agitated, as you are now, it is…”
He tried to think of a way she would understand. “It is like having the volume of a radio turned to the maximum level. You broadcast. I cannot help but listen. After a time, I will become better at blocking you, but it will be helpful when you become better at not broadcasting.”
He was reading her every thought. This was not good. She needed to calm down. She could feel his growing impatience pressing against her in waves. She was in over her head. She should be coping with overdue fines or putting away books on their proper shelves. She was a librarian, for goodness sake. She liked order, and quiet, and calm. She was a reserved, quiet kind of person. This was all too…chaotic. Her life had turned inside out-alien planets, mind merging, incredible sex.
She let out a little breath. “Alright. I’ll try not to broadcast. You try to stay out as much as possible, okay? I don’t like the idea of you snooping around in my mind, knowing every little thing…”
As she thought of the possibilities, she suddenly felt very vulnerable. He would be able to know everything. Not that she had a lot of dark secrets, but she was human, after all. She had things she would never tell another person. Things she wasn’t particularly proud to share with someone else. Fantasies in the dark of the night she wouldn’t even share with a sexual partner. The whole idea filled her with intense discomfort.
He looked apologetic, but there was heat in his eyes as well. “I am trying to respect your wishes, Sharon, but you are becoming even more upset. There should be no shame or embarrassment between us. I know your inner self. It is incredible to me that you can be so blind to your own beauty, both physical and inner.”
Reaching across the table to take her hand, his voice became husky. “I would not use our bond against you,
sherree
. I do not wish to hurt you. Anything I have learned from our sharing will be used only for your pleasure and mine.” His thumb was gently stroking her hand.
Her eyes slid from his and she tried to pull her hand from his grasp. She still felt incredibly exposed. He knew too much. She needed some space to come to terms with what he’d told her. With obvious reluctance, he let her pull away completely.
She promptly scooted as far back as her chair would allow. She tried to turn the subject to safer channels. She decided to go on the offensive. “I know you’ve been with other women before. You’ve had sex without merging. Why last night?”And why meshe wanted to add, but didn’t quite have the nerve.
“You are my pactmate, my future pledgemate,” at her instinctive movement to disagree he flashed her a fierce look. “I could have had sex without merging with you, it is true. I tried to wait. The initial merge is somewhat painful and frightening to the female. Some choose to merge right after the Oath. I tried to be patient. I thought it might be easier when you knew me better. I also waited as long as I could out of prudence. You were not happy with the Oath. I thought you might have even greater problems with the consequences of merging.” His tone said he had been right.
“But you could have held off, right? I mean, this merging business is permanent. Even after we go our separate ways, you’ll still be lurking in the back of my mind!” The more she thought about it, the angrier she felt. Once again, he had taken a choice out of her hands. After knowing her for only two days, he had simply decided that the time was right and linked them together permanently.
His frustration pushed back at her. His face grew harsh. For a minute he stared at her in silence. Then, as if coming to some decision, he spoke. His voice was too controlled, almost cold. “I see I have been taking the wrong approach with you all this time. I thought easing you into our new life would be best. Now I think it is time for you to confront reality and accept that your life has changed
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