to be me. You used to love me. I loved you too, Ellie. Even if I wasn’t good at showing it.”
His words were unfair. Bringing up long dead feelings to make me feel worse than I already did? I didn’t doubt he loved me. Well, as much as he was capable of when he’d just escaped small town life, and discovered the very definition of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. But it wasn’t the same with him. It wasn’t the same as the way I felt for Drew, or the other boyfriends I’d had. We were best friends who might have fallen in mad, crazy love if our circumstances had been different. And if the circumstances had been different, maybe our chemistry would have been different, too.
Put simply, we were never supposed to be together.
“It was a long time ago. We both know those feelings ended way before I finished uni.”
“But I still mattered.” Jason shrugged out of his jacket, throwing it down to punctuate his words. As he did so, something flew across the room and landed right at my feet.
Time slowed.
I reached down to retrieve the item, Jason shouted at me to stop, and when my eyes connected with the mystery object my heart shuddered to a halt.
No. Please, no.
White powder, wrapped in cling film.
The colour drained from Jason’s face. “Ellie, it’s not... it’s nothing, really. Let me explain.”
For a second, everything went fuzzy, and I was transported back. Back to that day.
I went into Drew’s flat, closing the unlocked door behind me, and headed for the living room expecting to see Jason zoned out in the chair he’d barely moved from in two days. He’d been clean for eight days, only because he’d been forced to stay with Drew so he wouldn’t be on his own for too long during the worst part of the withdrawal. For the first few days, Jason was restless and angry to the point of violence. He made his feelings clear when he kicked and shattered Drew’s 42-inch television screen, then attempted to smash a window with the remote. But as time wore on, he’d become quieter. His sleeping patterns were messed up, and without cocaine in his system to keep him wired, he’d grown lethargic.
He wasn’t in the chair.
Jason sat on the floor, shaking as he struggled to make neat lines out of the white powder in front of him.
My stomach lurched. His hair was lank, greasy, and he looked as though he’d been wearing the same clothes for days. What happened to the Jason Brooks I used to know? The one who always had a smile on his face. Always eager to book the next gig, always wanting to rehearse and write new songs. He’d gone. He’d been gone for a while, but I was done mourning the loss of the boy I’d worshipped during my teen years. Instead, rage ripped through me.
“Where did you get that?”
He jumped at the sound of my voice, his hand slipping, and knocking some of his charlie onto Drew’s carpet.
“Ellie,” he stammered. “I… It’s not-”
The little colour left in his cheeks drained away, highlighting the darkness under his eyes. He clumsily got to his feet.
“Where did you get it?”
“I... I... It…”
“Have you used any of it yet?”
He shook his head, but his eyes flashed with the hunger to score.
“Get rid of it. You get rid of it now, and I won’t tell Drew.”
Not to save your ass, but because I cannot stand the idea of putting him through any more of your crap.
Watching Jason’s downhill spiral had left both Drew and me helpless. No amount of interventions, or trying to show him what would happen if he kept using made him understand how much damage he was doing to himself. Drew made me promise not to tell their father how much trouble he was in, but during the last few months, it had become impossible to hide. Still, it all fell on Drew to clean up the mess; not because their dad didn’t want to help, but because Drew wanted to protect him from dealing with Jason while he was at his worst. He hurt in ways I couldn’t fix with kind words, and my
His words were unfair. Bringing up long dead feelings to make me feel worse than I already did? I didn’t doubt he loved me. Well, as much as he was capable of when he’d just escaped small town life, and discovered the very definition of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll. But it wasn’t the same with him. It wasn’t the same as the way I felt for Drew, or the other boyfriends I’d had. We were best friends who might have fallen in mad, crazy love if our circumstances had been different. And if the circumstances had been different, maybe our chemistry would have been different, too.
Put simply, we were never supposed to be together.
“It was a long time ago. We both know those feelings ended way before I finished uni.”
“But I still mattered.” Jason shrugged out of his jacket, throwing it down to punctuate his words. As he did so, something flew across the room and landed right at my feet.
Time slowed.
I reached down to retrieve the item, Jason shouted at me to stop, and when my eyes connected with the mystery object my heart shuddered to a halt.
No. Please, no.
White powder, wrapped in cling film.
The colour drained from Jason’s face. “Ellie, it’s not... it’s nothing, really. Let me explain.”
For a second, everything went fuzzy, and I was transported back. Back to that day.
I went into Drew’s flat, closing the unlocked door behind me, and headed for the living room expecting to see Jason zoned out in the chair he’d barely moved from in two days. He’d been clean for eight days, only because he’d been forced to stay with Drew so he wouldn’t be on his own for too long during the worst part of the withdrawal. For the first few days, Jason was restless and angry to the point of violence. He made his feelings clear when he kicked and shattered Drew’s 42-inch television screen, then attempted to smash a window with the remote. But as time wore on, he’d become quieter. His sleeping patterns were messed up, and without cocaine in his system to keep him wired, he’d grown lethargic.
He wasn’t in the chair.
Jason sat on the floor, shaking as he struggled to make neat lines out of the white powder in front of him.
My stomach lurched. His hair was lank, greasy, and he looked as though he’d been wearing the same clothes for days. What happened to the Jason Brooks I used to know? The one who always had a smile on his face. Always eager to book the next gig, always wanting to rehearse and write new songs. He’d gone. He’d been gone for a while, but I was done mourning the loss of the boy I’d worshipped during my teen years. Instead, rage ripped through me.
“Where did you get that?”
He jumped at the sound of my voice, his hand slipping, and knocking some of his charlie onto Drew’s carpet.
“Ellie,” he stammered. “I… It’s not-”
The little colour left in his cheeks drained away, highlighting the darkness under his eyes. He clumsily got to his feet.
“Where did you get it?”
“I... I... It…”
“Have you used any of it yet?”
He shook his head, but his eyes flashed with the hunger to score.
“Get rid of it. You get rid of it now, and I won’t tell Drew.”
Not to save your ass, but because I cannot stand the idea of putting him through any more of your crap.
Watching Jason’s downhill spiral had left both Drew and me helpless. No amount of interventions, or trying to show him what would happen if he kept using made him understand how much damage he was doing to himself. Drew made me promise not to tell their father how much trouble he was in, but during the last few months, it had become impossible to hide. Still, it all fell on Drew to clean up the mess; not because their dad didn’t want to help, but because Drew wanted to protect him from dealing with Jason while he was at his worst. He hurt in ways I couldn’t fix with kind words, and my
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