One Hundred Percent Lunar Boy by Stephen Tunney

next month,” she declared with a sudden urgency.
    “That’s why I think,” her husband said under his breath, "this whole vacation to Saturn is one of the dumbest things…”
    Predictably, that remark made her angry.
    “No. I’m sorry! We are not getting into that again. My brother got us these tickets for free. We should be grateful to him. How often in life do we get a chance to do something as wonderful as this?”
    Sedenker passively sat back, which was something he was very good at. Thank God, he thought to himself as his wife launched into one of her non-stop lectures on his many shortcomings.
Thank God I have motion sickness so I can get that dose of E-94 and I don’t have to listen to her for a change.
He looked in her direction. Her mouth moved with furious intention. When he couldn’t hear anything, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

    The family was indeed on their way toward the rings of Saturn, to a resort on Titan called Chez Cracken San. They were riding in the
Ragmagothic Chrysanthemum
, a vast Mega Cruiser. Several thousand passengers were on board. The three of them had a small family cabin all to themselves, which was fine for the quick journey to the Moon, but Windows Falling On Sparrows was already dreading the three-day trip to Saturn, where they would be cramped in there together, her mother in her face, inquiring about this, lecturing about that, dreaming out loud about everything else. And her father — the complete opposite. So stuck inside his interior depressive neurosis, they could go ice skating on the rings of Saturn and he wouldn’t even notice. He’d been without a job for three years. When she forced herself, she had vague memories of a happy and contented man she used to call Daddy. But this guy, all he did was look for jobs and get nothing. Loser. Hard to believe it was the same man.
    “Did you take E-94, Daddy?”
    “Yes I did, Windows Falling On Sparrows.”
    “So you took drugs.”
    “In my case, it’s not drugs. It prevents me from getting sick when going up into space.”
    “But you’ve never been in space before, so how would you know?”
    “I get sick when I ride the bus. I think that’s a pretty good indicator.”
    “Your eyes are all red.”
    “I guess they are.”
    “If you take E-94, then you smoke Buzz, you can die from an over-dose.”
    “Is that so? Well, no need to worry about me, then. Its not like I’m going to go around smoking Buzz anyway.”

    The magnificent curvature of the Earth suddenly appeared as they broke through the highest clouds, leaving the atmosphere. It was an overwhelming sight for the family. Their first time in space. They all grew quiet. Strange muffled sounds were heard within the body of the Mega Cruiser. The window afforded a view that all the media imagery in history could never truly capture. There they were, finally, off world. The initial feeling was always the same. Wonderment. Followed by a dreadful realization of extreme and total self-insignificance. Followed by a profound sense of accomplishment. Followed quickly by a return to whatever Earthbound petty worries and personal bickerings and mediocre obsessions occupied the individual before this enormous leap past the stratosphere and into the heavenly forever, filled with billions more stars than the vague few one can see from the muddy, soot-choked planet.
    Sedenker took Exonarella’s hand in his own and he inhaled a deep breath through his nose.
    “This ship smells wonderful, doesn’t it?”
    She glared at him for two contemptible seconds, then focused on her daughter.
    “Is Cornelius your boyfriend? Yes or no.”

    Because the family had these free tickets, they were subjected to certain inconveniences that usually came along with anything that might be as cheap as an all-expenses-paid trip to Saturn’s rings. They were allowed almost no luggage. There was a set time period and a set schedule of flights that could not be changed. There were only