, and we should offer him a little peace.”
“She’s totally right,” Shannon said.
“Fine,” I said. “If you guys think he’s okay. But it won’t be long before I insist on a full-scale intervention.”
And I was serious. If Joey could die and Adam could slip away, what would stop the rest of my world from disintegrating into nothing?
I stared down at the lined notebook paper in front of me. At the thick black ink staining the page, the scientific terms and definitions I was trying to memorize all blurring together. I wished with everything in me that I could slide full speed down the neck of the J I’d drawn in the bottom corner of the page, fling myself off the hooked end, and flip into another existence.
But there was no other existence. My life consisted of quick glances, open arms, hushed whispers, pointing fingers, tear-soaked
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