country place had minimum security so I could pretty much come and go as I pleased – within reason. And going down to the beach in winter was beyond reason as far as Mother was concerned. To be honest, walking down to the beach in the dark wasn’t my most favourite thing. Dusk and the air heavy with silence and long shadows made me . . . nervous.
‘Who pummelled you?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Who beat you up?’ Callum repeated.
‘Everyone’s asking me that,’ I sighed. ‘Can’t we just let it rest?’
‘You don’t want them to get away with it, do you?’
‘’Course not. But there’s not a lot I can do about it. Sure, I was going to tell the headmaster about them and get them expelled or put drawing-pins in their shoes or jump out at them when they were each alone. I was going to do all those things, but they’re not worth it. It happened and now it’s over, and I just want to forget about it.’
‘Tell me who did it and then you can,’ Callum said.
I frowned. ‘You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?’
‘’Course not. I’d just like to know who did this to you.’
‘Lola, Joanne and Dionne in Mrs Watson’s class.’ I said at last. ‘But it’s over now. OK?’
‘OK.’
‘Callum . . .’
‘I was just curious. Besides, what could I do? They’re Crosses and I’m a lowly nought.’ Callum tugged on his forelock before bowing low.
‘Stop it . . .’
‘Stop what?’
‘Callum, it’s me. Sephy. I’m not your enemy.’
‘I never said . . .’
I took Callum’s face in my hands. ‘Look at me, Callum.’
Only when I felt his whole body relax did I remove my hands from his face.
‘Sorry,’ he said at last.
‘So am I,’ I told him. ‘So am I.’
twenty-six. Callum
When I got home, the house was in uproar – and for once it had nothing to do with me. Lynette was having one of her ‘turns’ and Jude was letting it wind him up, as usual. When I stepped through the front door and heard him shouting at her, I thought, ‘Same old, same old!’
But I was wrong.
For the first time ever, Lynette was shouting back at him. My sister and Jude were squaring up to each other, with Dad in the middle of them, desperately trying to keep them apart. And Jude’s lip was bleeding . . .
‘You’re nothing but a git, and a vulgar git at that,’ Lynette screamed at the top of her lungs.
‘At least I don’t delude myself,’ Jude shot back at her.
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’ asked Lynette.
‘Jude, don’t. Lynette, please.’ Dad wasn’t getting very far.
I looked around for Mum, knowing as I did so that she must be out. There was no way she’d have let things get this far. Dad was there, being his usual feeble self.
‘Dad, what’s going on?’ I asked, pulling on his arm.
Dad turned to shrug me off and that was all the space Jude needed. He lashed out at Lynette. She hit him straight back. Seconds later, Dad was between them,again pushing them apart. I hadn’t seen Lynette and Jude fight since before my sister’s mind had shut down.
‘Look at you! You think you’re too good to even breathe the same air as us,’ Jude hissed. ‘Well, I’ve got news for you, sis. When the daggers look at you, they see someone who’s just as white as me, for all your airs and graces.’
Daggers again. Every other sentence out of his mouth these days seemed to be ‘ruddy daggers this’ and ‘ruddy daggers that’.
‘I’m not like you. I’m . . . I’m different. I’m brown. Look at my dark skin. Look . . .’
Pushing past Dad, Jude grabbed Lynette’s hands and pulled her to the cracked wall-mirror behind the sofa. He pulled her back against him, his cheek against her cheek. Lynette instantly tried to pull away but Jude wouldn’t let her.
‘See that!’ Jude roared. ‘You’re the same as me. As white as me. Who d’you think you are? I’m sick and tired of being looked down on by you. You’re the most pathetic person I know. If you hate what you
‘Who pummelled you?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Who beat you up?’ Callum repeated.
‘Everyone’s asking me that,’ I sighed. ‘Can’t we just let it rest?’
‘You don’t want them to get away with it, do you?’
‘’Course not. But there’s not a lot I can do about it. Sure, I was going to tell the headmaster about them and get them expelled or put drawing-pins in their shoes or jump out at them when they were each alone. I was going to do all those things, but they’re not worth it. It happened and now it’s over, and I just want to forget about it.’
‘Tell me who did it and then you can,’ Callum said.
I frowned. ‘You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?’
‘’Course not. I’d just like to know who did this to you.’
‘Lola, Joanne and Dionne in Mrs Watson’s class.’ I said at last. ‘But it’s over now. OK?’
‘OK.’
‘Callum . . .’
‘I was just curious. Besides, what could I do? They’re Crosses and I’m a lowly nought.’ Callum tugged on his forelock before bowing low.
‘Stop it . . .’
‘Stop what?’
‘Callum, it’s me. Sephy. I’m not your enemy.’
‘I never said . . .’
I took Callum’s face in my hands. ‘Look at me, Callum.’
Only when I felt his whole body relax did I remove my hands from his face.
‘Sorry,’ he said at last.
‘So am I,’ I told him. ‘So am I.’
twenty-six. Callum
When I got home, the house was in uproar – and for once it had nothing to do with me. Lynette was having one of her ‘turns’ and Jude was letting it wind him up, as usual. When I stepped through the front door and heard him shouting at her, I thought, ‘Same old, same old!’
But I was wrong.
For the first time ever, Lynette was shouting back at him. My sister and Jude were squaring up to each other, with Dad in the middle of them, desperately trying to keep them apart. And Jude’s lip was bleeding . . .
‘You’re nothing but a git, and a vulgar git at that,’ Lynette screamed at the top of her lungs.
‘At least I don’t delude myself,’ Jude shot back at her.
‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’ asked Lynette.
‘Jude, don’t. Lynette, please.’ Dad wasn’t getting very far.
I looked around for Mum, knowing as I did so that she must be out. There was no way she’d have let things get this far. Dad was there, being his usual feeble self.
‘Dad, what’s going on?’ I asked, pulling on his arm.
Dad turned to shrug me off and that was all the space Jude needed. He lashed out at Lynette. She hit him straight back. Seconds later, Dad was between them,again pushing them apart. I hadn’t seen Lynette and Jude fight since before my sister’s mind had shut down.
‘Look at you! You think you’re too good to even breathe the same air as us,’ Jude hissed. ‘Well, I’ve got news for you, sis. When the daggers look at you, they see someone who’s just as white as me, for all your airs and graces.’
Daggers again. Every other sentence out of his mouth these days seemed to be ‘ruddy daggers this’ and ‘ruddy daggers that’.
‘I’m not like you. I’m . . . I’m different. I’m brown. Look at my dark skin. Look . . .’
Pushing past Dad, Jude grabbed Lynette’s hands and pulled her to the cracked wall-mirror behind the sofa. He pulled her back against him, his cheek against her cheek. Lynette instantly tried to pull away but Jude wouldn’t let her.
‘See that!’ Jude roared. ‘You’re the same as me. As white as me. Who d’you think you are? I’m sick and tired of being looked down on by you. You’re the most pathetic person I know. If you hate what you
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