from the sleep I had during the day. It’s been
brought on by the strain. Too many things have happened in one day. Attacked,
almost arrested, robbed.
Oh, yeah, don’t forget sleeping with your best friend.
I scrape my hands through my hair and grimace at my
reflection. I clearly have no common sense. Why would I risk the only
honest-to-goodness friendship I have by sleeping with Nick? But it’s clear I’m
not exactly smart when it comes to men. Otherwise, I’d have realized what Rob
was up to.
With the break in, I’d almost forgotten the things
that had come to light about him. How can you be married to someone for so long
and not realize they’re drug dealing? When did he get into it? And did he use?
I don’t think so and neither does Nick. Rob’s moods
weren’t great but that was usually due to alcohol. I’m sure the military would
have found out if he had. And that’s the thing about Rob. In spite of
everything, he loved being a soldier. I’m not sure if it was the hero worship
that came with it or the adrenaline-filled moments, but he appeared to thrive
on it. The few times I spoke to him when he was in Afghanistan were the few
times he seemed like the man I’d first met. The one who was outgoing,
outrageous, exciting…
Ugh. I shake my head at myself, cursing the young girl
who fell for such a man. But I didn’t understand that exciting and outgoing
didn’t make a marriage at the time.
My thoughts turn to the man now taking up my couch.
It’s funny because I used to think of Nick as dependable, caring, practical—the
things that do make up a marriage—but he excites me too. In a completely
different way to Rob. Rob never made my skin prickle with his mere presence and
he certainly didn’t make my pussy clench by looking at me.
As I watch myself in the mirror, I see a glaze come
over my eyes and I shake it off.
Shoving away from the sink, I change into my
nightwear. A cotton camisole and checkered shorts. It’s not glamorous but it’s
comfy. I gave up on sexy nightwear a long time ago when I realized Rob
preferred the company of other women at night to mine. Coldness clutches at my
chest as feelings of inadequacy eat into me. It didn’t matter that I didn’t
like the man Rob had become ; no woman wants to be cheated on. Sometimes I laid in
bed at night and wished he’d just come back to me — return
to being the man I thought I’d married—as I pictured him with other women.
Christ, why did I spend so long wishing and not taking action?
Drawing in a breath, I open the door. Hopefully Nick’s
all settled and I won’t even have to—
He’s sitting on my bed.
Damn the man. He studies me, slow and languorously,
and I flex my fingers, longing to splay my hands across myself. My simple PJs
now feel sexy and I’m definitely showing off too much skin.
“Can I—” I cough. “Is everything okay?”
Nick nods slowly, his eyes saying everything is more
than okay. My skin heats and I hope he can’t see the redness that’s no doubt in
my cheeks and on my chest.
“Yeah,” he says finally, gaze lingering on my bare
legs. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine.”
Though I don’t sound fine. Having your heart going the
same rate as a freight train or your blood boiling beneath your skin probably
isn’t fine. But that wasn’t what he meant.
He doesn’t look convinced.
“It’s been a crazy day and I am a little shaken but
I’m okay, I swear. I just need some rest and I need to get this place back to
normal and then I’ll be great.”
Nick takes a moment to study me once more and stands.
“All right. Just checkin’.”
“Oh.” I go to my closet. “Here’s some blankets.” I
draw out two old ones that I usually use if the temperature drops and pass them
over.
“Thanks.” He takes them from me.
“Do you need something to sleep in?” I bend down and
rummage through the bottom drawer. “I might have some old T-shirts.” I find one
and come
brought on by the strain. Too many things have happened in one day. Attacked,
almost arrested, robbed.
Oh, yeah, don’t forget sleeping with your best friend.
I scrape my hands through my hair and grimace at my
reflection. I clearly have no common sense. Why would I risk the only
honest-to-goodness friendship I have by sleeping with Nick? But it’s clear I’m
not exactly smart when it comes to men. Otherwise, I’d have realized what Rob
was up to.
With the break in, I’d almost forgotten the things
that had come to light about him. How can you be married to someone for so long
and not realize they’re drug dealing? When did he get into it? And did he use?
I don’t think so and neither does Nick. Rob’s moods
weren’t great but that was usually due to alcohol. I’m sure the military would
have found out if he had. And that’s the thing about Rob. In spite of
everything, he loved being a soldier. I’m not sure if it was the hero worship
that came with it or the adrenaline-filled moments, but he appeared to thrive
on it. The few times I spoke to him when he was in Afghanistan were the few
times he seemed like the man I’d first met. The one who was outgoing,
outrageous, exciting…
Ugh. I shake my head at myself, cursing the young girl
who fell for such a man. But I didn’t understand that exciting and outgoing
didn’t make a marriage at the time.
My thoughts turn to the man now taking up my couch.
It’s funny because I used to think of Nick as dependable, caring, practical—the
things that do make up a marriage—but he excites me too. In a completely
different way to Rob. Rob never made my skin prickle with his mere presence and
he certainly didn’t make my pussy clench by looking at me.
As I watch myself in the mirror, I see a glaze come
over my eyes and I shake it off.
Shoving away from the sink, I change into my
nightwear. A cotton camisole and checkered shorts. It’s not glamorous but it’s
comfy. I gave up on sexy nightwear a long time ago when I realized Rob
preferred the company of other women at night to mine. Coldness clutches at my
chest as feelings of inadequacy eat into me. It didn’t matter that I didn’t
like the man Rob had become ; no woman wants to be cheated on. Sometimes I laid in
bed at night and wished he’d just come back to me — return
to being the man I thought I’d married—as I pictured him with other women.
Christ, why did I spend so long wishing and not taking action?
Drawing in a breath, I open the door. Hopefully Nick’s
all settled and I won’t even have to—
He’s sitting on my bed.
Damn the man. He studies me, slow and languorously,
and I flex my fingers, longing to splay my hands across myself. My simple PJs
now feel sexy and I’m definitely showing off too much skin.
“Can I—” I cough. “Is everything okay?”
Nick nods slowly, his eyes saying everything is more
than okay. My skin heats and I hope he can’t see the redness that’s no doubt in
my cheeks and on my chest.
“Yeah,” he says finally, gaze lingering on my bare
legs. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine.”
Though I don’t sound fine. Having your heart going the
same rate as a freight train or your blood boiling beneath your skin probably
isn’t fine. But that wasn’t what he meant.
He doesn’t look convinced.
“It’s been a crazy day and I am a little shaken but
I’m okay, I swear. I just need some rest and I need to get this place back to
normal and then I’ll be great.”
Nick takes a moment to study me once more and stands.
“All right. Just checkin’.”
“Oh.” I go to my closet. “Here’s some blankets.” I
draw out two old ones that I usually use if the temperature drops and pass them
over.
“Thanks.” He takes them from me.
“Do you need something to sleep in?” I bend down and
rummage through the bottom drawer. “I might have some old T-shirts.” I find one
and come
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