on some level, it’s sweet. But on a lot of other levels, it’s ridiculous.”
“Sorry?” Phillip said.
“Don’t apologize yet, I’m not done,” Penelope said. “May, feel free to jump in here.”
“I’m . . . okay with you handling this for now,” May told her, having no idea where she was going.
“Up on the roof,” Penelope told Phillip, gesturing up to the top of the castle above them, “you tried to protect me. But you were the one who needed protecting. I had a plan, Phillip. I had magic. You . . . you’ve got a sword.”
Phillip sat up straight, his eyes flashing angrily. “I have killed more giants than—”
“Shh,” Penelope said, and touched his mouth with her finger. “I don’t care. What I care about is that you almost got yourself killed because I thought you had to. Because the Wicked Queen told you that you were going to die. Does she seem like someone any of us should be listening to?”
“But the Mirror—” Phillip said.
“I’m not sure what mirrors have to do with this,” Penelope told him, “but last I remember, they’re for seeing if you have anything in your teeth after eating. Try to stay on topic here, Phillip. I don’t want to have to worry about you next time.”
“Worry about me ?!” Phillip said, and one of the goblins chuckled.
“See?” Penelope said, pointing at the goblin. “He’s with me.”
“He is a monster!”
“HEY!” the goblin shouted. “ You’re the ugly one, human!”
Penelope bobbed her head from side to side. “Okay, that’s an interesting point about culture, but that’s not really our focus right now. You need to understand that we can handle ourselves, both of us. Yes, May needed help—”
“Yeah, you were a huge help, getting me caught by the wolf!” May yelled.
“But that doesn’t mean that you need to go running in, swording everything in sight, only to get smacked around by a dragon.”
“Or getting us caught by the wolf!” May added again.
Phillip just gave her a look of confused horror.
Penelope patted his leg. “I get it. You mean well. And you did save me, back in the Fairy Homelands. But let’s be honest . . . you were born for that. I’m your true love, and that’s all that was important for that spell. So yes, you heroed just fine there. But that’s not who you’re meant to be.”
“And who . . . exactly . . . am I meant to be?” Phillip said carefully.
“I hope it’s someone who uses contractions,” May said quietly.
“You’re meant to be king someday!” Penelope said, getting the closest to annoyed that May had ever seen her. “You have a responsibility to your people, Phillip. Take care of them . Be a great leader, a noble one . . . that’s what they need. They don’t need you getting eaten by any old dragon that happens along just because some window says so!”
“Mirror,” May pointed out.
“It’s all glass,” Penelope said with a shrug.
Phillip opened his mouth to say something, then shook his head and went silent.
Penelope patted his shoulder, then turned to May. “So what were you doing there, anyway, May?”
“Turns out, a whole lot of nothing,” May told her. “I . . . well, I asked Malevolent for help in defeating the Queen.”
“You WHAT?!” Philip shouted, and the goblins all began to laugh.
“And then you had to go and dragon-slay her before I got the rest of her plan!” May shouted back.
“You asked Malevolent for HELP?!” Phillip said.
“She just said that,” Penelope told him. “Weren’t you listening?”
Phillip turned to Penelope. “YOU hated her more than I did! Why are you not upset by that?”
Penelope shrugged. “I did what I needed to. She got what she deserved, but that’s over now. Why hold on to it? Besides, if she was helping May, maybe she was trying to make up for some of her past.”
“She wasn’t,” May told her. “It took a lot of bargaining. Most of which involved having you two never come anywhere near
“Sorry?” Phillip said.
“Don’t apologize yet, I’m not done,” Penelope said. “May, feel free to jump in here.”
“I’m . . . okay with you handling this for now,” May told her, having no idea where she was going.
“Up on the roof,” Penelope told Phillip, gesturing up to the top of the castle above them, “you tried to protect me. But you were the one who needed protecting. I had a plan, Phillip. I had magic. You . . . you’ve got a sword.”
Phillip sat up straight, his eyes flashing angrily. “I have killed more giants than—”
“Shh,” Penelope said, and touched his mouth with her finger. “I don’t care. What I care about is that you almost got yourself killed because I thought you had to. Because the Wicked Queen told you that you were going to die. Does she seem like someone any of us should be listening to?”
“But the Mirror—” Phillip said.
“I’m not sure what mirrors have to do with this,” Penelope told him, “but last I remember, they’re for seeing if you have anything in your teeth after eating. Try to stay on topic here, Phillip. I don’t want to have to worry about you next time.”
“Worry about me ?!” Phillip said, and one of the goblins chuckled.
“See?” Penelope said, pointing at the goblin. “He’s with me.”
“He is a monster!”
“HEY!” the goblin shouted. “ You’re the ugly one, human!”
Penelope bobbed her head from side to side. “Okay, that’s an interesting point about culture, but that’s not really our focus right now. You need to understand that we can handle ourselves, both of us. Yes, May needed help—”
“Yeah, you were a huge help, getting me caught by the wolf!” May yelled.
“But that doesn’t mean that you need to go running in, swording everything in sight, only to get smacked around by a dragon.”
“Or getting us caught by the wolf!” May added again.
Phillip just gave her a look of confused horror.
Penelope patted his leg. “I get it. You mean well. And you did save me, back in the Fairy Homelands. But let’s be honest . . . you were born for that. I’m your true love, and that’s all that was important for that spell. So yes, you heroed just fine there. But that’s not who you’re meant to be.”
“And who . . . exactly . . . am I meant to be?” Phillip said carefully.
“I hope it’s someone who uses contractions,” May said quietly.
“You’re meant to be king someday!” Penelope said, getting the closest to annoyed that May had ever seen her. “You have a responsibility to your people, Phillip. Take care of them . Be a great leader, a noble one . . . that’s what they need. They don’t need you getting eaten by any old dragon that happens along just because some window says so!”
“Mirror,” May pointed out.
“It’s all glass,” Penelope said with a shrug.
Phillip opened his mouth to say something, then shook his head and went silent.
Penelope patted his shoulder, then turned to May. “So what were you doing there, anyway, May?”
“Turns out, a whole lot of nothing,” May told her. “I . . . well, I asked Malevolent for help in defeating the Queen.”
“You WHAT?!” Philip shouted, and the goblins all began to laugh.
“And then you had to go and dragon-slay her before I got the rest of her plan!” May shouted back.
“You asked Malevolent for HELP?!” Phillip said.
“She just said that,” Penelope told him. “Weren’t you listening?”
Phillip turned to Penelope. “YOU hated her more than I did! Why are you not upset by that?”
Penelope shrugged. “I did what I needed to. She got what she deserved, but that’s over now. Why hold on to it? Besides, if she was helping May, maybe she was trying to make up for some of her past.”
“She wasn’t,” May told her. “It took a lot of bargaining. Most of which involved having you two never come anywhere near
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