Notes From the Hard Shoulder by James May
Authors: James May
Tags: Non-fiction:Humor, Travel
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remarkable
about it. The motor industry has always owed an incalculable debt to the bicycle, not least because it was the bicycle that gave ordinary people a taste for the personal liberty that led naturally enough to the desire for cars.
More significantly, countless car companies began life as cycle makers and only gradually progressed, often via motorcycles, to cars; in fact, there are few that don't have a rusty bicycle somewhere in the back of the corporate shed.
But I've decided that the only car makers who should be allowed to make bicycles today are those with an uninterrupted history of doing so. And the only one that would appear to qualify isPeugeot.
What, exactly, is Porsche achieving by dabbling in bicycles? It would be tempting to think that with their expertise in manufacturing and their knowledge of new materials, they would be well placed to raise the state of the bicycle-making art. However, a quick trawl through the bicycle media suggests that Porsche bicycles are entirely conventional. All they have done is raised the state of the art of bicycle pricing: the most basic Porsche, the 'Bike S', costs £1,200, while at the top of the range is the Bike R Dura Ace, which is £3,900 and made of carbon-fibre.
This is the first thing that bothers me. Carbon fibre has become so hackneyed that people are making briefcases out of it, and for no other reason than that they can. It's nothing more than high-tech tinsel, and for a leading car maker to produce a perfectly conventional bike made from an exotic material is a bit like Hotpoint launching a titanium mangle.
What am I to make of a man who rides a lightweight Porsche bicycle? Obviously he's not interested in exercise, or he'd have bought a heavy one. Why not buy some lightweight carbon-fibre dumbbells, or pay a cub scout to go jogging for you? Again, I am forced to conclude that he's drawing attention to himself.
But, as the marketing people might say, the message his bike sends out is the wrong one. There are a lot of people out there who are riding bicycles because they have no choice.Norman Tebbit's dad, for example. For a car maker like Porsche to produce an exclusive £3,900 bicycle is rather rubbing his nose in it. It's a bit like a member of the That's Life team spending the night in a cardboard box and claiming to understand the plight of the homeless.
This is what really annoys me about clever-dick car makers' bicycles. They're actually not clever at all. Given the luxury of being able to charge £3,900, anyone should be able to build a good bike. Much more impressive is what Dawes andRaleigh does; that is, building good-quality and perfectly usable mountain bikes for a few hundred quid. For the same reason, theMazda MX-5 is ultimately a greater engineering and commercial achievement than a £250,000 supercar.
All things considered, the best bicycle in the world is still myBrompton folder. It rides remarkably well for a bike actually designed to collapse, and it folds up much smaller than other folding bikes. It does what any bicycle does, and then something else as well, and is yours from around £370.
Incidentally, Brompton have never made a car. A part of me wishes they would.
THE FOLLY OF TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
I feel I should begin with an apology. On one end of my desk is a large blue folder marked 'reply to these', and in it are all those letters you've sent me over the last few months. Hundreds of the buggers. And, in contravention of my usual policy of accountability and openness, not one has gone answered.
I'm very sorry. I've been busy, I let it build up a bit too much and then it sort of got away from me. I don't have any envelopes and I'll need to buy hundreds of stamps, and since the 24-hour petrol station at the end of my road closed down, I don't know where to get them.
But I'll do it eventually. In fact, I can make a start now with a letter fromPhil Snook, who I've just realised was the biology teacher at my sixth-form college.
about it. The motor industry has always owed an incalculable debt to the bicycle, not least because it was the bicycle that gave ordinary people a taste for the personal liberty that led naturally enough to the desire for cars.
More significantly, countless car companies began life as cycle makers and only gradually progressed, often via motorcycles, to cars; in fact, there are few that don't have a rusty bicycle somewhere in the back of the corporate shed.
But I've decided that the only car makers who should be allowed to make bicycles today are those with an uninterrupted history of doing so. And the only one that would appear to qualify isPeugeot.
What, exactly, is Porsche achieving by dabbling in bicycles? It would be tempting to think that with their expertise in manufacturing and their knowledge of new materials, they would be well placed to raise the state of the bicycle-making art. However, a quick trawl through the bicycle media suggests that Porsche bicycles are entirely conventional. All they have done is raised the state of the art of bicycle pricing: the most basic Porsche, the 'Bike S', costs £1,200, while at the top of the range is the Bike R Dura Ace, which is £3,900 and made of carbon-fibre.
This is the first thing that bothers me. Carbon fibre has become so hackneyed that people are making briefcases out of it, and for no other reason than that they can. It's nothing more than high-tech tinsel, and for a leading car maker to produce a perfectly conventional bike made from an exotic material is a bit like Hotpoint launching a titanium mangle.
What am I to make of a man who rides a lightweight Porsche bicycle? Obviously he's not interested in exercise, or he'd have bought a heavy one. Why not buy some lightweight carbon-fibre dumbbells, or pay a cub scout to go jogging for you? Again, I am forced to conclude that he's drawing attention to himself.
But, as the marketing people might say, the message his bike sends out is the wrong one. There are a lot of people out there who are riding bicycles because they have no choice.Norman Tebbit's dad, for example. For a car maker like Porsche to produce an exclusive £3,900 bicycle is rather rubbing his nose in it. It's a bit like a member of the That's Life team spending the night in a cardboard box and claiming to understand the plight of the homeless.
This is what really annoys me about clever-dick car makers' bicycles. They're actually not clever at all. Given the luxury of being able to charge £3,900, anyone should be able to build a good bike. Much more impressive is what Dawes andRaleigh does; that is, building good-quality and perfectly usable mountain bikes for a few hundred quid. For the same reason, theMazda MX-5 is ultimately a greater engineering and commercial achievement than a £250,000 supercar.
All things considered, the best bicycle in the world is still myBrompton folder. It rides remarkably well for a bike actually designed to collapse, and it folds up much smaller than other folding bikes. It does what any bicycle does, and then something else as well, and is yours from around £370.
Incidentally, Brompton have never made a car. A part of me wishes they would.
THE FOLLY OF TRYING TO SAVE FUEL
I feel I should begin with an apology. On one end of my desk is a large blue folder marked 'reply to these', and in it are all those letters you've sent me over the last few months. Hundreds of the buggers. And, in contravention of my usual policy of accountability and openness, not one has gone answered.
I'm very sorry. I've been busy, I let it build up a bit too much and then it sort of got away from me. I don't have any envelopes and I'll need to buy hundreds of stamps, and since the 24-hour petrol station at the end of my road closed down, I don't know where to get them.
But I'll do it eventually. In fact, I can make a start now with a letter fromPhil Snook, who I've just realised was the biology teacher at my sixth-form college.
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