Prologue
Oh god. This is insane even for a screwed up crazy person like me. Am I really doing this? Really ? I think I’m going to hurl. I scoot my comfy black leather office chair back from my executive desk and drop my head between my knees. Breathe In. Breathe Out. In. Out. In. Out.
Okay, that’s a little better but I’m not going to move just yet. I can talk to you right here and you can read from right there, so let’s get started, shall we?
Here’s the deal. I’m your normal run of the mill average 22 year old white guy.
Well, with a few mild exceptions. Like I’m a little autistic, kind of asexual, have a son and suffer from panic attacks, agoraphobia and PTSD, like bad. Alright, so normal was perhaps a misnomer, I’ll give you that. Still, if I put all of that in this damn craigslist ad nobody will ever respond and then where would I be? Well, right back here where I started. Which is mired in deep shit.
I’m unable to function without my mom but she’s even had it with my shit. I don’t blame her, but I think she’s getting to the end of her rope. The 8 th and most recent person she hired didn’t even last 24 hours. Family emergency my ass. I freaked the fuck out on her because my meat touched my potatoes. I’d warned her. My mom had warned her. Some things my head just can’t process for whatever the hell reason. I know, there IS no reason, it’s random and ridiculous and trust me, I KNOW. I’ve given up trying to make sense of my brain. It’s stupid and weird and just the way it is. I pay them to NOT let my chicken to touch my green beans. Why is that so hard of a concept to grasp?
I sit back up slowly and take a deep breath. I know it’s time for drastic measures but that doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with doing this. I glance out my upstairs office window to the snow falling lightly outside. I live in a beautiful spacious log cabin in Alaska, only about 30 minutes from the nearest town. So, I still get heat, internet and groceries without issue but also get the peace and quiet.
Sighing, I roll back in under my desk and re-read my ad for the billionth time, okay, technically only the 37 th , just feels like I could recite this thing in my sleep.
Seeking: Live-in Cook & Housekeeper (Rural Alaska)
Hi, my name is Haden and I’m seeking a full-time live in cook and housekeeper. Six month minimum contract required after one week trial. Sunday’s off. You’ll have your own bedroom and bathroom. The cabin is very large and luxurious with excellent security. You’d have access to a vehicle for whatever errands you might need to run in your capacity as an employee as well as access to the vehicle on your days off.
Bonus for arriving in the next 48 hours, I’ll pay for your transportation, if successfully vetted. In depth background, federal and state, drug and blood testing, can’t be too safe now days. I’ll pay for that too, of course, upon successful completion of a phone interview.
You’ll likely not need all the hours for which you’ll be paid to complete the work assigned once you learn what’s required. So if you’d also like to go to school from home or work part time from home, (writer? Coder?) that’s likely doable.
Considering the rural nature of the position, pay is quite lucrative.
Please send email with resume or just a brief statement of your qualifications & experience and your phone number. If it seems like a good fit, I’ll be in touch. FYI, absolutely NOT looking for a wife. Thanks.
I post it. It’s not going to get any better than that.
Chapter 1
The next morning I get up to check my email and holy hell! Wow. That’s a lot of responses. My mom brings me coffee after about an hour of going through emails, a few possible I guess, but no one that feels right. I thank her and she turns to go.
I say hesitantly, “mother?”
“Yeah honey?” She turns back to me with a startled expression. I
Oh god. This is insane even for a screwed up crazy person like me. Am I really doing this? Really ? I think I’m going to hurl. I scoot my comfy black leather office chair back from my executive desk and drop my head between my knees. Breathe In. Breathe Out. In. Out. In. Out.
Okay, that’s a little better but I’m not going to move just yet. I can talk to you right here and you can read from right there, so let’s get started, shall we?
Here’s the deal. I’m your normal run of the mill average 22 year old white guy.
Well, with a few mild exceptions. Like I’m a little autistic, kind of asexual, have a son and suffer from panic attacks, agoraphobia and PTSD, like bad. Alright, so normal was perhaps a misnomer, I’ll give you that. Still, if I put all of that in this damn craigslist ad nobody will ever respond and then where would I be? Well, right back here where I started. Which is mired in deep shit.
I’m unable to function without my mom but she’s even had it with my shit. I don’t blame her, but I think she’s getting to the end of her rope. The 8 th and most recent person she hired didn’t even last 24 hours. Family emergency my ass. I freaked the fuck out on her because my meat touched my potatoes. I’d warned her. My mom had warned her. Some things my head just can’t process for whatever the hell reason. I know, there IS no reason, it’s random and ridiculous and trust me, I KNOW. I’ve given up trying to make sense of my brain. It’s stupid and weird and just the way it is. I pay them to NOT let my chicken to touch my green beans. Why is that so hard of a concept to grasp?
I sit back up slowly and take a deep breath. I know it’s time for drastic measures but that doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with doing this. I glance out my upstairs office window to the snow falling lightly outside. I live in a beautiful spacious log cabin in Alaska, only about 30 minutes from the nearest town. So, I still get heat, internet and groceries without issue but also get the peace and quiet.
Sighing, I roll back in under my desk and re-read my ad for the billionth time, okay, technically only the 37 th , just feels like I could recite this thing in my sleep.
Seeking: Live-in Cook & Housekeeper (Rural Alaska)
Hi, my name is Haden and I’m seeking a full-time live in cook and housekeeper. Six month minimum contract required after one week trial. Sunday’s off. You’ll have your own bedroom and bathroom. The cabin is very large and luxurious with excellent security. You’d have access to a vehicle for whatever errands you might need to run in your capacity as an employee as well as access to the vehicle on your days off.
Bonus for arriving in the next 48 hours, I’ll pay for your transportation, if successfully vetted. In depth background, federal and state, drug and blood testing, can’t be too safe now days. I’ll pay for that too, of course, upon successful completion of a phone interview.
You’ll likely not need all the hours for which you’ll be paid to complete the work assigned once you learn what’s required. So if you’d also like to go to school from home or work part time from home, (writer? Coder?) that’s likely doable.
Considering the rural nature of the position, pay is quite lucrative.
Please send email with resume or just a brief statement of your qualifications & experience and your phone number. If it seems like a good fit, I’ll be in touch. FYI, absolutely NOT looking for a wife. Thanks.
I post it. It’s not going to get any better than that.
Chapter 1
The next morning I get up to check my email and holy hell! Wow. That’s a lot of responses. My mom brings me coffee after about an hour of going through emails, a few possible I guess, but no one that feels right. I thank her and she turns to go.
I say hesitantly, “mother?”
“Yeah honey?” She turns back to me with a startled expression. I
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